What Are Dating Apps Like For Men? Is Online Dating Hard For Men? What Are Women Looking For On Dating App Profiles? Male Online Dating Experience
The internet is filled with dystopic views of online dating and dating apps. Many men have gone viral for claiming dating apps are impossible for men like this guy. Some men are so jaded, bitter and pathetic that they make catfishing profiles of women to prove that women have it easier than men.
The truth is, experiences will range on a variety of factors like expectations, demographics, appearance, confidence, communication skills, app choice, career, lifestyle choices, hobbies, intentions, timing and just random luck. If you take a survey of men who are on apps, you will get a range of opinions, including;
-Dating apps are the only way to meet people today
-Can’t meet women offline
-Women don’t like to be approached offline
-Dating apps suck, dating apps don’t work
-Dating apps only work for Chads
-Dating apps are not worth it if you are not 6ft tall
-Dating apps only work if you are attractive
Even professional services providers will have varying opinions of dating apps. Matchmakers routinely trash dating apps. Dating coach opinions will vary based on their specialities, i.e. are they focused on the online dating experience only? Dating app companies will tell you their services are more efficient than going out to a bar. Therapists may tell you to be vary carefully.
Below are things you should consider before investing significant time on dating apps. If you are currently using dating apps, this will be helpful in assessing whether you should continue to use apps, if so, how often and what you can do to improve your dating efforts online and offline.
Related read: Online Dating As A Woman
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Online Dating Gender Ratios – Dating App Ratios, Male To Female Ratio On Dating Sites (Using Dating Apps As A Guy); Why Is Dating So Competitive?
The first thing that usually comes to mind when it comes to the online dating experience for men is gender ratios. Even in a place like the Bay Area, gender ratios and any data related to dating apps is usually met with strong feelings. Gender ratios will vary by age but for the most part, the ratio does not exceed 52:48 (male to female) in San Francisco. However, if you look at dating apps, the ratios are much more skewed.
The gender ratios on most dating apps can be anywhere from 2:1 to 4:1 or more depending on the location, age range and app choice. If you do the math, there are simply not enough women on dating apps for men. As such, they will have to wait longer to get likes, matches and dates, but it’s not uncommon for men to get any likes or matches at all. Some guys will just resort to the volume approach and swipe right on everyone, which will then affect their visibility.
The truth is, the gender ratio offline (in-person) is much better for most guys on dating apps but not all men possess the time, courage, energy or effort to want to try to meet women offline. Some guys like the convenience of dating apps, a few like the anonymity on dating apps to conceal efforts of infidelity and others use them as intended – another tool to meet women.
Bots, Scammers, Catfishing, Liars & Fake Profiles On Dating Apps, Male Online Dating Experience
One common mistake men make on dating apps is to assume all profiles are of real people. If you analyze the registration process, it takes about 3-5 minutes to create a dating profile on most apps and there are no background checks on any apps and most verification tools do little to ensure people are not catfishing you. Scammers prey on those that are lonely, depressed, widowed or look like they have never dated.
Scammers on dating apps may just want to waste your time. Others may want to set you up for theft. Some may want to pull a sexual extortion scheme on you. Modern thieves will just want to drain your bitcoin accounts or get you to click on phishing links from 3rd party apps and communication tools.
Even if you are able to navigate the land mines of fake profiles on dating apps, you have to deal with liars. Lies come in all sorts of shapes and sizes from using photos that are 5-10+ years old, photos taken when they were 20+ pounds lighter, photos that are photoshopped and photos that are taken from misleading angles to appear slimmer.
Narcissists, Time Wasters & Low-Effort People On Dating Apps
If you spend enough time on dating apps, you may encounter a disproportionate number of super attractive women on dating apps. Believe it or not, dating apps are no longer just for weirdos, introverts, nerds and ugly folks. Dating apps ahve gone mainstream and are now popular with celebrities, executives, models and more.
Unfortunately, some people will use dating apps for personal gain whether it is to promote their business, gain followers on social media, seek validation, get attention (ego boost, get over an ex etc) or just test out the dating waters. Given the gender ratios mentioned above, women don’t have to do much to get likes, matches and dates.
Granted, quality is not always there, but the volume is which is the main argument men make with respect to who has it easier on dating apps. It’s better to get any matches than no matches but things are not always what they seem. This mindset is rather disturbing and unfortunate and can lead to new or further mental health concerns including insecurity, self-doubt, depression or worse.
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As seen in the NYT, Bumble & More.
Dating Apps Are Manipulative; Dating Sites Prey On Your Insecurity, Vulnerability; What Is It Like Being A Man On Dating Apps
Dating app companies are a business, they are not a charity. The longer they keep you on the apps, the more they can make money off you. Dating sites make money from subscriptions, selling bells and whistles, or by getting you to nudge others to pay for such services. It’s not all that bad – if dating apps didn’t work enough or at all, no one would use them.
Apps have a variety of tactics to get you to pay, including hiding likes, throttling profiles shown, limiting the number of likes one can send, offering advanced liking features for better visibility for a fee, placing profiles behind paywalls, or by making interest from others rather ambiguous. You don’t have to pay a dime to have success on dating apps, but many guys look for shortcuts and hacks rather than working on themselves or adjusting expectations.
Dating apps have a ton of information and can get a sense of how desperate and lonely you are by time spent on apps, how frequently you swipe right on profiles, how many likes you received, number of contacts in your phone and what you write in your messages. There is a lot of money involved and people make a living by taking advantage of you, if you let them.
