What To Expect From Dating Apps, Dating App Advice For Beginners, Should I Use Dating Sites, Intro To Online Dating, How To Use Dating Apps Productively

Should I use dating apps? Should I try online dating? If you are looking to start online dating, you have come to the right place. Dating apps make it easy to download an app, create a profile and send and receive likes and messages, but there is a lot more to online dating than likes, matches and comments.

Too many people waste valuable time making mistakes like wasting likes on time wasters, sabotaging their profiles, sending lazy messages, swiping right too much or having unrealistic expectations. How to know if online dating is for you is something most people struggle with figuring out.

Below is an overview of what to expect from dating apps, how to navigate online dating more effectively, how to build a profile and what to expect from an etiquette perspective. Dating can definitely feel like a full-time job, so brace yourself on what’s to come.

More detailed questions and answers can also be found here in my online dating FAQ. Helpful guides, articles, podcasts, books and more can be found here in my resource guide. 

Related read: Is Online Dating Worth It?

Who Uses Dating Apps, What Kind Of People Use Dating Apps? What Age Group Uses Dating Apps?

Just because anyone can download a dating app doesn’t mean they should. Dating apps are typically used by folks 22-65 but with age, user counts start to shrink. Gender ratios typically favor women in their 20s (2:1 up to 3:1 or 4:1 or more), but over time, ratios even out and can flip flop after 40 in some parts of the country.

Historically, there was a stigma around dating apps and who used them. Nerds, geeks, introverts, loners, homebodies and anti-social individuals were thought to be the only types to use dating apps.

While those types of people remain on the apps, more diversity has been injected into the dating pools. This includes celebrities, executives, doctors, lawyers, startup founds, politicians and more.

With that said, there is a common perspective held by women of men on dating apps: the odds are good but the goods are odd.

Related read: Online Dating Gender Ratios

 

How To Approach Online Dating, How Often Should You Check Dating Apps,

Dating apps should be treated as a tool to meet others outside one’s social circles, routines, immediate neighborhood and schedules. With that said, it should not be used exclusively or depended on to replace meeting others organically or offline.

Online dating can be a great way to meet people but it’s key not to become addicted or waste too much time on the apps as social skills can regress and important things like hobbies, interests, friends and health could take a hit.

I recommend using apps around 20 minutes a day, 3 times a week to swipe and send initial messages. More time will be needed to carry conversations and plan dates.

Related read: Dating App Addiction

 

Online Dating Expectations, Misconceptions: How To Use Dating Apps Efficiently

Just because a dating app is marketed as for relationships or serious dating doesn’t mean that will always be the case. People often lie on dating apps. Common lies include height, location, employment, appearance, marital status, name, intentions, having kids, education or politics.

There are even lots of fake profiles on dating apps as well as people seeking friends, penpals, jobs as well as scammers, bots and those not ready to date.

Many dating apps contain bio fields for many of these items, and some people who leave them blank feel like this is not lying. Truth it, transparency is needed to have the most success on dating apps, and that is not a requirement to set up a profile.

People use photos that are filtered, are taken from weird, high angles to make them slimmer, use face only photos to hide their bodies, limit info to avoid being stalked and hide their profiles to limit visibility from spouse and friends of their partners.

Related read: Common Lies On Dating Apps

 

Online Dating Profile Templates – Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, Dil Mil; Photos, Prompts, Bios

As soon as you create a profile on most dating apps, it can be visible to everyone on the sight. It’s important to make a good first impression as dabbling on dating apps with empty profiles, few photos, cliche bios and generic prompts can offset things like appearance, resume and approachability.

Like a resume, a good profile takes time to create and is often re-done and polished before being submitted. It is helpful to review the questions, understand what is being asked of each app and have those items ready so you know if you are ready to have a good profile and ready to be competitive.

Related read: Online Dating Templates

 

Dating Apps vs Sites – Online Dating Basics, What To Know About Online Dating Apps

These terms are used interchangeably but refer to more or less the same idea. Dating apps are ones where you download an app to your phone and dating sites are ones where you login in via a website. Some apps also have a website version of the app (to use on your laptop/desktop computer) but most use apps these days.

Related read: Reasons People Use Dating Apps 

Online Dating Advice For Women

Screening Profiles, Red Flags, Why Don't Guys Reply, Low-Effort Messages, Overwhelmed With Matches, Signs He's Not Interested, What Your Dating Photos Signal, Coffee Dates As First Dates? Lying About Age, Putting 'No Hook-ups' In Your Profile & More

Paradox Of Choice On Dating Apps, Too Many Options Online Dating, Being Too Picky On Dating Apps

Upon a dating profile going live, it will be boosted either by algorithms trying to get you hooked and trying to assess desirability but also by users on dating apps sorting profiles by newly created. In either case, some people may get bombarded by likes while others get inbound interest that is unwanted (looks, politics, location, age etc).

