Biggest Dating Deal-Breakers: Dating App Preferences & Ethnicity Filters, Women, Men. Dating App Deal-Breakers, Turn-offs Hinge, Bumble. Dating Profile Pet Peeves

When it comes to online dating, most people are familiar with red flags and related items around safety tips, narcissism and scams. If not, familiarize yourself with those now.

Beyond those automatic left swipes of single photos on dating profiles, deceiving photos from weird high angles and empty bios, there is a set of preferences that people hold that you should be aware of when using dating apps.

People tend to be more selective than they are in person and as such, tend to be less forgiving when it comes to intentions, preferences, deal-breakers on dating apps. Below are some items that men and women tend to pay close attention to when using apps, setting up dates and more.

Related read: Online Dating Resource Guide

 

Religion: Is Religion A Deal-Breaker On Dating Apps? Filtering By Religion, Bumble Filter By Religion, Dating Profile Turn Offs

When it comes to religion, some people either don’t care, have a preference for similar religions and are super religious i.e. god comes first, must love god. To each their own. Ignoring religion can result in more left swipes and thus reduce visibility on apps like Hinge.

Learn to understand what others want and don’t hope you can win them over if you fall outside their preference, and similarly don’t hope you can convert someone if they really like you.

While some people are looking to connect purely from a basis of cultural experiences, some tend to downplay deal-breakers in the hopes you will change.

Knowing which apps favor religious folks can make your online dating experience more pleasurable. Certain apps can have lots of Jewish folks on them and apps like the Lox can attract those from more cultural shared experiences rather than possessing a current, strong religious lifestyle.

Related read: Online Dating 101

 

Height: Is Height A Deal-Breaker On Dating Apps? Dating Apps With Height Filter, How Much Does Height Matter Online Dating? Does Height Matter On Dating Apps, Hinge, Bumble?

Height is a sensitive topic for some men on dating apps. You can tell by the comments when Tinder released a height verification tool, prank on April 1st a while back. Most apps like Hinge, Bumble, CMB, Match have height filters but not everyone is telling the truth.

It’s not uncommon for guys to add 1, 2 or 3 inches to their height. As such, it can result in lots of frustrations on first dates. There is no real good way to screen for height other than to report guys who lie about their height on the apps (offline behavior reports).

I understand short guys tend to get fewer likes and matches on dating sites but the reality is, most men blame the apps and women and often fail to acknowledge their shortcomings (yes, I just did that) including location, ethnicity, style, grooming, facial expressions, job, education, distance, age gap, lifestyle choices (smoking, drinking, religion, politics) and more.

Plenty of women will date guys under 6 feet tall. Similarly, some women will date guys their height or even those 1-2 inches shorter than them.

Unfortunately, there is an arms race among some users on apps as some women will list their height in heels to filter out men who lie about their height. Just be honest.

Related read: Most Common Lies On Dating Apps

 

Race, Ethnicity: Filtering By Race, Ethnicity On Dating Apps (Hinge, Okcupid, Bumble, Tinder) – Onilne Dating Turn Offs

It’s no secret that some races and ethnicities do better on dating apps than others.

Old studies from Okcupid that were since deleted but live on via cached sites, reveal that people have a strong preference for some races and since most people treat dating apps like ordering apps, well, it can take more time and effort to see results on dating apps if you are a person of color.

With that said, I work a lot with men and women of color and I always emphasize using apps that are less superficial, always working on appearance, style, communication skills, grooming, body language and social skills to level the playing field.

Rather than blame apps or the opposite gender, focus on what you can control, influence. Little things like hairstyles, grooming habits, good lighting on photos, personality, smiles, hobbies/interests and app choices can make all the difference.

 

Dating Site For Professionals, Filtering For Educated People, Dating Site For Intellectuals

A number of people will factor education, job and availability when using dating apps. Leaving out this information can result in you being swiped left more than you would otherwise. Sure, privacy is a concern on dating apps but leaving info blank is a huge no-no.

While it’s not important to list your company and title, you should at least reference industry and function so people can get a better understanding of lifestyle and work schedules.

Some people are more superficial and vain than others but most of the time, people want to make sure you are at the same or similar economic bracket.

With that said, putting entrepreneur or self-employed on your profile without details or context can result in most people assuming you are unemployed.

In many cases, job, title and money is not as important to some people – they are most so focused on base level of income and ambition in life.

