Mistakes Men Make Online Dating: Red Flags In Dating Profiles, Swiping, Opening Lines & Photos, Online Dating Tips For Men On Hinge, Bumble, Dating Advice For Men
Despite the straightforward setup of dating apps, many people keep repeating mistakes over and over again and seemingly never learn from their mistakes.
Despite racking up likes and matches these effortless signs of interest often mean nothing or don’t result in effort with respect to conversations and dates. Many men make the mistake of using boring, generic intro lines like ‘hi’, ‘hey’, ‘how was your day’ and wonder why they don’t get responses or even get unmatched quickly.
How To Online Date As A Man, Online Dating App Advice For Guys
Doing well on dating apps is not just trying to convert matches to dates but more so attracting more of the people you seek.
Keep reading for advice on profiles, app etiquette as well as offline factors including appearance, grooming habits, smiles, teeth, fingernails, cologne use, approachability, etiquette, manners, confidence, posture, shoes, smell, eye contact and more.
These items might seem small and insignificant but can compound easily making your life and dating efforts harder than they need to be.
Online Dating Mistakes Guys Make – Dating Profile Mistakes, Online Dating Tips For Men
This post is all about helping men be more proactive in their dating lives, helping them take control and alerting them of the deception that plague dating apps, profiles and intent.
Many men assume too much of women, apps, matches, and swipes. Knowing these common mistakes will save lots of headaches, frustration and time for you so you can focus on what’s important for you.
Click here for biggest mistakes women make on dating sites.
Bad Dating Profile Photos, Worst Photos To Use On Dating Apps: Looking Away, Not Smiling
There is a lot of bad advice out there with dating profiles and photos that guys sabotage their efforts from the get go.
Lack of energy or smiles, posing next to cars, cringy selfies (home, bed, bathroom, gym), dark or distant photos (harsh lighting, creepy dark environments, lack of close up photos), narcissistic photos and photos that cover your face (sunglasses, hats, masks, looking away in photos) are just some of the photos that will likely yield an automatic left swipe on your profile.
Beyond that, being original, interesting and fun is that will separate you from the pack of guys using cliche, boring photos. Many guys either think smiling makes them look feminine or not smiling makes them more mysterious, attractive.
The #1 complaint I get from women is lack of smiles and approachability. All smiles are not equal so you will need to practice and figure out what works best based on your gums, face, teeth etc.
Biased Advice From Reddit, PUA Forums & Buzzfeed Articles
Many men rely on the internet for advice on photos to use in dating profiles. It’s great to seek advice but often times these people either lack the ability to be brutally honest with you or they have context other people (strangers don’t).
Similarly, their advice is catered toward Tinder audiences that are superficial and generally less mature. Just because you get a lot likes from strangers on an Instagram post, doesn’t mean people want to date you or take your seriously.
Plenty of superficial photos get likes on IG but fail to provide insight, personality or depth about you, what you are or what you seek. Similarly such superficial photos can signal you are not interested in anything serious.
Rather than rely on people who have not proven to be successful themselves, get advice from people you know and trust. Don’t have many friends or people you can ask for help?
Check out my dating profile critique service that explores profiles, photos and strategy.
Using Old Photos That Don’t Look Like You Or Photos That Have Different Looks, Appearances
Your photos should accurately depict what you would look like on a date now, not 10 years ago. Dating app photos should be 2-3 years old AND reflect your current weight, hair color, hairstyle, grooming patterns, etc.
Less than 5% of people who say they look younger than they appear actually do look that way. They are lying or have friends who are biased and unwilling to be brutally honest and are lying to them.
Having varying hair colors, styles can give pause and result in fewer likes because you will be judged by your worst photo (not your best one). People will also look you up on Linkedin for a close up view, verify employment, location and check out your IG to see if you are following a bunch of IG models.
Men Lying About Age, Being Married or Divorced or Having Kids On Dating Profiles
Many guys jump into dating after separation but rarely give enough time to mentally cope with the divorce. Lying about your marital status is a huge red flag and shows lack of trust in others.