Dating apps have filters but most are hidden behind paywalls. Similarly, preferences and filters are usually one-sided in that if you specify you only want to see people within a certain age range, that doesn’t mean you can’t get likes or comments from people outside those ranges.

Filters are often applied to profiles shown in your queue but dating apps prey on insecurity and will paywall likes and comments from users who may be from far away or outside your filters.

People on dating apps are generally more picky and more delusional than they are in person. This is mainly due to oversimplification of interest derived from likes and matches, abundance of choice and notifications (gamification) of dating apps.

Related read: New User Boosts, First 72 Hours Of Creating A Dating Profile

 

Online Dating Expectations: Time To Find A Relationship On Dating Apps, Success On Dating Apps For Men, Women; 

Just because someone wants a relationship doesn’t mean they want one with you or are telling the truth. If someone states on their profile that they want kids, that doesn’t mean they want them now.

Online dating apps should be viewed as introduction apps much like a bar or getting an introduction from a friend. These are not ordering apps.

Yes, it’s possible to meet your partner within the first couple of weeks on dating apps, but most people don’t. It’s not uncommon to get few or no likes and matches on dating apps. Just like you would not expect to meet the perfect guy at a bar, nor should you expect to meet the love of your life on a dating app right away. 

Dating apps require patience, timing, luck, good profiles, solid communication skills, being present, being vulnerable, being honest, and having realistic expectations. Not everyone is willing to put in the work. Some people view dating apps as a hack or don’t take them seriously. The ability to screen profiles and read people is an essential skill.

Related read: Harsh Reality Of Online Dating

 

Online Dating Addiction, Frustration, Struggles, Hard Truth, & Mental Health; Dealing With Rejection 

The ability to deal with rejection is a skill most people lack. Too often, people overly invest themselves on strangers they barely know on dating apps or put too much of their self-worth into dating apps. The ability to use apps efficiently and effectively is key to avoid online dating burnout.

Given the abundance of choice and preferences on dating apps, people who are in the minority are often seen less and have a tougher time than others. Being short as a guy, being in the minority of politics in your area, being old, being someone of color or possessing hobbies and interests that are incompatible will significantly delay finding people on dating apps unless you are focused, strategic, patient and continually working on yourself.

Related read: Psychological Effects Of Dating Apps, Mental Health & Online Dating

 

Low Effort On Dating Apps, Dabbling With Online Dating, Testing The Waters Of Online Dating

The amount of effort needed to create a profile is painfully low and in some cases, non-existent. Thanks to anonymity and focus on engagement, registration counts and monetization, effort on dating apps is much lower, on average, than those encounters in person. On dating apps, you don’t have the social stigma of rejection and unfortunately people are less likely to report users on dating apps.

Similarly, some people treat dating apps like a game or are just testing the waters to see what they are about, see who likes them or use them for validation or a confidence boost. It takes time to measure intent and to get to know people. This can’t be figured out on a dating profile, a few messages or event a few dates. It takes time.

The ability to move on and cut out time wasters is a skill that will save you precious time. Stop making excuses for others. Work on yourself, so you can be more selective as you attract who you are (appear to be) and not always what you seek.

Related read: Online Dating Mistakes Women Make

 

Paying For Dating Apps, Which Dating Apps, Sites Should I Pay For? Are Dating Apps, Sites Worth Paying For? 

Admittingly, dating apps can be rather sparse in terms of functionality and filters, but that doesn’t mean paying for apps will get you better results. Typically, paid features help to speed up the process of sorting – they don’t make you more interesting nor attractive. Boosts typically get you more visibility but the quality is diluted as more people from outside age ranges and locations are seeing your profile.

A much better ROI with dating apps is to invest in yourself. Exercise, hobbies, communication skills, wardrobe, location, grooming, lifestyle choices will fetch more likes, better quality matches than paying for any dating app.

Related read: Dating App Premium Features

 

Online Dating Filters, Preferences, Deal-Breakers, Premium Accounts, Ghostwriters, Professional Dating Photos

Professional dating photos are often too forced and obvious and suggest that photoshopping has occurred or that the photos do not look like you currently. A profile that tries too hard or sounds like everyone else’s is obvious when these ghostwriters are copying and pasting bios and answers to prompts.

