Online Dating Myths Debunked – Myth vs Reality Dating Apps, Dating Myths, Online Dating Is A Numbers Game, Dating App Myths, Common Dating Myths

When it comes to dating apps, it’s best to assume nothing and to approach them with a sense of curiosity but also, caution. Online dating experience varies wildly across demographics, locations, ages, and individuals.

What works for one person may not work for others. While dating apps can seem intuitive, they can be extremely misleading thanks to corporate greed, psychological tactics, liars and ambiguous meanings & assumptions around actions, notifications, messaging and intentions.

Below are some common myths and misconceptions people make on dating apps, whether new to online dating or being on the apps for year and years.

Related read: Online Dating Won’t Solve Your Problems

 

Dating App Myths, Online Dating Misconceptions

Guys On Dating Apps Are Just Looking For Hookups
Some guys are definitely looking for hookups, make no mistake about it, but most are not. One of the largest segments (42%) of male users are looking for something long-term or looking for a partner or a spouse according Pew Research which is the most reliable source for all things dating app survey related. With that said, 31% are looking for sex while 43% are looking for something casual.

Related read: Is Bumble A Hookup App? 

Bumble Is The Best Dating App For Women
Not always the case, women have to put in more effort while guys sit back and wait for women to do all the work. They don’t have to worry about sending messages, nor do they have to send endless likes to see who likes them back. Bumble is a preferred app for lazy guys and married men thanks to features like Incognito Mode.

Related read: Best Dating Sites For Women

Photofeeler Scores Are A Good Way To Assess Photos; Bumble Top Photo, Tinder Smart Photo Is Good To Find Your Best Photo
Way too many people rely too much on dating apps to do better on dating apps. Photos are important and can help you but scores on Photofeeler can be biased, inflated. It’s like the blind leading the blind. These services don’t analyze all photos in a profile and scores can be offset by bios/prompts, bad first messages or incompatible interests, lifestyles and intentions.

Read more about Photofeeler scores here.

You Have To Pay For Dating Apps To Do Well, Paying Get You More Matches
Paying for dating apps will get you more likes and more matches, but the quality in general goes down and in some cases, those likes will come from people far away or those you are not interested in or attracted to.

You are far better off improving your profile, bio, photos, messaging, prompts, app choice vs spending money on lackluster apps and profiles (which is kind of like spending lots of money on paid ads on a crappy product with bad photos).

Paid features can help you be more efficient and help you sort through profiles more quickly and apply more specific filters, but investing in yourself first will yield significantly better results.

Dating Apps Are For Losers, Guys On Dating Apps Are Losers, Online Dating Is Desperate
There are lots of creeps, weirdos, losers on dating apps, don’t get me started, but there are lots of similar guys in your gym, local pub, class, place of business or your block. Your goal is to not attract most guys, but to filter out the masses and focus on the quality ones you like.

Lots of celebrities have tried apps and are pretty open about being active on dating sites. The stigma around dating apps is becoming less and less overtime. Dating app usage is at an all-time high (despite being underreported) and more and more people are meeting their partner on dating apps than ever before. 

Dating apps are not ordering apps, but rather introductions apps. Learn to screen profiles, read people, ask questions and cut off time-wasters and liars.

Related read: Dating Apps Are For Losers

Everyone Lies On Dating Apps, Online Dating Lying Statistics
Lots of people lie on dating apps, whether intentional or not. The more obvious lies include being married, lying about age, but the more subtle lies include taking photos from weird angles, having a different appearance from your photos or using old photos.

The truth is lots of lies are told on dating sites but not everyone lies. Rather than worry about those lying on dating apps, focus your attention on those that are transparent and not dodgy.

If you lie about little things like age, location etc, what else are you lying about? What else are insecure about? 

Read: Common Lies Told On Dating Apps

 

Dating Apps Are Dangerous, Online Dating Is Not Safe
This can be true, but one must understand, apps don’t really screen for profiles, much like your bar doesn’t check for sex offenders or criminals.