Similarly, not disclosing you have kids or lying about your age shows insecurity or inability to give people the benefit of the doubt. Without trust, you can’t expect women to fall for you.
Lazy Prompts, Empty Bios, Lacking Vulnerability, Substance, Cliche Prompts
Leaving profile prompts blank or using generic, cliche responses shows lack of effort and boring lifestyle. Women will assume you are lazy, unable to be vulnerable, lack personality and substance or are trying way too hard to be cute.
Listing an Instagram handle in your profile will lead people to assume you are only looking for Instagram followers, attention, validation etc.
Similarly, cliche answers like Jim and Pam Office references, pineapple on pizza or Netflix answers reveal absolutely nothing about you and make it harder for quality women to start conversations with you.
Stop trying to be cute and play it safe – be yourself for a change. Many men avoid showing emotions, passions and personality as a rejection can seem more personal, direct. The more boring, average and cliche you are, the harder it is to stand out from the competition.
Online Dating Consultant: Help With Online Dating (Hinge, Bumble, The League, CMB, Match & More)
I offer 1 on 1 coaching with a focus on image consulting, wardrobe styling, grooming, posture, location, (and their effect on marketability), swiping etiquette, timing, app choice, first messages, photo order, appearance, filters and paid services.
I will help you understand and leverage education, personality, ethnicity, lifestyle choices such as religion, politics, education, family planning. As seen in the NYT, WSJ, Bumble & More.
Not Specifying What You Want, Sounding Jaded, Dismissive
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having preferences and deal-breakers but listing what you don’t want will make you sound untrusting, judgmental and possibly invite the exact people you are trying to avoid in an attempt to get past your defensive shields.
It also suggests an inability to screen profiles and read people and in a way, asking people to politely bow out if they don’t meet your requirements (good look with doing that on Tinder).
Rather than focus on what you don’t want, focus on what you want in your life. Be positive, focused. By sounding negative, you will also dismiss quality women who think you have trouble keeping drama out of your life. With that said, you can’t just wish for things to happen.
Mistakes Guys Make On Tinder, Hinge Dating Mistakes – Online Dating Help For Guys
Some guys use Tinder as their first dating app of choice given it’s brand familiarity, but it may not be the best app for you.
It’s largely for younger demographics <25 and those in smaller towns where apps like Hinge, Bumble etc. don’t have enough users. Ask around and see what apps others in your area use.
As for Tinder, don’t enable Tinder Smart Photos nor should you use more than 4-6 photos unless all of them are excellent, as you will be judged by your worst photos. Make sure to fill out your profile adequately, as incomplete profiles will be viewed as lazy.
Different apps benefit from different photos as each has different audiences on them. Knowing this is key to creating a custom profile for each app.
Liking Everyone On Hinge, Swiping Right On Everyone On Bumble, Tinder, Not Sending Comments With Likes – Hinge Tips For Guys, Bumble Tips For Guys – Swiping Right Too Much On Hinge, Bumble
Some guys make the mistake of swiping right on everyone for efficiency purposes. Rather than be thoughtful and send out comments, some guys swipe right on every profile and then focus on those that they are most interested in.
This type of behavior is not only bad etiquette, it can get you banned. Some apps might think you are a bot while others think you are not genuine enough for the app and their focus on relationships.
Making The First Move: Initiating Conversations, Opening Lines & The Volume Approach
Guys are awful at initiating good opening lines. They often use the volume approach (sending copy-pasted lines from the internet) to save on time and efficiency.
This is a horrible strategy. Showing you read the profile and making a connection is key. Similarly, trying to seem to buddy-buddy will land you in the fried-zone. You want to show effort and customization, but don’t want to write a novel.
The other thing to consider is timing and tone. When you send a message is key as you want to improve the chances it will be read. Clients of mine get tips on the optimal time and strategy to get messages read on dating apps.
Being Too Picky On Dating Sites, Lacking Self-Awareness, Realistic Expectations
Some guys are delusional when it comes to dating app expectations. While I don’t believe in limiting yourself to dating with your league, you do need realistic expectations.