Related read: Professional Dating Photos

Hinge Profile Tips!

Great Hinge profiles are more than just witty prompts and good photos. Learn how to make a good Hinge profile, how many prompts to use, what information to put in a profile, whether or not you should photo prompts and photo captions, and if you should link your Instagram account to your profile.

Dating App Safety, Online Dating Creeps, Dating App Backgrounds Checks, Multiple Accounts

There are lots of safety and privacy concerns when it comes to online dating. Too many people overshare information like their routines, when they are not at home and personal information. Dating apps don’t screen profiles or conduct background checks.

Profiles that are reported are not always banned as users don’t report bad people often enough and several reports are needed before things are escalated. Lack of evidence, moving off apps and offline behavior make it difficult to prove anything.

Revenge is also a critical thing to acknowledge. Even though apps don’t notify who makes reports, some people can make assumptions based on timing, lack of interactions and dates. Profiles can routinely be banned but that doesn’t mean people can make new accounts with different phone numbers.

Related read: Dating Profile Background Checks

 

Dating App Etiquette: Messaging, Replying, Unmatching, Ghosting, Texting & Dates, Online Dating Etiquette

The thing around common courtesy and etiquette is that there is not much agreement, especially in places like the U.S. where people come from different backgrounds, cultures, religions, upbringings and politics. When you layer this with anonymity on dating apps, people tend to behave more poorly than they would in person or if referred from a friend.

Ghosting happens often on dating apps. Never assume a like is intentional. Never assume a match will lead to a date. Never assume people read profiles, agree to your preferences or conditions of dating or will abide by boundaries.

Many people who are on dating apps are on them because they lack proper communication skills, social skills, dating experience and effort needed to approach people in person.

Related read: Online Dating Etiquette

 

Online Dating Is Not For Everyone: Putting Your Self-Worth Into Dating Apps

It’s easy to feel good about getting likes and matches on dating apps – who doesn’t want to feel wanted, liked. Apps tend to exaggerate what it means to have a like or a match. A like is a signal of possibly wanting to learn more about you. A match doesn’t mean someone wants to go on a date with you, at least right away.

People tend to treat matches like therapy sessions, penpals or conversely, tend to move too quickly via seeking numbers or dates too quickly. Moving off the apps makes it harder to report people and can be viewed as a possible red flag.

Be excited, be interested, be curious but don’t pre-qualify people. You can’t expect people to be more interested and attracted to you than you are in yourself. Confidence is key but narcissism is a huge turn off. Not everyone uses dating apps but then again, not using dating apps limits your dating pool.

Related read: Being Ready To Date

 

Tinder vs Match vs Okcupid vs Hinge vs Bumble vs Coffee Meets Bagel vs The League (Dating App Comparisons) 

What dating app should one use? It’s not uncommon for guys to use 3, 4, 5+ dating apps at once. Women tend to stick with 1 or 2 apps at a time, engage actively with fewer matches, and have stronger preferences and filters beyond looks and ‘resume’. Each dating app has it’s own algorithm (method for displaying who to show you and how to show your profile too).

Some apps favor certain demographics, genders, ages, heights, ethnicities and lifestyle choices. Knowing which app is best for you is helpful to save you time but also understand what kind of people use each app. Some apps allow you to filter for ethnicity, while others allow you to hide your profile to others unless you like them first.

 

Which Dating App Is Best For Beginners, What Dating Site Should I Use

In most cases, using more apps won’t make dating easier. Most people who struggle with one or two apps will likely struggle on others. Dating profiles are a reflection of who you are or how you market yourself, so self-work is needed to improve success. Sticking to mainstream apps is generally recommended as niche apps don’t have the traction and user counts that mainstream apps do.

Related read: Best Dating Apps For Guys

 

Bumble Profile Tips!

Learn how to make a good Bumble profile, what prompts to use, what info to put in a profile (photos, interests, bios, and more). Additional help w/ boosts, compliments, first messages, best photo/photo order, Bumble premium available.

 

What Dating Apps Are For You, Should I Use A Dating App? Which Dating Site Should I Use?

Online dating requires thick skin, patience, effort, self-awareness, communication skills and having a lifestyle that people seek. If you struggle with meeting people offline, you will likely struggle with apps too. Dating apps are merely are reflection of who you are and what you have to offer more or less.

Dating apps are not meant to be used exclusively or to replace meeting people offline. They are merely tools to supplement meeting others organically.

If you are asking yourself – what is the best dating app for me or what is the best dating site for me? That will depend on various factors like location, age, gender, orientation, intentions and more. Contact me today for a consultation to see which, if any apps are best for you.

