Men have been notorious for this behavior for years and with the rise of Bumble (the anti-Tinder) women have fallen into the same habits that have been condemned for years. My general rule of thumb is that online dating apps are merely a means of introduction and are still governed by the same old rules chivalry and common decency as offline approaches. This goes true for opening lines. If you are a man who says hi to a cute girl at the grocery store and says nothing more, that would be awkward. Same goes for online dating sites and apps. So why would you open up a conversation with so few, effortless words?
I am not advocating that people pour out their life story, exude every emotion out there or even try to use a suave pick up line but what I am advocating is to put some more thought and effort into your opening lines. Apps like Bumble exacerbate the issue even more with a 24 hour window for women to messages men forcing them to type something, ANYTHING, before the time winds down — like Cinderella’s countdown to midnight but far less romantic.
When in doubt, ask about a photo, mention something in the bio or even the classic Hi, I never asked you, do you like guacamole is a thousand times better than hi, what’s up or hey. Just because apps nudge people to make moves more quickly than they are typically comfortable with does not provide an excuse to such lame, short opening messages. There is plenty of competition out there and if you don’t come up with something more thoughtful, creative or charming someone else will and they are a swipe away.
Similarly, men should expect that a woman may or may not be 100% comfortable making the first move. Most women are attracted to Bumble because of the verified accounts, less spam messages etc. but they are not necessarily confident in the first message. Rather than act underwhelmed or deflated from an intro message, give the women a chance to warm up. If the conversation continues to be short, one-sided then move on.
Now that you know why these are bad ways to start a conversation, read this guide on some helpful tips to start a conversation with someone you like or have matched with.
For additional tips about dating apps, profile photos, bios, prompts, check out my blog.