Aiming for women significantly younger and more fit than you will yield more left swipes and thus reduce your visibility on certain apps over time. Similarly, while most guys will date women from further distances, women are more selective with geography.
Just because you are successful, educated or wealthy doesn’t mean you automatically deserve the most desirable women – there is a lot of competition for women on dating apps, so you need to be well-rounded, funny, interesting and charming to have a chance.
Many guys lack social etiquette or dating experience, further setting themselves back on dating apps.
Assuming Too Much Out Of Likes And Matches, Carrying Conversations, Date Plans, Second Date Assumptions
Just because a girl swipes right on you on a dating app, doesn’t mean she likes you, wants to talk to you or even go on a date with you. They merely want to get to know you more and see if there are any red flags and see if you are worth meeting in person.
Women are also examining your communication skills, etiquette (enthusiasm, responsiveness etc.) as well as date ideas. If you fail at any one of these things, that is enough for someone to stop replying or even unmatch you.
On that note, just because a woman agrees to go on a 2nd date with you, if you ask at the end of the first date, doesn’t mean a 2nd date will happen. If you choose a crappy date she (being too forward or inviting her to your place) she can change her mind.
Similarly, some women are afraid of how a guy will react if she says no to a 2nd date in person, so she might decline later that night or next day. If you take too long to plan a second date or don’t put much effort into a 2nd date, she will likely meet someone else more worth her time.
Dating Profile Critique For Men & Women: Dating Profile Review (Hinge, Bumble)
App Choice, Photo Order, Photo Critique, Bios + Prompts + Photo Captions, Wardrobe Feedback, Grooming Suggestions, Clothing & Hairstyle Recommendations, Body Language, Smiles, Facial Expressions, Hobbies, Interests, Lifestyle Choices, Etiquette & More For Men & Women.
-As seen in the NYT, WSJ, AskMen, Women's Health, Bumble, SFGate, ABC7News & More
Using The Wrong Dating Apps & Sites, Using Too Many Apps, Paying For Premium Features On Dating Apps
There are a bunch of bad dating sites out there, and even the good ones are bad if you don’t fit their demographics. Too many guys default to Tinder because it’s easy but that app has awful male to female ratios. Rather than use more apps to get more likes and matches, focus on quality over quantity.
Being on too many apps will likely yield lost opportunities (not reading/replying quickly enough) or create profile fatigue (too available, desperate).
Similarly, paying for premium features doesn’t make you attractive. Focus on getting better photos, improve your writing/communication skills and learn to dress well, smile and be more approachable.
Being Socially Awkward, Lacking Writing and Communication Skills, Being Too Boring, Lack Interests, Hobbies
Video, startups, anime and working out will only get you so far in communicating to others you are interesting, fun or intelligent.
Many guys default to dating apps to avoid rejection in real life, or because they are awful at talking to people in real life (this is particularly true for engineers). Once you meet, your soft / in person skills are needed.
Not working on these will ultimately lead to you failing on first dates. If you can’t text well, communicate effectively, plan dates or be alive on dates, you will waste your time and her time.
Expand your hobbies, develop interests, join teams, seek out groups of people with similar passions, practice communication to connect with people rather than sounding robotic of disinterested.
Wrong Mindset: Too Focus On Data, Conversions (Photofeeler, Tinder Smart Photos)
A lot of guys try to hack their way through dating and this includes use features like Tinder Smart Photos to have the app pick their top photos and using sites like Photofeeler to rank photos from other users.
It’s great to seek out help but there are problems with relying on features like this to quantify efforts.
Tinder Smart Photos won’t tell you if your photos suck on an objective level. You will be judged by your worst photo so it doesn’t matter what your best photos is. Similarly, Photofeeler doesn’t look at profiles as a whole and relies on feedback from users that struggle themselves giving an inflated set of scores.
The sum of the whole can be less than the parts when it comes to ranking individual photos. Similarly, different apps require different sets of photos to do well (what works on Tinder doesn’t always work on Hinge, Bumble).