People make the mistake of being too trusting, too early, too often because they think they have more upfront info about a person in a profile. Do your own background checks, take the time to get to know someone, meet in public places, watch your drinks, 

Read: Online Dating Safety Tips, Dating App Dangers 

Dating Apps Are Scams, Dating Apps Are Filled With Fake Profiles
Yes, some apps are super scammy and shouldn’t be downloaded while other more mainstream apps can have incomplete profiles, influencers, narcissists, models, bots or fake profiles (images pulled from public social media accounts).

Most mainstream apps like Hinge, Bumble etc have real users but just because they don’t message you or just because you don’t get likes or matches, doesn’t mean these users are fake. Rather than worry about fake profile, focus on building a better profile so you get more quality engagement on dating apps.

Learn to screen profiles for fake users.

Online Dating Advice For Women

Screening Profiles, Why Don't Guys Reply, Low-Effort Messages, Overwhelmed w/ Matches, Signs He's Not Into You, What Your Dating Photos Signal, Coffee Dates, Lying About Age, 'No Hook-ups' In Profile & More

Online Dating Myths, Dating App Misconceptions, Debunking Dating App Myths

Conversations On Dating Apps Go Nowhere
There are a lot of matches that lead nowhere on dating apps, and that is ok. Your goal is to filter aggressively for time wasters. Most people who are not worth your time will lose interest quickly.

Part of the reason when conversations die is that your messages are bad, you exhibited poor timing or you used lines that are heard over and over again despite being unique, thoughtful. You can improve your match to date ratio with being more selective, improving yourself and your profile, working on your conversation skills, getting better at date planning and avoid narcissists, time wasters and those that are not ready to date.

In my coaching sessions, I teach women how to ID fuckboys, help men understand which women are looking for attention only and teach folks how to be more effective  and efficient in their messaging techniques.

Guys Don't Read Dating Profiles, No One Reads Bios On Dating Profiles
You are right, many guys don’t read profiles, but guess what, many do. The ones that are not looking for anything serious will message you, like you no matter what you put on your profile. By putting low-effort into your profile, you are pushing away guys that think you are looking for attention, OnlyFans subscribers or are looking for something casual.

Quality guys look for substance, effort and being too coy might get more likes and matches but these will generally be lower quality. You attract who you are, not what you seek. You can’t control time-wasters and losers from liking you and messaging you but you can’t increase the quality of men who contact you with more effort and substance in your profile.

Women Only Want A Guy Who Is 6ft Tall, Wealthy, Or Attractive (Dating Apps Only Work For Top 10% Of Guys, Chads)
Yes, guys over 6ft tall do exceptionally better than guys under 6ft but not all women want this. 6ft is a nice round number that is easy to recall, put out there. Many women just want a guy who is their height, 1 inch taller or 3-5 inches taller. Surprisingly, many women are open to dating guys 1 inch shorter than them as long as they carry themselves well, confidently.

Unfortunately, women are more picky online thanks to all the guys lying about their height. Too many guys blame women and apps because they can’t get matches but fail to assess their photos, profiles, lifestyle choices, hobbies, facial expressions, grooming, hygiene accurately and objectively. 

Most guys fail to understand algorithms as well – the more unrealistic you are with swiping on apps, the more left-swiped you will get and the less visible you will be and the worse profiles you will be shown. It’s not just important to cast a wide-open net on dating apps but more important to be strategic.

In my coaching sessions, I teach men how to be more efficient, swipe less and achieve better match ratios by understanding the algorithms and knowing which profiles to prioritize on dating apps.

Read: Dating As a Tall Woman, Short Guy

Coffee Dates Are Cheap, Coffee Dates Are Low-Effort
Coffee dates are highly polarizing. They are efficient, inexpensive, and allow people to have dates at more convenient times rather than prime-time slots that are associated with grabbing a drink or dinner. Some people will prefer coffee dates and others will hate them, you can’t appeal to all. Use them as your own filter (low effort vs being thoughtful).

Read: Coffee Dates (Should You Do Them)? 

Online Dating Is Easier For Women, Is It Harder For Men On Dating Apps?
Guys love to use this excuse all the time. It deflects blame onto apps and women rather than assessing their own self-sabotage. Yes, women get more likes but those likes are lower quality or undesired. On apps like Bumble, guys tend to swipe right more often on women they are not interested in or don’t even look at their profile.

