Online Dating Advice: Mistakes Women Make In Online Dating Apps: Initiating Conversations, Red Flags In Dating Profiles, Opening Lines, Photos & What Not To Do On Dating Apps
Biggest Mistakes Women Make In Online Dating Apps Like Hinge, Bumble
Even with the straightforward setup of dating apps, many people keep repeating mistakes over and over again and fail to learn from their mistakes. Despite easily racking up likes and matches, these effortless signs of interest often mean nothing or don’t result in effort with respect to conversations and dates.
Simple questions like should women initiate online dating first moves and conversations is something that should be thought about as competition is stiff. Chances are if you are really interested in a man, so are other women and if you are lazy, indirect or lack effort, your likes and matches will go nowhere.
Click here for biggest mistakes women make on dating sites.
Online Dating Guide For Ladies: Red Flags, Warnings & Early Dating Tips
This post is all about helping women be more proactive in their dating lives, helping them take control and alerting them of the deception that plague dating apps, profiles and intent. Many women assume too much of guys, apps, intentions, words and swipes. Knowing these common mistakes and red flags will save lots of headaches, frustration and time for you so you can focus on what’s important for you.
Online Dating Tips For Women: Too Many Group Photos In Dating Profiles
Using too many group photos especially in your main profile photo can be seen as being insecure about your appearance (guess who) or utilizing the cheerleader effect to make yourself seem more attractive (it doesn’t work). It will likely yield an automatic left swipe on your profile from men.
Guys want to know who you are, what you look like. They are visual creatures and will be fixated on your hot friend if you use too many group shots. Lack of individual photos can signal insecurity (your only personality exists in the context of friends) and that you are uncomfortable in your own skin. Golden rules of group photos: the hottest girls in the photos are usually the friends.
Using Filters, Photoshopping Images, Wearing Sunglasses
Hiding behind Snapchat filters, emojis, skin-softening effects and sunglasses is not only annoying, it’s deceptive and a waste of time. It signals insecurity and makes one wonder – what else are you hiding? Be you, be confident in your own skin. Yes, privacy issues are a major concern on dating apps for women but if you are too nervous or scared, you shouldn’t be on dating apps to begin with.
Biased Advice From Friends and Family
Many women rely on friends or family for advice on photos to use in dating profiles. It’s great to seek advice but often times friends either lack the ability to be brutally honest with you or they have context other people (strangers don’t). Just because your photo on Instagram got lots of likes, doesn’t mean it should be used in your dating profile.
Plenty of superficial photos get likes on IG but fail to provide insight, personality or depth about you, what you are or what you seek. Similarly such superficial photos can signal you are not interested in anything serious. Rather than rely on people you know, get advice from strangers similar to the ones you are trying to attract. Check out my dating profile critique service that explores profiles, photos and strategy.
Taking Photos From Weird, High Angles, Using Old Photos
Those weird high angles are not fooling anyone. These images have a special term but I will not repeat it here. Photos from high angles suggest you are trying to make yourself look slimmer than you actually appear in person, today. Your photos should accurately depict what you would look like on a date now, not 10 years ago.
Dating app photos should be 2-3 years old AND reflect your current weight, hair color, hairstyle, grooming patterns, etc. Less than 5% of people who say they look younger than they appear actually do look that way. They are lying or have friends who are biased and unwilling to be brutally honest and are lying to them.
Narcissistic, Staging Cringy Photos, Glazed Zombie Look & Duckfaces
Excessive selfies, photos of you in bikinis and photos of you with duck faces are a huge red flag. These suggest lack of friends or lack of trust to let others take photos of you. Similarly, narcissistic ‘perfect’ photos of you suggest you spend too much time in front of the camera and the whole purpose of going to places is for the gram (Instagram photo). Photos should be candid, effortless and in the moment.
People want to know how you look day to day, not just one percent of the time with the perfect lighting, perfect angle, perfect backdrop. These photos only attract guys who want to chase you, deploy pickup lines and are looking for a hookup. Guys will only have as much respect for you as you do for yourself.
