Mistakes Women Make On Dating Apps: Initiating Conversations, Red Flags In Dating Profiles, Opening Lines, Photos, App Choices Screening People & More
Despite the straightforward setup of dating apps, many people keep repeating mistakes over and over again and fail to learn from their mistakes. Despite racking up likes, these effortless signs of interest often mean nothing or don’t result in effort with respect to conversations and dates.
Online Dating Guide For Ladies
This post is all about helping women be more proactive in their dating lives, helping them take control and alerting them of the deception that plague dating apps, profiles and intent. Many women assume too much of guys, apps, intentions, words and swipes. Knowing these common mistakes will save lots of headaches, frustration and time for you so you can focus on what’s important for you.
Too Many Group Photos In Dating Profiles
Using too many group photos especially in your main profile photo can be seen as being insecure about your appearance (guess who) or utilizing the cheerleader effect to make yourself seem more attractive (it doesn’t work).
Guys want to know who you are, what you look like. They are visual creatures and will be fixated on your hot friend if you use too many group shots. Lack of individual photos can signal insecurity (your only personality exists in the context of friends) and that you are uncomfortable in your own skin. Golden rules of group photos: the hottest girls in the photos are usually the friends.
Using Filters, Photoshopping Images, Wearing Sunglasses
Hiding behind Snapchat filters, emojis, skin-softening effects and sunglasses is not only annoying, it’s deceptive and a waste of time. It signals insecurity and makes one wonder – what else are you hiding? Be you, be confident in your own skin. Yes, privacy issues are a major concern on dating apps for women but if you are too nervous or scared, you shouldn’t be on dating apps to begin with.
Biased Advice From Friends and Family
Many women rely on friends or family for advice on photos to use in dating profiles. It’s great to seek advice but often times friends either lack the ability to be brutally honest with you or they have context other people (strangers don’t). Just because your photo on Instagram got lots of likes, doesn’t mean it should be used in your dating profile.
Plenty of superficial photos get likes on IG but fail to provide insight, personality or depth about you, what you are or what you seek. Similarly such superficial photos can signal you are not interested in anything serious. Rather than rely on people you know, get advice from strangers similar to the ones you are trying to attract. Check out my dating profile critique service that explores profiles, photos and strategy.
Taking Photos From Weird, High Angles, Using Old Photos
Those weird high angles are not fooling anyone. These images have a special term but I will not repeat it here. Photos from high angles suggest you are trying to make yourself look slimmer than you actually appear in person, today. Your photos should accurately depict what you would look like on a date now, not 10 years ago.
Dating app photos should be 2-3 years old AND reflect your current weight, hair color, hairstyle, grooming patterns, etc. Less than 5% of people who say they look younger than they appear actually do look that way. They are lying or have friends who are biased and unwilling to be brutally honest and are lying to them.
Narcissistic, Staging Cringy Photos, Glazed Zombie Look & Duckfaces
Excessive selfies, photos of you in bikinis and photos of you with duck faces are a huge red flag. These suggest lack of friends or lack of trust to let others take photos of you. Similarly, narcissistic ‘perfect’ photos of you suggest you spend too much time in front of the camera and the whole purpose to going to places is for the gram (Instagram photo). Photos should be candid, effortless and in the moment.
People want to know how you look day to day, not just one percent of the time with the perfect lighting, perfect angle, perfect backdrop. These photos only attract guys who want to chase you, deploy pickup lines and are looking for a hookup. Guys will only have as much respect for you as you do for yourself.
Lazy Prompts, Empty Bios, Lacking Vulnerability, Substance, Cliche Prompts
Leaving profile prompts blank or using generic, cliche responses shows lack of effort and boring lifestyle. Guys will assume you are lazy, unable to be vulnerable, lack personality and substance or are trying way too hard to be cute.
Listing an Instagram handle in your profile will lead people to assume you are only looking for Instagram followers, attention, validation etc. Similarly, cliche answers like Jim and Pam Office references, pineapple on pizza or Netflix answers reveal absolutely nothing about you and make it harder for quality men to start conversations with you.
Stop trying to be cute and be yourself for a change. Many women avoid showing emotions, passions and personality as a rejection can seem more personal, direct.
Not Specifying What You Want, Sounding Jaded, Dismissive
No hookups, no players, no guys under 6 feet tall. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having preferences and deal-breakers but listing what you don’t want will make you sound untrusting, judgmental and possibly invite the exact people you are trying to avoid in an attempt to get past your defensive shields. It also suggests an inability to screen profiles and read people and in a way, asking people to politely bow out if they don’t meet your requirements (good look with doing that on Tinder).
Rather than focus on what you don’t want, focus on what you want in your life. Be positive, focused. By sounding negative, you will also dismiss quality men who think you have trouble keeping drama out of your life. With that said, you can’t just wish for things to happen.
You need to learn how to screen profiles, read people, be patient, ask questions and trust people. Some guys will lie through their teeth to get you into bed, but it’s up to you to be patient, get to know people if you want to minimize being ghosted, dumped after sleeping with a guy too soon.