 

Does Online Dating Apps Work? How To Know If Dating Apps Are Right For You, Should I Try Online Dating

Please read this to get a broader understanding of user behavior and expectations.

If you are not going to take things seriously, why bother dabbling in it to begin with?

 

How To Make A Good Dating Profile For Hinge, How To Make A Good Dating Profile For Bumble

How To Make A Good Hinge Profile – Hinge Profile Tips

How To Make A Good Bumble Profile – Bumble Profile Tips 

 

Average Time Spent On Dating Apps (Hinge, Bumble, Tinder); Average Time Spent Online Dating

It will vary, but some studies put it at 5-10 hours a week. That is too much. 15-20 minutes a day 3-4 days a week swiping, sending first messages is suffice. Planning dates and getting to know others should add another 1-2 hours a week.

If you are getting barely any likes and matches after a few weeks, take a break and troubleshoot your profile, photos, app choice, first messages etc. Get help. Friends and family can be biased. Ask the internet or hire a professional who knows what to do.

 

 

How Long Does It Take To Get Likes On Hinge? How Long Does It Take To Get Likes On Bumble?

If you are an average looking woman, you will get likes with minutes if not hours unless you have Incognito mode, have poor photos, don’t show your face or body or have an incomplete profile.

If you are an average looking guy, it can be a few hours or days before you get likes. Again, this depends on profile completeness, # and quality of photos, location, app choice, prompts, bios, incognito mode, verified profile status and more.

 

How Long Does Hinge Take To Match? How Long Does It Take To Get Matches On Bumble? 

It depends on how closely related each profile is, how often the other person swipes right, how long the person is in said area, and how closely each profile is in terms of mutual preferences, deal-breakers. It can be seconds or hours or months or never. 

There are too many variables at play but some include:

-how often you swipe right

-if you send compliments/comments with likes

-how attractive you are

-your self-awareness, realistic expectations

-quality and volume of photos

-effort and detail in prompts and bios

-age, distance and other filters

-your location, app choice, profile completeness, verified status, height, ethnicity, religion, politics etc.

To learn how to get more matches on Hinge, read this.

 

Average Time Needed To Find A Relationship On Dating Apps

It can be 6-18 months or longer, or never. It really depends on your demographics, effort, location, deal-breakers, effort, self-awareness.

Sure, some people have found a relationship in weeks but that is not the norm or the expectation one should have. Focus on the type of person you want to attract rather than the outcome (i.e. relationship).

Lots of variables like grooming habits, personality, hobbies, interests, communication skills, hairstyle, lifestyle choices affect chances for success as well as location, height, ethnicity, education, job, politics, religions, preferences, deal-breakers and location.

 

Can You Block Contacts On Hinge? Bumble? Can You Block Contacts On Dating Apps? 

Some apps like The League, allow you to block contacts from Linkedin, current company etc but there are ways to get around being seem by contacts i.e. fake profiles, friends screenshotting profiles etc.

Apps like Bumble allow users to go incognito and only be seen by people they right swipe on. This is helpful but again, users can screenshot profiles and share them with others.

 

What Is Online Dating Like For A Man? Woman? Preparing For Online Dating

If you are interested in learning about What Is Online Dating Like For A Man? What Is Online Dating Like For A Woman, then read this.

How Many Dating Apps To Use, Using More Than One Dating Site

It can be tempting to use more than 1 dating app at a time to get more dates, improve success (especially if you are not doing well) or to see which one is better. In my experience, people make the mistake and use too many apps and either do not pay enough attention (matches slip through the cracks) or spend too much time on apps (neglect working on themselves, not meeting people offline).

At the same time, women in particular, should note that just because a guy has a great profile seeking a relationship on Hinge or Bumble, doesn’t mean he is not looking for hookups on Tinder at the same time. Assume nothing, assume everything.

Yes, some apps are better than others depending on intentions, lifestyle, location, age, race and other factors but if you are getting little to no traction on more than 1 app, it could be due to other factors including photos, prompts, bios, like strategy, comments, timing, filters, captions, effort etc. This is why it’s best to get unbiased feedback on your profiles rather than use multiple/more dating apps.

Dating Coach Services

Photos, Profile Reviews, Navigating Apps, Image Consulting, Date Ideas, Where To Meet Singles, Offline Efforts, Communication/Social Skills, Screening Profiles, Reading People, Relocation Advice & More.

Ideal Clients: Women, Men, Gay & Straight Individuals Seeking Relationships

About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). 

He helps w/ profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & offline efforts.