Lazy Prompts, Empty Bios, Lacking Vulnerability, Substance, Cliche Prompts
Leaving profile prompts blank or using generic, cliche responses shows lack of effort and boring lifestyle. Guys will assume you are lazy, unable to be vulnerable, lack personality and substance or are trying way too hard to be cute.
Listing an Instagram handle in your profile will lead people to assume you are only looking for Instagram followers, attention, validation etc. Similarly, cliche answers like Jim and Pam Office references, pineapple on pizza or Netflix answers reveal absolutely nothing about you and make it harder for quality men to start conversations with you.
Stop trying to be cute and be yourself for a change. Many women avoid showing emotions, passions and personality as a rejection can seem more personal, direct.
Not Specifying What You Want, Sounding Jaded, Dismissive
No hookups, no players, no guys under 6 feet tall. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having preferences and deal-breakers but listing what you don’t want will make you sound untrusting, judgmental and possibly invite the exact people you are trying to avoid in an attempt to get past your defensive shields. It also suggests an inability to screen profiles and read people and in a way, asking people to politely bow out if they don’t meet your requirements (good look with doing that on Tinder).
Rather than focus on what you don’t want, focus on what you want in your life. Be positive, focused. By sounding negative, you will also dismiss quality men who think you have trouble keeping drama out of your life. With that said, you can’t just wish for things to happen.
You need to learn how to screen profiles, read people, be patient, ask questions and trust people. Some guys will lie through their teeth to get you into bed, but it’s up to you to be patient, get to know people if you want to minimize being ghosted, dumped after sleeping with a guy too soon.
No Hookups: How Do You Tell A Guy You Don’t Do Hookups
Using this in your profile may cause the opposite effect as men might assume you are incapable of screening profiles and people yourself and target you for hookups. Similarly, quality men who want a relationship might view you similarly and avoid you for the same reasons but also for sounding dismissive, negative and untrusting.
You can reinforce this intent with what you convey in your photos, the type of dates you accept or reject, how you carry yourself and how confident you carry yourself. A genuine, thoughtful guy would never pressure you into a hookup quickly as they typically value women more if there is a chase or more effort involved to become intimate.
Do Men Actually Read Your Dating Profile? Assuming Guys Have Read Your Dating Profile
Don’t assume so. Many guys look just at photos (if that). Don’t assume a guy has outed himself based on what you seek or deal-breakers listed. Lots of men volume swipe right for efficiency and then focus on those profiles they are most interested in.
Women Making The First Move: Initiating Conversations, Opening Lines On Dating Apps
Many women are too nervous, insecure or lazy with making the first move with dating apps. Some attribute this to being old-fashioned or wanting to be pursued. Guess what, if you wait for men to pursue you on dating apps, you will likely get bombarded by guys you are not interested in / attracted to or guys who rely on the volume approach with likes and generic lines. Dating apps have more men than women and if you are not interested in 80-90% of the guys on them, why wait to sift through unwanted messages.
Be a driver in your life, don’t be a passenger. Women who make the first move are rewarded by weeding out time-wasters more efficiently. But if you do take the initiative, don’t rely on generic, cliche and boring lines like hi, hey, what’s up, why did you swipe right on me etc. Upgrading to premium accounts on dating apps like Bumble only to wait to see who likes you means that you are missing out on some quality men that might take a while to even see your profile.
Being Too Picky On Dating Sites: Signs You Are Picky
Guys are not nearly as picky as women are when it comes to dating. They are more comfortable dating younger women, shorter women, women who don’t have advanced degrees, women who don’t work blue collar jobs and women of color.
Being too picky greatly reduces your chances of success as women want a ready-made boyfriend rather than investing time and effort into uncovering hidden gems. I am not saying you should lower your standards but what I am saying is learning to be more patient and avoid focusing on the guys that use cheesy pickup lines, over the top comments or rehearsed negs will allow you to open up your dating pool.
Most guys who are too confident, too smooth often have the most options and know they can get away with more. If you focus on what you want to hear only, you will more likely attract men who will indulge your need for compliments, acts of affection and attention. Learn to evaluate personality, effort, sincerity rather than just attention, words and the way he makes you feel.