Apps like Bumble and Hinge can show a range of people and can be frustrating to filter folks by. Apps like the League can be limited in terms of profiles and take time to show you people as profiles are curated daily rather than using mindless, endless swiping.

For more info on related apps like EliteSingles and other educated professional apps, read this.

 

Filtering Singles Parents, Those With Kids On Dating Apps – Common Deal Breakers

Having kids and wanting kids or not can be big deal-breakers. Unfortunately, not everyone is truthful about their situation or intentions.

Some women don’t list they have kids for privacy reasons (avoid being targeted by scammers – more on that below) or don’t want to be prematurely filtered by men who don’t want to date single moms.

Men sometimes lie about having kids especially if they are recently single and want something casual or might want an affair (don’t want to alert women of current/past status).

Similarly, not all men who say they want kids are truthful or clear about when they want kids. Some will say anything to hookup with a woman while others might want kids but just not now i.e. 5-10+ years down the road.

Related read: Online Dating For Parents

Age Filters On Dating Apps: Filtering By Age On Bumble, Tinder, Hinge. Age Range, Age Gaps, Changing Age On Bumble

When it comes to age, women tend to be more selective than men. Most women want to date guys their age or older in their 20s, 30s but tend to open up preferences once they hit their 40s but never date those significantly older than them.

Many guys will focus their preferences on women much younger than them at any age, unfortunately.

Both genders are known to lie about their age once they hit 40 (for women) and 50 (for men). They think they can win the other person over and or that they look younger than they are.

At least with women, many will come up with a bs excuse on their Bumble bios stating they can’t change their age or state their real age after selecting the wrong on in the drop-down menu. Men who lie usually never come clean until the date, if that.

In such situations, I offer clients background checks to research location, age, marital status, kid status and other items often neglected or lied about on profiles.

On that note, some guys use apps for fetishes. One particular app has many Asian people on the platform and can be sometimes used to satisfy these strong preferences.

Manipulative Deal-Breakers: Not So Obvious Deal-Breakers, Preferences

Unfortunately, there are some users on dating apps that like to use them to either target victims or date women who they hope to control. In the former cases, some men target divorcees, widows and single parents who they think might be more lonely. Read more about those safety tips here.

In the latter cases, some men who are well-off will filter for women with low-paying jobs or those that will likely need to depend on them for lifestyle changes. This is not always the case, but creating dependency is a way to trap people in relationships. More on that here.

 

Online Dating Tips – Location Deal-Breakers: Distance, Radius On Dating Apps

When it comes to big-city living, many people date on the island. In SF, that means dating within city limits, in NYC that can mean no bridges, no dating people in NJ or even dating people who are not on the same subway line as you.

Don’t lie about where you live. If you live in the burbs, embrace it or move.

While some people might be open to dating long distances, over time, you will get fewer repeat dates as people narrow their radius distances as they have more options or get burned out by traveling, bad dates and difficulty scheduling dates.

On that note, being too close to a match can also be a deal-breaker. Some women don’t want to date someone too close for fear of having to see them all the time if things dont’ work out. Similarly, first date ideas can be rejected if they are too close too home or are favorite hangout spots for your date.

 

Dating Across The Political Divide: Dating App Political Party Filters – Dating Profile Pet Peeves

When it comes to politics, things can be tricky. Not everyone selects this item on profiles. Some even claim to be moderate when they are left or right-leaning. Since 2016, political parties have become more and more of a deal-breaker for many people.

Just because someone will date you or hookup with you doesn’t mean they can overlook your political choices when considering a relationship. Similarly, knowing what really is a preference rather than a deal-breaker will greatly increase available profiles to you.

On that note, just because you select deal-breakers on apps doesn’t mean those outside your filters can’t see you. Deal-breakers are usually one-sided i.e. control who you see not limit those who can contact, like or message you.

 

Hair Preferences: Blondes vs Brunettes. Which Do Men Find More Attractive, Prettier? Do Men Like Long Or Short Hair On Women?

Hair preferences (particularly color but also hair length) can be a big one. Some people prefer blondes but more men prefer brunettes on average. Similarly, with hair length, some men have a preference for one or the other but if a women looks better with shorter hair, most men don’t care.

Most men have a strong preference for one color or the other but having more than one on a profile or bad hair jobs (coloring, streaks or roots showing) can have the ability to push away even more men.

Bottom line, no one should focus on trying to attract everyone or the most people (quality over quantity).