Dating Apps Are Expensive, Spending Too Much Time On Dating Sites; Online Dating Experience For Men, What Is Online Dating Like For A Man
Yes, dating apps can be a cheaper alternative than going to bars every weekend but the extra costs for swipes, boosts and premium accounts can add up. Most apps hide recurring fees while others do a lot of scheming to prey on your anxiousness and insecurities. Even if you have self-restraint and can practice patience, there are other indirect costs associated with dating apps.
The recommended amount of time one should spend on dating apps should be around 20-30 minutes a day, 3-4 days a week. The more time you spend on dating apps, the more likely one can become addicted. Extreme addiction can lead to depression or other mental health problems. The more time you spend in front of your screen, the less time you spend on refining and improving your social skills.
Most people put way too much time into their profiles and opening lines, but when it comes to date planning and first dates, they fail miserably. The reason could be because of catfishing or bad etiquette, but often times, guys lack the communication skills needed to get a second date. Lack of hobbies and interests as well as spending time outdoors in social settings can lead to a regression in skill sets needed for dating.
Is Online Dating Hard For Men? Are Dating Apps Hard For Guys? Male Dating App Experience, Dating App Experience For Guys
You bet they are, but they are also hard for women. The thing is, dating apps are merely a tool for meeting others and should never be used as your main or only method for meeting women. Dating apps were never meant to make dating easier, they were only a different way to meet others.
Dating in general is tough – it’s like a job for some (and it should be). If you don’t take dating seriously, why should you expect to succeed? The most valuable thing in life is time and you are asking strangers to give that to you based on your profile. If you are unable to invest the time, effort, strategy and planning needed to succeed while dating, you can’t expect to have a good experience on the apps.
Yes, dating apps are easier for some than others but everyone has room for improvement. If you are the type to blame height, age, opposite sex or apps, you might not be ready to date. Dating is as much mental as it is strategic, luck, and planning. Before you waste too much time on dating sites, make sure you are ready to commit to taking apps seriously and willing to endure the highs and lows associated with apps.
Dating requires patience. There are some amazing people on apps, but you will need to be patient, strategic and opportunistic. You will need to learn how to filter profiles, read people, ask questions, have conversations, plan dates and be a good date. Dating apps continue to be one of the top ways people meet their spouse, but not everyone is willing to put in the work or has the advantages others do.
If you need unbiased opinions about your profile, photos, messages, app choice, strategy or approach, I am available to help you navigate the dating waters.
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-As seen in the NYT, WSJ, AskMen, Women's Health, Bumble, SFGate, ABC7News-
What Are Women Looking For On Dating Apps? Online Dating Mistakes To Avoid, Online Dating Tips For Men, Dating App Tips For Guys
You don’t have to be 6ft tall, you don’t have to be a chad nor do you have to be a rich. Those things help but they are not everything. Specific interests as well as deal-breakers will vary from woman to woman but generally, here are some tips to do better on dating apps.
-Be as tall or a few inches taller than the women you are focused on
-Be confident, be ambitious
-Have hobbies and interests (ideally not all male dominated nor solo activities)
-Get good photos (don’t have to be professional but should show you, your body and your lifestyle)
-Be charming/unique (don’t be cliche or say what you think they want to hear)
-Always work on yourself (exercise, eat well, practice social skills, foster friendships)
-Don’t be lazy (don’t just send likes without comments if possible)
-Smile (don’t look too intense that you look like a serial killer)
-Learn to dress decently (dress to impress)
-Be strategic with timing, comments
-Don’t ignore hygiene, grooming i.e. hair, nails, teeth etc.
-Show that you read their profile
-Don’t ignore their preferences/deal-breakers (i.e. height, location, ethnicity, religion, lifestyle etc.)
Is Online Dating Harder For Men? Is Online Dating Easier For Women? Are Dating Apps Harder For Guys? Are Dating Apps Easier For Women?
Each gender has its own sets of issues, frustrations. Men typically deal with self-sabotage and lack of effort and self-awareness whereas women lack ability to use good judgment, screen profiles, read people, ask questions and being more proactive in their dating lives.
Average Guy On Dating Apps – Online Dating Is Too Competitive
I have seen tens of thousands of dating profiles over the years and there are a number of glaring things that come to mind. The average guy on dating apps has terrible photos. The average guy on dating apps lack hobbies and interests (at least those that women find attractive). The average guy needs help with writing bios, prompts and first messages. The average guy on dating apps has to try harder because gender ratios are brutal for most guys on dating apps.
Is Online Useless For Men? Are Dating Apps Pointless For Guys? Why Dating Apps Are Bad For Guys, Why Is Online Dating So Hard For Guys?
It is for a good portion of men given the gender ratios. The bottom 30% of guys don’t have a shot unless they take a break, invest in themselves, get new photos, expand hobbies/interests, move, lower expectations, practice communication skills or re-evaluate their wardrobe and lifestyle choices.
The middle 50% of guys have aspects that could get some matches and dates but there is always room for improvement. A few new photos, better opening lines, awareness with timing, more smiles or better hobbies, interests and swiping strategy can be enough to see some success but it will take time.
There is a lot of bad behavior on dating apps (ghosting, harassment, stalking, unwanted attention and lack of effort that drives women away from apps. If these bad apples were removed, it would improve the dating experience for all on apps.
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About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He has insight into algorithms as well as a keen understanding of dating cultures across locations, demographics, and orientations.
He helps with profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & where to meet singles. Whether you are a POC, short guy, introvert, engineer, or just struggling with dating, he can help you be efficient & strategic.
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