Copy And Pasted Bumble Bios, Hinge Prompts & Tinder Pickup Lines – Hinge Profile Tips For Guys, Bumble Profile Tips For Men
Many women have seen all the lines on the internet. Using copy-pasted info from dating coaches, ghostwriters and dating app assistants is not helpful. Being able to think on the fly and come up with timely responses, captions, prompts and bios that complement photos are key.
It might take more time, effort but believe me, more effective, efficient. Once you go down the volume approach, you will get stuck in the Hinge, Tinder and Bumble algorithms.
Related read: Hinge Profile Tips | Bumble Profile Tips
What Are Women Looking For On Dating Apps? What Do Girls Look For In Guys On Dating Apps?
Everyone is different. Some women are looking for a relationship, marriage and kids. Others are not sure. Some are looking for attention or a distraction. Others might only be wanting to see what is out there.
Regardless of what a woman wants, she change her mind at any given time just like a guy can, does. It’s important to learn how to ID red flags for timewasters, narcissists, lonely people, those that are distrusting and insecure and those that are indecisive.
Online Dating Advice For Men: How To Successfully Navigate Dating Apps – Online Dating Help For Men
In my coaching services, I work with men to unlock these and other roadblocks that get in the way of meeting quality people, being ready to be open and vulnerable and knowing how to ID time wasters and cut things off more quickly.
Knowing where to go on a date, places to avoid, timing of messages. Being successful with dating apps goes beyond the profile and looks at strategy, appearance, first impressions, lifestyle choices, style, facial expressions, body language and more.
No Replies On Tinder, No Responses After Matching On Tinder
Likely matched with a bot, spammer, narcissist, influencer, someone out of town, accidental right swipe.
No Replies On Hinge, No Response After Matching On Hinge, Hinge Match Doesn’t Respond
Likely you didn’t send a message with a like, first line was poor or good but something cliche or heard often (not unique), she changed her mind, found something unflattering about you after looking you up on IG, Google, FB or Linkedin.
Bumble Match Doesn’t Message Me, Why Don’t Bumble Matches Send Messages?
It could be that they didn’t get around to it (don’t check within 24 hours, too many matches), found someone better, were looking for IG followers, changed their mind, have better options or are bots or spammers.
How To Write A Dating Profile For A Man Over 40, Over 50? Dating Advice For Men
Avoid one time references, occurrences in the past i.e. met a celebrity once 20 years ago. Be detailed, avoid cliches, show effort.
State what you want rather than what you are trying to avoid. Use good grammar, avoid typos and definitely don’t lie about age or height (lies will destroy any chance of things progressing).
Are Dating Apps Harder For Guys, Is Online Dating Easier For Women
Yes and no. Sure, there are gender imbalances on dating apps and women get more matches but most likes and comments are unwanted.
Many matches tend to lie about their height, age, appearance, intentions, locations or lifestyle choices. This is why women tend to increase height requirements because many men (perhaps like you) lie about height and they compensate for this with an extra buffer.
As a straight man, have you ever been stalked by a woman before? Have you had a woman show up to your place of business? Have you had a woman threaten your livelihood? Have you had a woman send you more dick pics than you could ever imagine? Have you had woman look up your phone number online, message you on Linkedin or find your address online?
Until your fellow breatheren stop doing stupid shit like this, women have to overcompensate and apply more filters and be more cautious and be more selective to avoid wasting their time with men.
Your best bet is to not play games, be honest, avoid time-wasters, have realistic expectations and get off apps if they don’t work for you rather than pay for useless boosts, swipe right on everyone or use lazy intro messages.
How To Get A Woman’s Attention On A Dating App, How To Stand Out On Dating Sites, Online Dating Profile Help For Guys, Dating App Advice For Guys
Don’t rely on biased feedback and advice from friends who look different than you and have different lifestyles and preferences than you. You will have to try 50% harder than the average woman given dating app gender ratios. Can’t copy women’s profiles and expect to do as well.