 

Online Dating Critique, Makeover For Men & Women

Strategy (App Choice + Timing + First Messages), Photo Critique, Bios + Prompts + Photo Captions, Wardrobe Feedback, Grooming Suggestions, Clothing & Hairstyle Recommendations, Body Language, Smiles, Etiquette & More For Men & Women.

-As seen in the NYT, WSJ & More

Other Dating Profile Deal-Breakers: Names, Hairstyles, Grooming Habits, Military Experience, Lack of Photos, Tattoos, Piercings, Lack of Full-Body Photos

Other deal-breakers exist that are not so obvious or can be more one-off rather than categorized above. Having the same name as someone’s ex – that can be a deal-breaker.

Cutting your hair too short – that can be a deal-breaker for some men. Biting nails, chewing with mouth open, body scent, nose hairs – those can all be deal-breakers for some people.

Serving in the military can be a deal-breaker even if you are not actively deployed or on reserves. Stereotypes of aggression, politics, PTSD chances as well as outlook on life can be associated with military service.

Having no full-body photos, too few photos i.e. <4 photos, photos from high-weird angles, photos with caked on makeup, photos that are mostly distant, dark, blurry or group photos can be deal-breakers.

Excessive piercings and tattoos can be a big turn-off for some people. Most people don’t mind some ink or piercings but lip rings, thigh, next, belly tattoos can be viewed as cringy.

Having the same first name as a family member or ex can be enough of a deal-breaker for many.

 

Red Flags In A Relationship With A Man – Dating App Pet Peeves

Some that come to mind are never meeting his family, friends. Never going over to his place. Never available for an impromptu visit.

Never wanting to be seen in public or areas around this place. Dodging questions around his past i.e. jobs, places lived or you seeing his driver’s license. Has two phones.

 

Bumble Filter List, Bumble Free Filters, Bumble Advanced Filters, Bumble Paid Filters

-Distance (free)

-Age (free)

-Verified profiles (free)

-Height (paid)

-Exercise (paid)

-Education (paid)

-Drink (paid)

-Smoke (paid)

-Cannabis (paid)

-Want/have children (paid)

-Star sign (paid)

-Politics (paid)

-Religion (paid)

-What Do You Want From Your Bumble Date (Intentions) – paid

 

Do Bumble Filters Work Both Ways?

No, your filters are only for who you want to see. What you select doesn’t affect who you see unless you subscribe and buy Bumble Premium and activate Incognito Mode (see above).

 

Grindr Preferences, Grindr Profile List

  • Show Age: Toggle this on or off if you’d like to show your age.
  • Age
  • Height
  • Weight
  • Body Type (Toned, Average, Slim, Muscular, Large): choose Do Not Show if you want this to remain anonymous.
  • Position (Top, Ver, Bottom, etc.): choose Do Not Show if you want this to remain anonymous.
  • Ethnicity: This field indicates your racial identity e.g. Asian, Black, Mixed, Caucasian, Latino, etc.
  • Relationship Status: This field indicates what type of relationship you’re in e.g. single, committed, dating, partnered, open relationship, etc.
  • My Tribes: Tribes are a sub-communities of folks who identify largely based on their presentation (e.g. Bear, Daddy, Discreet, Rugged, Twink, Geek, etc.)

 

Hinge Dealbreakers Not Working

Since not all items in a profile are required, the deal-breakers on Hinge will return false positives on occasion, especially for those that neglected to fill out their profile completely.

 

Hinge Preference List, Deal-Breakers & Filters List, Hinge Preferences Deal-Breakers

Hinge Basic Preferences:

-Gender,

-Location

Hinge Member Preferences (free):

-Age,

-Distance,

-Religion,

-Ethnicity

Hinge Preffered Preferences (paid):

-Height

-Politics

-Smoking

-Drinking

-Drugs

-Marijuana

-Education

-Children

-Family Plans

 

Do Hinge Preferences Affect Who Sees You?

No, they are one-sided.

 

Can You Filter By Race, Ethnicity On Tinder?

No.

 

Can You Filter By Race, Ethnicity On Bumble?

No.

 

Can You Filter Race On OkCupid?

Yes,

 

Can You Filter By Race, Ethnicity On Hinge?

Yes, you can filter by ethnicity but it’s not a required field so it’s not always accurate.

 

Dating App With Weight Filter, Filter By Body Type Dating Sites

The only one that has anything like this is Match.com but it’s for body-type. It’s not required and many people lie.

