I’m A Good Woman Why Am I Single? I’m Pretty Why Am I Single? I’m A Nice Guy Why Am I Single; What’s Wrong With Me – Reasons Why You Are Still Single, Explanations
When it comes to dating, there are many approaches, strategies, variables, constraints, preferences, deal-breakers and philosophies out there. If someone says their approach is right all the time or works for everyone, they are wrong. No single strategy or philosophy works for all cases – we are humans, not commodities or interchangeable parts.
Different people, different urgencies, different demographics and different situations call for different methods to overcome dating frustrations. Apps are not always better than meeting in person, matchmakers are not always better than apps, and meeting people organically is not always feasible.
Similarly, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you made it in life or are a whole person. Plenty of crappy people are in relationships and statistically, a lot of them will be single again in a matter of time.
People change, people are not what they seem and people develop different needs over time especially when life events occur (death, kids, relocation, addiction, change of appearance, finances etc).
Being in a relationship won’t necessarily leave you better off or happy. You can’t expect someone to lift you up or make you whole. If you are not happy on your own, you can’t expect to be happy in a relationship. Below are reasons why you might be single and what you can do to put in self-work to overcome these obstacles, mindsets and disruptive behaviors.
Related read: Are You Ready To Date?
Related read: Dating App Deal-Breakers
Reasons Why You Are Still Single: Lack of Focus, Not Knowing What You Want, Unhealthy Attractions, Reasons You Are Single
If you don’t know what you want, it’s hard to find what you are looking for. That means knowing things like wanting to have kids, whether you want to stay put or relocate, whether you want a long-term relationship or do you want marriage.
Some of these things are implied to one party, but not both. It takes two to be on the same page. It’s fine to be open-minded, but down the road, people will have to answer difficult questions that make-or-break relationships.
One of the most eye-opening reasons why people are still single can be due to unhealthy attractions. They love the way people make them feel, or they like being wanted. That is absolutely the worst reason to be in a relationship.
If you are unable to give of yourself or ignore things like intentions, family planning, lifestyle choices etc. you are doomed to encounter failed relationships again and again.
Related Read: Biggest Mistakes Women Make On Dating Apps
Reasons Why You Are Still Single: Lack Of Effort, Lack Of Prioritization, You Don’t Leave Home, You Don’t Have Time To Date
Dating is not easy and even though someone you know met someone quickly, doesn’t mean it will happen that way for you or others. It takes years of self-work to build up confidence, social skills, appearance, lifestyle choices, hobbies, interests, financial stability, strong mental health, good grooming/hygiene habits and more.
No one is perfect but the more you work on these attributes, the easier dating will be. Dabbling with dating shows lack of effort and focus: no one wants that. You can’t expect to get more than what you put in and even then, spending too much time without self-work, focus and self-awareness is inefficient.
There is nothing wrong with being a homebody, but those that spend lots of time at home begin to regress in social skills, being to lose friendships and lack opportunities to meet people organically, offline. Dating apps are great, but they should never be the only method to meet people.
Some people take bad photos or hate writing about themselves. Not everyone is on a dating app. You are limiting your dating pool if you stay at home all day. If you want to do that, fine but if you really want to meet someone, go outside.
If you don’t have time to date, how the hell are you going to have time for a relationship. You can’t skip steps and go straight to relationships – it doesn’t work like that, this is not doordash. You have to put in the time otherwise dating will be an absolute mess.
Related read: How To Have Success With Dating Apps
Reasons Why You Are Still Single: Unrealistic Expectations, Lacking Self-Awareness, Remote Location
It’s great to be ambitious and great to aim high when it comes to dating but if you lack self-awareness, it can be brutal out there. Just because you are wealthy and smart doesn’t mean you can overcome bad personality and morals. Just because you are confident and accomplished doesn’t mean others will overlook your height or weight.
Just because you are pretty or handsome doesn’t mean people will overlook lack of ambition, character or intelligence. Some people appear unapproachable or have an RBF. Being attractive doesn’t equate to being in-demand, being wanted or being sought after.
Everyone has their preferences and deal-breakers and unless you understand what your weaknesses are, you will have a hard time playing up your strengths while you work on those weaknesses. No one is perfect, but everyone can work on themselves to be better. Being stagnate in life is not an attractive attribute for many.
If you are ok being single, great no problem but if you expect things to be handed to you without putting in the work, you are delusional.
Just because you are tall doesn’t mean you are confident or charming. Just because you are confident doesn’t mean you don’t possess asshole qualities. Just because some people like you doesn’t mean others/most will.