Assuming Too Much Out Of Likes And Matches, Carrying Conversations
Just because a guy swipes right on you on a dating app, doesn’t mean he likes you, wants to talk to you or even go on a date with you. Some guys swipe right on every woman and then focus on women that are most eager to meet them, those they are most attracted to or those that are the most flirtatious and likely to sleep with them.
Why doesn’t he reply or messages me is one of the most Googled phrases women search for on the internet. Why do you put your life on hold for a guy who has exerted nothing more than a flick of his finger on this screen?
Similarly, some women get too fixated on a guy that they don’t realize they are always starting conversations, carrying conversations with longer, more thoughtful responses. They tend to believe in lies like I hate typing, texting let’s meet up after 3 messages.
Do Guys Really Swipe Right On Everyone?
Decoding Dating Profile Phrases
Using The Wrong Dating Apps & Sites, Being Too Trusting & Assuming You Can Change Him
Yes, you can meet the guy of your dreams on Tinder just like you can get dumped by a player on Bumble. Dating apps are merely introduction apps, they are not ordering apps. Men on Tinder are more likely to want something casual than guys on Coffee Meets Bagel, but that doesn’t mean a guy will take what he can get or lose interest if you sleep with him quickly, easily. That also doesn’t mean a guy can have a relationship or marriage focused profile on Bumble or Hinge and have a hookup profile on Tinder.
Women tend to deflect blame on men or apps rather than use good judgment when it comes to screening profiles and reading people. A video chat will help prove accuracy of photos. Getting to know someone over time before sleeping with him will minimize the chance he will leave after having sex with you.
Similarly, some women read into words (aka love bombing) too much. Just because a guy says he loves you quickly, says you are perfect or wants to go away on a romantic trip with you doesn’t mean he wants exclusivity. Similarly, if he avoids topics about exclusivity, long-term plans or doesn’t want to have kids, don’t assume he will change or that you can change him.
Getting Too Attached Easily, Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men
Many women make the mistake of getting attached too easily for a guy who seems perfect (checks off all the boxes) or pursue guys that don’t match effort, etiquette, responsiveness and enthusiasm – this is basic online dating etiquette.
Rejection is tough and some women invest themselves too much rather than break up with someone who is not right for them. The thought of being single or starting over again can b enough to try to make things work. Perhaps some view failure to use good judgment is worse than being lied to.
Maybe, just maybe the concept of sunk costs is something that needs to be acknowledged.
Surrounding Yourself With Cheerleaders: Inability For Friends To Be Brutally Honest With You
Too many women surround themselves with cheerleaders – those that pump you up, those that back up your decisions or those that say the things to make you feel good. You need people in your life that will be brutally honest with you.
Guys do a great job of having the independent, unbiased friend who will be brutally honest with them and do so without asking for it. Women need this too. If you surround yourself with such women or come off as someone who is unable to handle the truth, you will live your life in a bubble.
Asking A Guy What He Is Looking For: When To Ask A Guy What He Is Looking For
When it comes to dating, this is an inevitable question that will be asked but how and when is important. Asking a guys this question too soo or over text is not really helpful. It’s easy to lie behind a screen or over messaging. If you want to know what a guys is looking for, ask him in person. Better yet, give him time to make it clear what he is looking for. Judging too quickly or taking his word (over his actions) are incomplete and inconclusive ways women jump to conclusions.
Confronting A Guy About His Intentions
Many women will arrive at a point when they want to clarify what a guy’s intentions are. This is often done in a confrontational or uncomfortable situation. My rule of thumb is that if you have to ask about a guy’s intentions, you probably already know. A guy should make it obvious what his intentions are regardless of what he says, promises. Words mean nothing. If you have to confront a guy about what he wants then he is not likely to change. Desire to change has to come from within rather than be strong-armed by someone else.
Online Dating Advice For Women: How To Successfully Navigate Dating Apps
Most women have enough good photos but fail to use their best photos or use photos that are too polished, filtered, photoshopped or fail to convey vulnerability. In addition to poor photo choices, lazy profiles, bios and introductory lines are a common theme I see as well. The other biggest hurdle I see is a failure to screen profiles effectively, read people and being too picky.