 

Why Can’t You Filter By Weight On Dating Apps? Dating App Filters

Most people would lie, weights are subjective in that not everyone who weighs the same look the same.

 

Is Someone’s Voice A Deal-Breaker? Can Someone’s Voice Be A Turnoff?

Yes, absolutely. That is why some people hire voice coaches. Usually it is the high pitch, whiny voices that are the most annoying to people.

 

What Dating Apps Filter By Height? Does Bumble Let You Filter By Height? Can You Filter By Height On Hinge, Tinder?

Most apps do i.e. Hinge, Bumble, The League, Match.com, Okcupid etc.

 

What’s The Biggest Dealbreaker On A Date? First Date Dealbreakers, Common Dating Dealbreakers, Early Dating Deal Breakers

Chewing with mouth open, poor manners, since 2016 being a Trump supporter, bad breath, poor manners or being too pushy.

 

Negative Language, Jaded Personality, Deal-Breakers In Dating Profile Bio, Being Too Needy – Online Dating Pet Peeves

If you come across people who have deal-breakers in a dating profile bio, take note. These people can be miserable, distrusting, jaded. No hook-ups, no players, lists height because apparently that matters, don’t waste my time etc.

Learn how to decode such language in a profile here.

 

Does Hinge Show Deal Breakers? Does Bumble Show Dealbreakers?

No, unless you write in your bio, profile or prompts.

 

Are Tattoos A Dealbreaker? Dislikes For Dating Profile

They are for many people. Most don’t care about small tattoos or ones that are not obvious but many do care about large tattoos, generic/cliche tattoos or tacky tattoos. If you don’t know what is tacky or what your tattoos signal, consider asking an unbiased source about image consulting.

 

Is Smoking A Dealbreaker?

It is one of the biggest dealbreakers around. It’s one thing to smoke an occasional cigar or joint but everyday smoking is a huge deal-breaker.

 

Dating Coach Services - Men & Women

First date ideas, wardrobe styling, places to meet singles, where to sit at bars & restaurants, body language, vocal intonation, eye contact, conversation skills, how to be more approachable, conversation starters, mock dates, grooming, hygiene, hair, wardrobe, style, lifestyle choices, uncovering blindspots, reducing biases and more. Clients from NYC, LA, Chicago, Washington DC, San Francisco, Boston, Austin, Seattle, London, Sydney, Melbourne & beyond.

-As seen in the NYT, WSJ & More

Hinge Dealbreakers, Bumble Dealbreakers, Hinge Preferences Not Working, Online Dating Dealbreakers, Examples Of Dating Dealbreakers, Tinder Dealbreakers, Dating Profile Dealbreakers, Dating Profile Turnoffs, Online Dating Preferences

Online Dating Frequently Asked QuestionsDating App FAQ’s

How To Be Successful In Online DatingTips With Photos, Captions, Bios, Prompts & More

Online Dating Resource Guide (podcasts, research, studies, surveys and more)

Biggest Mistakes Women Make On Dating Sites – Common Mistakes Women Make On Dating Apps

He’s Just Not That Into You – Signs He’s Not Interested

Psychological Effects of Online Dating – Is Online Dating Bad For Mental Health

How To Look More Attractive In Dating Photos – How To Be More Attractive In Photos

Worst Dating Profile Photos – Worst Dating Photos Hinge, Bumble

Signs Of Manipulation While Dating, In Relationships – Manipulation Tactics

Decoding Dating Profile Phrases – How To Decipher Language In Dating Profiles

Online Dating Red Flags – Dating App Red Flags

Why Am I Not Getting Second Dates – Why You Can’t Get A Second Date

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About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie is a professional photographer, dating coach & image consultant based in San Francisco, servicing clients in NYC, LA, Chicago & beyond.

His photography style balances approachability and professionalism while focusing on personality highlighting the individual by consulting on wardrobes, appearance, location scouting and what the client wants to signal, attract.

Eddie has been interviewed by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and other media outlets regarding all things dating. He helps men & women with profile setups, app choice, communication skills, writing, date ideas, strategy, screening profiles, reading people, body language and lifestyle choices.

Clients include Venture Capitalists, CEO's, Attorneys, Tech, Non-Profits, Medical Professionals, Coaches, Engineers, Therapists, Government Officials, Shy Men, Successful Women, Single Parents, Divorcees, Widowers, Creative Professionals from Google, Apple, Salesforce, Linkedin, Facebook, Instagram, Tesla & more.

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