Dating apps like Tinder seem pretty straightforward – download the app, upload some photos, write a bio and swipe left or right, and you are good to go. Yes, it’s easy to set up a dating profile (in some cases data is autopopulated from Facebook and LinkedIn) but just because it’s easy and quick to set up a profile and the instructions for basic operations are simple, doesn’t mean you can’t self-sabotage your profile and online dating efforts.
In a perfect world, people would use good judgment and etiquette when deciding how often to open a dating app, how often to swipe right and how quickly to swipe after reviewing a profile. Dating apps are like gambling, sure if you use the volume approach you can strike it big every so often, but chances are you will run out of money and become a degenerate loser by losing self-control, straying from solid fundamentals, disconnecting from reality and knowing when to take a break.
Online Dating Swiping Etiquette: Swipe Left or Right
You should only swipe right on people you are interested in getting to know and possibly go out on a date with. You shouldn’t right swipe on dating apps to get Instagram followers, find pen-pals, network for job opportunities, pitch your Arbonne ponzi scheme idea etc.
Some frustration with dating apps is caused by people being too picky and not swiping right enough or swiping too freely on people they don’t intend to talk to. Applying strict filters or swiping right on everyone are both strategies that will lead to more disappointment than success with dating apps.
Dating apps are merely introduction tools but the idea is that the intention is based on attraction of some level. Similarly, you should have very realistic, healthy outlooks early on. Only decide if you want to talk to this person or go on a date. You shouldn’t try to figure out if he is the one right off the bat.
Why Would Anyone Right Swipe On Everyone? Do Guys Swipe Right On Everyone?
Believe it or not, some guys become so jaded that they think the more they swipe right on profiles and the more boosts they pay for, the more likely they will get at least one person to reciprocate (All it takes is one” approach). Some guys are looking for any women and treat them like commodities.
This is a dangerous mindset to have as it ignores being honest and being self-aware about your appearance, photos, lifestyle, approachability and the way others view you. Some people would rather blame the app or ignore getting independent, honest feedback on their profiles that they would rather spend money and blame someone other than themselves.
The other reason why people swipe right on every profile is because they are not looking for relationships and are looking for something casual, like a hookup and are indifferent to getting laid. This is typical on some dating apps but more so on apps like Tinder. Some guys go on apps to find someone to hookup with that night. In order to accomplish that feat, one must fight against the clock and thus a volume swipe approach is usually the way most such guys do it.
Why You Shouldn’t Swipe Right On Everyone On Bumble, Tinder Nor Like Everyone On Hinge
Knowing how to swipe, when to swipe and how often to swipe is key to getting the most out of dating apps. People who auto-swipe mindlessly, right swipe on every profile, do not look past the first photo are likely to be viewed as bots by dating apps.
Bots and spammers provide a bad user experience for users on the platform and thus need to be controlled, managed otherwise these profiles can cause normal people to be leave the app in droves. The more users a dating app has, the more it is able to monetize those efforts.
Apps like Tinder employ various mechanisms to reduce efforts of individuals trying to game the system. Normal behavior would suggest you only swipe right on those that you are really interested in, planning on messaging and have a realistic shot at matching with.
With that said, Tinder is a business, not a charity. Once it understands how desperate you are and willing to swipe voraciously, it will take this understood behavior to reduce your visibility and get you to pay more swipes and visibility. Why do you think casinos comp high rollers? The Same logic applies here.
Optimal Time To Swipe On Dating Apps, Best Time To Swipe Online Dating
Many articles and so-called experts will tell you to swipe around 6pm-10pm Thursday to Sunday nights. These are typically the busiest times for dating apps. The most users doesn’t always mean the best experience.
Remember those loud, cringy bars that were loud and overly crowded and lopsided with male to female ratios? Those only benefited the most attractive people (for guys – the tallest, most outgoing and for girls – the most provocatively dressed). These places brought out the worst kind of people. This is what Tinder is – the modern over-hyped club.
If you are looking for a relationship, would you go to one of these places? Likely not. Reducing competition and increasing attention span is important to having success offline and online. Going to lounges, cafes, art openings, restaurants with bar seating are a few ways to meet people offline by improving gender ratios and optimizing decibel levels.
Stick to less busy times during the week but don’t message at odd hours like 10pm-10am nor during the weekend during the day. (Clients get tips on the best times to swipe and send messages to matches).
Co-Workers, Colleagues, Bosses, Subordinates, Linkedin Connections
When it comes to dating apps, you will inevitably come across someone you work with (unless you use a dating app like The League which pulls your information from LinkedIn and blocks your co-workers automatically). If and when you do, you should swipe left. If you don’t have the guts to talk to your co-worker in person, you shouldn’t hide behind a dating app.
Online dating is a tool to meet others outside your daily schedule, routine, friends etc. These are people you see the most! Aside from being a possible HR nightmare, it could hurt your career. In most states, there is nothing wrong with asking out a co-worker once (unless stated by your company guidelines) but once you ask out your colleague a second time, it can be considered sexual harassment.
Is your job, career worth getting fired over a possible match in which you have less than a 10% chance of success with?
Should You Super Like On Tinder? Should You Superswipe On Bumble?
Some people get a little too eager and think they can get more attention with super likes and swipes. While tempting, these rarely work. When they do, they typically cater to people who are more narcissistic and seeking attention. Do you really want to waste your time and effort on such people? It makes people seem too eager and desperate considering you never met and hardly know anything about the other person.
First Messages To Send Girls, Guys On Dating Sites
Timing is everything. Even if you happen to match with that cute girl, guy, you need to send a good first message. You will be judged by how quickly you send that message, what day and time you send that message, the content you are referencing in your introductory message as well as the tone and vibe you put out.
For more on first message tips, read these posts:
Auto-Swiping Right -> Shadow-Ban, Banned From Dating Apps
Swiping too much is bad for your health. Some apps will outright ban people for auto-swiping right while others will just reduce your visibility and not tell you. You should swipe right on less than 1/2 of the profiles you encounter on dating apps. That is a realistic number to operate by when using apps. Swiping too much can signal bot status or someone who is up to no good.
Once you get banned it’s hard to get back on the app and if you manage to do so, you will not have as much success had you treated it like a normal person swiping cautiously. Don’t be a douchebag. Don’t try to game the system. There are no hacks. Just work on your appearance, health, physique, hobbies, financial stability, smiles, wardrobe, photos, bio and prompts.
Swiping Right Too Much, Too Quickly On Tinder, Bumble, Liking Too Much On Hinge
Swiping too much, too quickly can limit who sees your profile on dating apps. Slow down, avoid accidentally left-swiping on someone you are interested in. The more you take your time on profiles, the better experience you will have.
Should You Not Swipe Right On Everyone?
Personalized Online Dating Profile Critique
Strategy (App Choice + Timing + First Messages), Photo Critique, Bios + Prompts + Photo Captions, Wardrobe Feedback, Body Language, Smiles & More
Additional Reading: Dating App Proper Etiquette (Hinge, Bumble etc.), Swiping Left, Swiping Right
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a dating consultant & professional photographer based in San Francisco, servicing clients in New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago and beyond as featured in the NYTimes, SFGate, ABC7News, East Bay Express, Salon; contributor to Good Men Project, Plenty Of Fish and Meddle.
In addition to photos, he provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice, date planning, screening profiles, ID'ing red flags, offline techniques for meeting people organically, naturally.
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