In my coaching services, I work with women to unlock these and other roadblocks that get in the way of meeting quality people, being ready to be open and vulnerable and knowing how to ID red flags and cut things off more quickly. Don’t rely on biased feedback and advice from friends who look different than you and have different lifestlyes and preferences than you. Contact me today for a consultation.
Low Value Women: Meaning, Signs of A Low Value Woman
I really hate this term but it’s important to be aware of its existence and look out for men who use the term. It’s meaning is a bit ambiguous but it’s generally use to identify ways a woman sells herself short whether it’s low self-esteem, low-self-worth, looking for validation from others (particularly men) around their looks which lead to poor decisions in life but particularly toxic or manipulative men.
Everyone has their difficult times but men typically either ignore such feelings, battle through them or take time away to address their issues by getting off dating apps whereas some women might do to the opposite to make themselves feel better via likes and message accumulation. This is the worst reason to join dating apps. It’s important to take care of yourself at all costs or else men’s actions can make it worst.
There are some circles of men’s self-help forums that get into specifics like using walk bad in high heels as a sign of low value women (the thought here is that she is willing to endure pain or awkwardness at the expense of trying to fit in, be more attractive etc). The male equivalent is wearing affliction shirts and tons of cologne. If you want to learn more about this, Google low value men/women or high value women/men.
Using Their Own Cell Phone Or Mobile Number
Too much information is on the internet. Don’t use your main number when registering for apps. Get a Google Voice Number.
How Should A Girl Approach Online Dating?
Women should send likes first rather than wait for guys. Women should send the first message if they are interested in someone. Be optimistic but guarded. Be enthusiastic but don’t overly invest yourself in a stranger. Talk to multiple guys early on and focus on behavior, actions, effort, intent, etiquette rather than limited grand displays of affection. Look for guys that put in the work.
How To Spot A Good Man On A Dating Site
It’s hard to spot a great guy on a dating app because you can’t really tell. That’s why it’s called dating. The best you can do is ID red flags, avoid time-wasters, don’t overly invest yourself in strangers, look for effort and men who pay attention to your profile and things you said. Avoid guys that are too pushy and ask for phone numbers too soon or ask to get off the app’s messaging platform asap (no need to before a first date).
Avoid guys that focus on your looks or pay you excessive compliments. Guys that are a little too confident or take their time to reply should give you pause (are they working with a profile writer, ghost writer)? Google their lines and responses to see if they copied and pasted them from the internet. Avoid guys with narcissistic photos. Avoid guys that are dodgy and avoid answering questions about themselves and don’t want to open up and be a bit vulnerable.
Final Thoughts – Dating App Tips For Women
Don’t be afraid to demand things of a guy. Never asking questions or going with the flow can result in precious time being wasted as some people are not clear with intentions. Many guys use old photos, lie about height or lie about intentions. Go on video dates, ask questions, don’t assume anything.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Talk to a few guys at once. Many women over qualify men too quickly (oh he is perfect blah blah blah) where men take time to build up confidence in their decisions. Expecting a spark or love at first sight can lead you to look for misleading qualifiers in men.
In the event a guy lies about himself, don’t be afraid to report him to the dating apps i.e. using old photos, lying about age or height etc. Too many women just ignore or unmatch only.
Personalized Online Dating Profile Critique
Strategy (App Choice + Timing + First Messages), Photo Critique, Bios + Prompts + Photo Captions, Wardrobe Feedback, Body Language, Smiles & More
Additional Reading: What Should You Not Do On A Dating App? Online Dating Tips For Women
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a dating consultant & professional photographer based in San Francisco, servicing clients in New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago and beyond as featured in the NYTimes, SFGate, ABC7News, East Bay Express, Salon; contributor to Good Men Project, Plenty Of Fish and Meddle.
In addition to photos, he provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice, date planning, screening profiles, ID'ing red flags, offline techniques for meeting people organically, naturally.
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