Guys don’t have to deal with assault, rape, stalking or harassment nearly as often as women do.

Read: Harsh Reality Of Online Dating 

Sending Comments With Likes Doesn't Increase Chances Of Matches
Yes, it’s true that in some situations, sending comments with likes doesn’t result in matches. This is especially true if the comments are terrible, redundant or low-effort. It is also true if your profile is not good or your photos are bad. Rather than worry about your messaging/liking strategy, focus on your bio, prompts, photos, hobbies and interests first.

Related read: How To Be Successful On Dating Apps 

Only The Elderly, Old Folks Get Scammed On Dating Apps
Yes, many scams are target at older folks who are more susceptible to scams, but beyond the elderly, lonely folks are targeted as much if not more. Scammers look for clues in a profile like low self-esteem, divorced folks, widows and those that have a hopeless tone in their profiles.

The other large demographic of victims are guys that are super thirsty and desperate for hookups. These scams can involve going back to your place/their place and being set up for robbery or worse.

Read: Dating App Scams

Tinder Is Just For Hookups
Yes, Tinder is often associated with hookups, but in some cases, Tinder is the only option in town. Tinder is usually the first result that populates on search results and some people use it for traveling (tour guides), pen pals/friends, job-searches or to find followers on social media. You can meet your spouse and quality people on Tinder, but you will need to be patient and know how to screen profiles and read people.
Online Dating Is A Volume Game, Online Dating Is A Numbers Game, You Should Go On As Many Dates As Possible
Some people think dating apps are a volume game: more likes lead to more matches, which lead to more dates. That is not always the case. Too many matches can mean you are overwhelmed and likely to forget about replying or don’t prioritize your best matches. Swiping right too much, too often can penalize you on certain apps. 

Not everyone shares this sentiment, and if you think dating apps are a game, you will likely attract similar folks and waste everyone’s time. Similarly, going on more dates is not always recommended or healthy. If you are not selective, you will just waste more time, money and become more jaded.

Related read: Swiping Etiquette, Strategy

Every Guy That Likes You, Matches With You, Is Interested In You
Can’t assume anything on dating apps including that guys that liked your profile are interested in you. Some guys swipe right on everyone and then focus their efforts on the hottest women or those most likely to sleep with them. This is not the majority, but these guys are the most vocal and swipe the most.

Related read: Biggest Mistakes Women Make On Dating Apps 

Guys Who Put They Want A Relationship In A Profile Are Serious
Words mean nothing. Look for effort, sustained interested, investment in you, not just how you feel around him.

Similarly, some guys have relationship profiles on Hinge/Bumble while others have hookup profiles on the same app or Tinder (using different photos or phone numbers).

Related read: He’s Just Not That Into You

Matches On Dating Apps Owe You A Response
Absolutely not. A like which turns into a match is only the initial step in possible interest. Some people will Google you later and they have every right to change their mind. Similarly, low-effort first lines don’t deserve a response (see hi/hey). Just because you think you are creative with a message, doesn’t mean you are owed a response. People have the right to change their mind and it’s easier to ignore a message than to unmatch.

Related read: Online Dating Rejection, No Replies On Dating Apps

You Need Professional Photos For Dating Profiles, Snappr/Thumbtack Are Good For Dating Photos
Absolutely not. Some of the best photos are taken by friends (which is how I take photos for clients). Professional photos can feel stiff, boring and generic. Blurred backgrounds suggest you are trying too hard. Filters and skin softening mean you are hiding something. 

Just because a photographer says the take dating photos, doesn’t mean they specialize in them nor do they know what they are doing or even have tried apps or been successful on apps to know which ones do well.

Dating photos are not for you, they are for others. Just because you like your new photos doesn’t mean it will do well or makeup for bad profiles, prompts, bios and first messages. Most of my clients come from those who made the mistake and hired a bargain photographer on Snappr/Thumbtack and got modeling like photos that are pretty cringy.