The more selective you are the more you have to work to get what you want. Looks fade, people become pickier over time. What worked for you 10 years ago won’t work for you down the road.
Similarly, if you live in a remote area or lack singles in your area, it will take more time to meet others organically. Being in a small town means other people know you and have likely formed opinions about you. Similarly, people are less likely to use apps for privacy reasons but also because they know everyone already.
Expanding a dating radius helps but not everyone wants to travel far to date. Chances are, you will need to move if you want to make dating easier on yourself.
Related read: Biggest Mistakes Guys Make With Online Dating
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I’m A Nice Guy, Why Am I Still Single? I’m A Good Man Why Am I Single?, What Is Wrong With Me Why Am I Single, I’m A Nice Guy Why Can’t I Get A Girlfriend
Being nice is the absolute bare minimum to having success while dating. Sure, mean people can date just fine, but those people have more going on for them than you do. Being nice can often be connected to being too agreeable, lacking ability to have your own opinions, being too passive or not being authentic.
Guys make the mistake of trying too hard to be liked rather than revealing themselves to others and being vulnerable, candid, honest and taking risks. No one wants the exact clone of themselves. There is a fine line between trying too hard to be liked vs being confident in your own skin and being interested in getting to know others.
Related read: Best Hobbies & Interests To Attract Men, Women
I’m Pretty Why Am I Single? I’m A Good Woman, Why Am I Single? Why Am I Single Explanations, Why Do I Struggle To Get A Relationship, Why Don’t I Have Boyfriend
Looks are not everything. Looks fade over time. Looks might get you initial interest, but looks can’t make up for boring personalities, boring lifestyles or even narcissism. People want to engage with a person rather than entertain them 24/7. Sure there are some guys who will gladly do that but for a limited time before moving on to someone else new or younger.
Looks will turn heads, get you dates, but they can’t maintain interest over time. If you are looking to be a trophy wife or some arm-candy, that might work for some time, but it is not sustainable.
Being single requires more than just looks – it requires you to use screen profiles, read people, use good judgment, be vulnerable, cut off time-wasters and be proactive. If you just sit and wait for men to hit on you, your looks will likely just attract bad apples.
Being pretty can be helpful, but it’s not everything. More is needed, especially if you have standards or are picky. Similarly, being a good person is great but sometimes that can hurt you especially if you are too trusting, don’t know how to weed out bad apples, are afraid to confrontation and unwilling to end bad dates/relationships and don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like.
There are many skills needed to be in a good relationship and not everyone out there is truthful, honest or intentional like you.
Related read: Why Can’t I Get A Second Date?
This is Why You Are Still Single – Being Emotionally Unavailable, You Are Not Happy With Yourself, Don’t Value Yourself
Some people put in the work. Some people are ready to date. Others know what they want but unless you are emotionally available, relationships might be elusive. Relationships are tough and if you are unable to open up and be vulnerable and trust others, relationships may not grow (and thus die).
There is always a sense of uncertainty or at least caution when it comes to giving yourself to others but you have to be able to give someone the benefit of the doubt if you want your relationship to grow (of course this also means using good, sound judgment). Dating and relationships require a leap of faith and unless you take risks there will likely be no rewards.
You can’t expect people to like you more than you like yourself. Sure it can happen but statistically not likely. The more you like yourself, the more confident and happy you will be and the more attractive you will be to others. You will start to pay more attention on your health, well-being, lifestyle choices and more.
Related read: Dating Feels Like A Job
Why Am I Still Single – Friends, Social Circles And Expectations; Building Community To Support You
Not everyone knows what a good relationship looks like. They may lack people around them that are in good, healthy relationships. If you hang around people that don’t support the lifestyle and ambitions you have in life, it will be hard to keep an objective mindset and trajectory to achieve that.
If you want to develop healthy social circles, you need to surround yourself around people that are setting the examples you want to achieve, but not if you are doing it because you think that is the right choice. You have to think and know that for yourself.
Toxicity and jadedness can run rampant and cloud your vision and view of the world. If you surround yourself with bad people, that will affect how others view you. When you date someone, you accept them entirely, not just bits and pieces, and it’s hard for people to take on those around you if they don’t add positively to your life.
You will need these people to help you identify your blind spots, tell you when someone you are dating is not right for you. Lots of manipulators prey on lonely targets because they are more likely to fall for their tactics than those who have good support systems. Similarly, you will need a good social circle so you don’t put too much pressure on someone to be everything to you, for you.