Making The First Move: Initiating Conversations, Opening Lines
Many women are too nervous, insecure or lazy with making the first move with dating apps. Some attribute this to being old-fashioned or wanting to be pursued. Guess what, if you wait for men to pursue you on dating apps, you will likely get bombarded by guys you are not interested in / attracted to or guys who rely on the volume approach with likes and generic lines. Dating apps have more men than women and if you are not interested in 80-90% of the guys on them, why wait to sift through unwanted messages.
Be a driver in your life, don’t be a passenger. Women who make the first move are rewarded by weeding out time-wasters more efficiently. But if you do take the initiative, don’t rely on generic, cliche and boring lines like hi, hey, what’s up, why did you swipe right on me etc.
Being Too Picky On Dating Sites
Guys are not nearly as picky as women are when it comes to dating. They are more comfortable dating younger women, shorter women, women who don’t have advanced degrees, women who don’t work blue collar jobs and women of color.
Being too picky greatly reduces your chances of success as women want a ready-made boyfriend rather than investing time and effort into uncovering hidden gems. I am not saying you should lower your standards but what I am saying is learning to be more patient and avoid focusing on the guys that use cheesy pickup lines, over the top comments or rehearsed negs will allow you to open up your dating pool.
Most guys who are too confident, too smooth often have the most options and know they can get away with more. If you focus on what you want to hear only, you will more likely attract men who will indulge your need for compliments, acts of affection and attention. Learn to evaluate personality, effort, sincerity rather than just attention, words and the way he makes you feel.
Assuming Too Much Out Of Likes And Matches, Carrying Conversations
Just because a guy swipes right on you on a dating app, doesn’t mean he likes you, wants to talk to you or even go on a date with you. Some guys swipe right on every woman and then focus on women that are most eager to meet them, those they are most attracted to or those that are the most flirtatious and likely to sleep with them.
Why doesn’t he reply or messages me is one of the most Googled phrases women search for on the internet. Why do you put your life on hold for a guy who has exerted nothing more than a flick of his finger on this screen?
Similarly, some women get too fixated on a guy that they don’t realize they are always starting conversations, carrying conversations with longer, more thoughtful responses. They tend to believe in lies like I hate typing, texting let’s meet up after 3 messages.
Using The Wrong Dating Apps & Sites, Being Too Trusting & Assuming You Can Change Him
Yes, you can meet the guy of your dreams on Tinder just like you can get dumped by a player on Bumble. Dating apps are merely introduction apps, they are not ordering apps. Men on Tinder are more likely to want something casual than guys on Coffee Meets Bagel, but that doesn’t mean a guy will take what he can get or lose interest if you sleep with him quickly, easily. That also doesn’t mean a guy can have a relationship or marriage focused profile on Bumble or Hinge and have a hookup profile on Tinder.
Women tend to deflect blame on men or apps rather than use good judgment when it comes to screening profiles and reading people. A video chat will help prove accuracy of photos. Getting to know someone over time before sleeping with him will minimize the chance he will leave after having sex with you.
Similarly, some women read into words (aka love bombing) too much. Just because a guy says he loves you quickly, says you are perfect or wants to go away on a romantic trip with you doesn’t mean he wants exclusivity. Similarly, if he avoids topics about exclusivity, long-term plans or doesn’t want to have kids, don’t assume he will change or that you can change him.
Final Thoughts – Dating App Tips For Girls
Don’t be afraid to demand things of a guy. Never asking questions or going with the flow can result in precious time being wasted as some people are not clear with intentions. Many guys use old photos, lie about height or lie about intentions. Go on video dates, ask questions, don’t assume anything.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Talk to a few guys at once. Many women over qualify men too quickly (oh he is perfect blah blah blah) where men take time to build up confidence in their decisions. Expecting a spark or love at first sight can lead you to look for misleading qualifiers in men.
In the event a guy lies about himself, don’t be afraid to report him to the dating apps i.e. using old photos, lying about age or height etc. Too many women just ignore or unmatch only.
Online Dating Advice For Women: How To Successfully Navigate Dating Apps
Most women have enough good photos but fail to use their best photos or use photos that are too polished, filtered, photoshopped or fail to convey vulnerability. In addition to poor photo choices, lazy profiles, bios and introductory lines are a common theme I see as well. The other biggest hurdle I see is a failure to screen profiles effectively, read people and being too picky.
In my coaching services, I work with women to unlock these and other roadblocks that get in the way of meeting quality people, being ready to be open and vulnerable and knowing how to ID red flags and cut things off more quickly. Don’t rely on biased feedback and advice from friends who look different than you and have different lifestlyes and preferences than you. Contact me today for a consultation.
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a professional photographer specializing in natural, candid online dating photos. Featured in the SFGate, ABC7News, East Bay Express, Salon; contributor to Good Men Project, Plenty Of Fish and Meddle. In addition to photos, he provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice and date ideas. https://eddie-hernandez.com/contact/
Dating Profile Critique
For those of you who are remote or virtual dating help and are looking for an online dating profile critique you can read more about my services here.
For other helpful online dating tips check out my blog for more helpful advice: https://eddie-hernandez.com/blog/
Online Dating Frequently Asked Questions (Photos, App Choice, Wardrobe, Messaging, Bios and More): https://eddie-hernandez.com/online-dating-frequently-asked-questions/
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