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Dating apps are one of the most common ways for people to meet these days, this is particularly true of people over 50 who are the fastest-growing (as a percentage) segment of users on dating sites.
As people get older, it becomes harder and harder to meet people organically. What typically happens is that people become more and more stubborn and set in their ways. They also become busier with their lives (with work and/or with kids) and start to lose friends (move away and via divorce).
Folks also stop making new friends to offset the lost of friends, which is pretty common given most people meet their friends in school, work and kids schools. The loss of friends wouldn’t be as bad in of itself, but given it’s much easier to date and meet singles with a friend and through being set up, it’s it doubly bad.
Given recent trends, more and more people are giving online dating a try and using dating apps is no longer the stigma it use to be (unless you have a cringy profile).
What To Know Before Using Dating Apps – Best Dating Apps Over 40, Best Dating Apps Over 50
Dating apps are a great way to meet people you otherwise would not meet (school, work, social circles, neighborhood etc) but it’s important to understand what to expect. Dating apps are meant to be used sparingly, using them too much or for all your dating efforts is a recipe for disaster.
Dating sites are basically introduction tools – nothing more, nothing less. Just like someone can lie about their age when you meet at a bar, they can lie about themselves on an app. Being too trusting and over-qualifying people too quickly/easily will lead to failure on dating apps. Be excited but be cautious.
Dating apps require thick skin. You can’t put your self-worth into apps. You have to learn to accept and deal with rejection. If you are not in a good place mentally, you might be worse off on dating apps as harassment, ghosting and disappointment is fairly common.
Online dating is not a shortcut. Dating apps are not easy. You can’t use apps to make up for lack of exercise, poor grooming/hygiene, boring hobbies/interests, bad lifestyle choices, unrealistic expectations, or loneliness. If you can’t meet people offline, you are likely going to struggle on apps as well, as these tools are a reflection of who you are and what you have to offer.
Paying for dating apps doesn’t mean more success. Paying for dating apps doesn’t make you more attractive, interesting or marketable. You have to invest in yourself. In some cases, that means relocating, expanding hobbies and interests, resetting expectations and understanding that you have to be ready to date and not everyone wants what you want despite what they write.
Just because you have a great career or financial freedom doesn’t mean you can date a model or someone younger than you.
Related reading: What To Expect From Online Dating
Online Dating Coaching For Men, Women
Help w/ swiping etiquette, timing, app choice, first messages, filters, deal-breakers, paid features, screening profiles, reading people, ID'ing red flags/liars, date planning, cutting-off time-wasters and using dating apps more effectively & efficiently.
As seen in the NYT, Bumble & More.
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The best apps will vary across genders, orientations, and locations. There is no perfect app nor is there a best site. If you live in a remote area, likely no app will work for you, as there is not enough traction and engagement to sustain activity.
Similarly, all dating apps are tools. They take time in best-case scenarios. You invested years of your life into careers, finances, savings, health etc – dating success requires similar effort but with less focused structure and different skill sets.
The best apps will range but can be Match.com, OkCupid, Hinge, Bumble, Tinder or Coffee Meets Bagel. Users fluctuate across all these apps and people pause accounts and reactivate profiles all the time. I generally tell clients to stay away from OurTime, EliteSingles, Eharmony etc.
Yes, I realize people use Tinder for friends, hookups, tour guides etc. but you are just as likely to meet your spouse on Tinder as you are able to come across a creep on Hinge or Bumble. Use good judgment. Create a good profile. Rather than using more apps, or different apps, evaluate your profile, bios, photos, and prompts first. So much self-sabotage exists on dating apps.
One should also note that the older you get, the fewer people are on the apps. The number of profiles started to dwindle drastically with age.
Related read: Tinder vs Bumble vs Hinge (Dating App Comparison)
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Screening Profiles, Red Flags, Why Don't Guys Reply, Low-Effort Messages, Overwhelmed With Matches, Signs He's Not Interested, What Your Dating Photos Signal, Coffee Dates As First Dates? Lying About Age, Putting 'No Hook-ups' In Your Profile & More
Dating Help For Men, Women, Best Dating Sites Over 40, Best Dating Sites Over 50
It’s impossible to troubleshoot one’s dating life without context. There are so many variables. Dating apps don’t work for most people as they have no idea what they are doing or they lack effort, focus, self-work or realistic expectations. Online dating is not meant to replace meeting people offline.
Using old photos, lying about your age, and being stubborn about your hobbies, interests and lifestyle choices will make it harder to do well offline and online. In most cases, people think dating apps will solve their dating woes. It won’t.
They don’t work if you don’t know how to communicate effectively, screen profiles, read people use good judgment, are jaded or are lonely/depressed.
Does Hinge Work For Over 40, Does Bumble Work For Over 40, Does Tinder Work For Over 40, Am I Too Old For Bumble, Is 50 Too Old For Hinge, Is There A Tinder For 50 Year Olds?
Yes, apps function for people regardless of age but success varies by looks, strategy, self-awareness, photos, location, etc.
Women tend to have a harder time on dating apps as they age because there is more competition, men are more likely to be ok being alone rather than adjusting expectations and also because men cast a wider net in terms of age, ethnicity, job/education, religion, politics and location.
Women tend to date older men earlier in life and thus it sets an expectation that men will always be able to date women younger than them. The more women date guys their own age, the better women will be in general later on in life.
Related read: Dating App Demographics
Dating Coach For Women Over 40
Dating is tough, covid made it tougher and it’s even more brutal as a single parent. Don’t waste countless months and years making mistakes. There is nothing more precious than your time so get caught up on all the dating options out there (apps, matchmakers, offline efforts) and find out which is best for you based on your lifestyle, location, preferences, hobbies, deal-breakers and more. See my dating services here.
Dating Coach Services
Photos, Profile Reviews, Navigating Apps, Image Consulting, Date Ideas, Where To Meet Singles, Offline Efforts, Communication/Social Skills, Screening Profiles, Reading People, Relocation Advice & More.
Ideal Clients: Women, Men, Gay & Straight Individuals Seeking Relationships
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About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He has insight into algorithms as well as a keen understanding of dating cultures across locations, demographics, and orientations.
He helps with profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & where to meet singles. Whether you are a POC, short guy, introvert, engineer, or just struggling with dating, he can help you be efficient & strategic.
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