There is enough pressure on dating and the more you expect someone to be your only friend, best friend, love, mental health advocate, financial advisor, social planner, trainer, cook and motivation speaker, the more likely that person will burn out quickly.
Related read: Online Dating Deal-Breakers
What Does Your Dating Profile Single? Jaded Profiles
When it comes to dating profiles, being negative or sounded jaded is not a flattering look. It suggests you don’t know how to use good judgment, or make the same mistakes again and again. It also takes up space in your profile so you can talk about what you do want and what you are like as a person.
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This Is Why You Are Still Single – Lack Of Communication Skills
Everyone is working on themselves (or should be). It is never a linear path to success and sometimes you have to take a step back to take two steps forward. You will make mistakes, you will have doubt, you will become quiet and you will likely need space but all of these situations can be overcome if you have good communication.
When you decide to enter a relationship, you become a team. By not trusting your partner and by communicating with your partner, you have made the choice to do things on your own, and that is not healthy. You can decide to only share certain parts of your life with others – it’s all or nothing. If you are too ashamed or embarrassed to trust your partner, it likely suggests you are not mature to take on more serious matters with them.
How To Answer, Why Are You Still Single? When A Guy Asks You, Why Are You Still Single? Why Are You Single?
If you go on enough dates, you will get asked this question: Why are you still single? This question will likely catch you off-guard and perhaps make you freeze. It’s a question guys typically toss out there for various reasons.
Some guys ask this question from a position of genuine curiosity. Some guys ask this because they are in awe of you and trying to figure out how they lucked out. In other cases, some guys do this from a position of manipulation.
Whatever the reason, it’s a question that likely brings about some anxiety, introspective thought or confusion. It’s not a question we don’t hear often, so it’s natural not to know how to answer it.
There are many parallels between dating and job searching, and while I generally don’t like to attach the two too closely together, in this case, it makes sense. Dates are like interviews, and it’s good to be firm in some answers. Some questions are OK to ponder, but others must be decisive (just like if someone were to ask you why you got divorced).
Related read: Manipulation Tactics Guys Use
Types Of Guys That Stay Single
There are many guys that remain single and sometimes it is self-sabotage or sometimes it’s a lack of desire to change. Some guys value their freedom while some guys don’t like monogamy. Some guys lack self-awareness or realistic expectations, while others lack emotional intelligence to engage in things other than school or work.
Why Am I Still Single When I Don’t Want To Be? Why Am I Single For A Long Time
It takes more than just a desire to not want to single anymore. It’s like wanting to be slim. It takes more than a desire to just want to be slim. Desire without effort, planning, discipline, focus and accountability means nothing. Even if you go to the gym regularly, that doesn’t mean you will be fit. Things like alcohol, nutrition, cardio, smoking, technique all matter.
Being Single – Why It’s Ok (And Possibly Fantastic) To Be Single, Is It Normal To Prefer To Be Single?
If you are the type that things being single means something is wrong with you, it could be that you have some unhealthy mindsets and preconceived notions you need to work out. If you are seeking validation or looking to win someone over, you are already admitting you are not happy on your own or happy with yourself.
Being single can mean that you value yourself and your time that you don’t want to waste it on people that are not worth your time and effort – that is a great thing! Don’t ever let people think there is something wrong with you or that being in a relationship is necessary for happiness. There are plenty of people out there that jump from relationship to relationship because they are not able to be single – don’t be one of those people.
Only you know what’s best for you, and the items listed above are there only if you need it and want to prioritize being in a relationship for the right reasons. There is nothing wrong with preferring to be single – sometimes you don’t have the time, energy or focus to dedicate to someone else. Sometimes you need to work on yourself first before you feel confident to date. Other times, people are better off being single. Everyone is different.
Related read: Dating Myths & Misconceptions
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About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie is a dating coach for men & women and a professional photographer based in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, Seattle, London, DC, Boston, Sydney), as seen in the NYT, WSJ, SFGate, ABC7News, Bumble). Analytics geek who possesses unique insight into dating app algorithms as well as a keen understanding of dating cultures across locations, demographics, ages, ethnicities, genders and orientations.
He provides guidance on apps, bios, prompts, wardrobe, messaging, image consulting, date planning, red flags, time wasters & creeps, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, confidence & where to meet singles. Whether you are a POC, short guy, introvert, engineer, successful executive or woman over 40, he can help you be more efficient, knowledgeable and effective in your dating life.
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