Related read: Professional Dating App Photos 

Everyone On Dating Apps Is Single, Ready To Date
It’s easier to toss up a profile than it is to get dressed and approach someone in person, offline. Don’t assume a person is single, ready to date or wants a relationship with you. There are guys who will lie through their teeth to sleep with you, there are married men on Bumble and couples on mainstream dating apps.
Dating Apps Know What You Want, Dating Apps Know Your Most Compatible
You don’t even know what you want or if you do, chances are you are unrealistic about it. There is barely any info to analyze on dating app profiles that it’s impossible to get to know someone without messaging and going on dates. The purpose of a dating app is to get to know people, not order a girlfriend or husband.
Dating Apps Will Solve Your Dating Woes - Is Online Dating Easier?
Dating apps are merely tools, and these tools merely reflect who you are offline, if that. If you are a boring person, lack motivation if life, can’t talk to women, don’t like yourself or are unhappy in your day-to-day life, dating apps won’t fix anything. You need to work on yourself first before you can be ready to date and give of yourself (can’t just take).

Read: Online Dating Won’t Solve Your Problems

 

Dating is tough, but it’s even more difficult without preparation, planning, self-awareness, strategy, photos, writing skills, communication skills and follow-through.

The worst thing you can do is stereotype groups of people i.e. all women this, all guys that, everyone ghosts etc. Doing so will make you look jaded and make others want to stay clear of you.

 

Most Common Dating Myths, Dating Myths & Reality, Myths About Dating

Just Be Yourself
If are just yourself, you will likely not do well while dating. People are attracted to ambition and growth. Being just yourself suggests you are doing with your life to make it better, make yourself better. There is always room for improvement.

Related read: This Is Why You Are Single 

Online Dating Is The Only Way To Meet People, Dating Apps Are The Only Option
That might have been somewhat true during covid but not anymore. If there are no people in your area, that means there will be no people online in your area either. If there are no single people in your area, then move. Chances are there are people in your area but they are not attracted to you, you don’t put yourself out there enough or you are looking in the wrong areas.

Related read: How To Meet People In Your Area

You Can't Get Better At Dating
Dating is a skill but there is also a lot of chance, timing involved as well. There is always room for improvement with your location, grooming, hygiene, clothing, facial expressions, hobbies, lifestyle choices, social skills, communication skills, date planning skills, photos, prompts/bios, career, ambition, personality and effort.

Most people struggle because they either don’t prioritize dating, lack friends to help with dating, or choose not to get help from professionals.

Dating Apps Are Only For Attractive People; Online Dating Only Works If You Are Attractive, Dating Is Easier For Attractive People
False. This is a lie repeated by people who would rather vent than work on themselves. Sure being attractive helps but it isn’t everything.

Most people who are attractive don’t always do well on apps. They get bombarded with unwanted attention or get people who waste their time or lie to them. Look at the success stories on dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, or CMB – these are not always conventionally attractive people. 

No one likes bitter, jaded and negative people. If your profile reflects this attitude, that could be why you are still single.

Dating Apps Don't Work For Average Guys, Online Dating Doesn't Work For Average Guys, Is Bumble Only For Hot Guys?
Yes, it’s true, dating apps have more men than women on them. As such, not all guys will do well on dating apps. If that is the case, rather than vent and moan about apps, why don’t you stop using them? If you want a pity party, have it, but don’t bring down others with you.

Everyone has the opportunity to become more attractive, interesting by exercising, eating better, expanding hobbies and interests, adjusting lifestyle choices, grooming, practicing better hygiene, conversation skills and social skills.

Bumble is typically more competitive for men because they don’t have the ability to separate themselves from the competition as easily as they can on Hinge with commenting ability. 

Are Women More Selective On Dating Apps? Are People More Picky Online Dating?

Yes, they have to be. Women get so much unwanted attention and interest from guys that either don’t read their profile or ignore their intentions that they need to be on the defensive. Women are more likely to be harassed, stalked, raped, murdered from people they meet online so it is important that they take dating apps seriously.

With that said, people tend to be more picky online than they would be offline, in-person thanks to perceived options, people who lie (women adjust height) etc.

About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He helps w/ profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & offline efforts.