Women judge you based on many offline attributes as well including: approachability, manners, response time, honesty, smell, transparency, confidence, style, posture, grooming habits, fingernails, teeth, smiles and more.
I will review these items to make sure you get the most out of your photos and make a great first impression on your first dates!
Contact me today for a consultation.
Online Dating Coach For Men
Contact me today to get independent advice on your photos, app choice, bios, prompts, swiping strategy, first messages and more.
Dating Coach For Shy, Introverted Men, Online Dating Tips For Shy Guys, Online Dating Tips For Guys, How To Do Online Dating As A Guy, Online Dating Rules For Guys, Online Dating For Men, Dating App Tips For Men
As someone who has experience working with quantitative and qualitative data, I know how to approach dating apps, biases, first impressions as well as approachability, timing, messaging and more.
Unlike other dating coaches, I am not concerned with being flashy, showing myself on YouTube or making bold promises. I am more focused with working with those who are really focused on meeting quality people. I reject over 70% of the people who apply to work with me.
I only work with people that I would not only introduce to friends, family and colleagues but also those that are ready to date and those I believe I can help.
It doesn’t help me to take on clients I don’t think I am able to help. Similarly, every person is unique which is why I don’t offer cookie cutter programs
Dating Coach Services - Men & Women
First date ideas, wardrobe styling, places to meet singles, where to sit at bars & restaurants, body language, vocal intonation, eye contact, conversation skills, how to be more approachable, conversation starters, grooming, hygiene, hair, wardrobe, style, hobbies, lifestyle choices, uncovering blindspots, reducing biases, weeding out creeps & time-wasters and more.
Clients from NYC, LA, Chicago, Washington DC, Silicon Valley, San Francisco, Boston, Austin, Seattle, London, Sydney & beyond. As seen in the NYT, WSJ, AskMen, Women's Health, SFGate, ABC7News, Bumble & More
Additional Reading: Online Dating Tips For Men, Dating App Tips For Guys, How Successful Are Dating Apps For Men, Online Dating For Guys, Dating Profile Help For Men, Online Dating Advice For Guys
FAQ’s To Online Dating Apps – Online Dating 101 For Men
Cliche Dating Profile Bingo Card – Generic Dating Profile For Men
Why Online Dating Is Frustrating, Exhausting – Why Is Online Dating So Hard For Men
Psychological Effects Of Dating Apps – Dating Are Depressing For Men
He’s Just Not That Into You – Signs He’s Not Into You
Online Dating Red Flags – Dating App Red Flags To Note, Online Dating Guys To Avoid
Dating App Profile Background Checks – How To Vet Dating App Matches
Dating An Engineer – How To Date An Engineer
Best Dating Photos For Guys – Good Dating Profile Photos For Men, Dating Profile Photos Tips For Guys
How To Get More Matches On Dating Sites – How Guys Can Get More Matches On Dating App
How To Be More Photogenic In Dating Profile Photos – How Guys Can Be More Photogenic
Why Am I Not Getting Second Dates – Not Getting 2nd Dates Guy
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a dating coach for men & women and a professional photographer based in San Francisco, servicing clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, Silicon Valley, London, Washington DC, Boston, Sydney and beyond as seen in the NYT, WSJ, SFGate, ABC7News, AskMen, Women's Health Magazine & Bumble.
Former analytics professional and former user of dating apps himself, he possesses unique insight into dating app algorithms as well as a keen understanding of dating cultures across various locations, demographics, ages, ethnicities, cultures, genders and orientations.
He provides guidance on app choice, bios, prompts, wardrobe, messaging, image consulting, date planning, screening profiles, ID'ing red flags, weeding out time wasters & creeps and offline tips including lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication skills, confidence, where to go, sit and meet singles. Whether you are a person of color, short guy, introvert, engineer, successful professional or woman over 40, he can help you be more efficient, knowledgeable and effective in your dating life.
Dating App FAQ's | Online Dating Resource Guide | Dating Services | New To Dating Apps
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