How To Stop Being Addicted To Dating Apps, How To Navigate Dating Apps, How To Enjoy Online Dating, How To Approach Dating Apps, Gamification Of Dating Apps

When it comes to dating apps, many people are unaware of the amount of technological resources and psychological research that goes into getting people hooked up on dating apps and the levels they go through to keep sending likes, pay for boosts, see who likes you and upgrade to unlock advanced features and make your profile private.

Dating apps carefully have to balance engagement and results, otherwise users would leave the platform if no one met, found relationships and got married because of them. Dating apps are not charities and they should not be treated like ordering apps like Doordash. I tell all clients to approach dating apps as an introduction tool.

If you buy an air fryer, that doesn’t mean you food is going to come out tasting great. You have to maintain the unit, you have to buy good ingredients, you have to follow recipes and you have to use the right functions. Dating apps are not that different.


Online Dating Checklist

Creating a profile will not get you likes, matches or even dates. Yes, dating apps are rather straight-forward and intuitive during the registration process but the timing, usage and expectations after are rather ambiguous and hard to grasp for many. There are many things needed to have success on dating apps including:

-Photos (lighting, close-up and full body photos, consistency in looks, hairstyles, appearance)

-Writing Skills (bios, prompts, captions)

-Good Grooming Habits (shaving, hygiene).

-Decent Wardrobe, Styling

-Self-Awareness (focusing on those with a similar age, location, height, ethnicity, lifestyle choices, politics, education and appearance expectations)

-Swiping Etiquette (timing, likes vs messages, swiping right on a realistic number of profiles i.e. 5-10%).

Dating apps are competitive, and rightfully so. Low-effort is generally a great way to fail at dating apps.


Unhealthy Expectations On Dating Apps

Many people are unaware of deal-breakers, and preferences on dating apps. They think if they are smart enough, successful enough or attractive enough, that is all that is needed to do well on dating apps and overcome such preferences.

People are more selective online than they are in person, and this can come to a shock for people who do well offline, in-person. Yes, looks, photos and career are important but ignoring the other items above can offset any advantage you have over others. Attractive people take bad photos i.e. bad lighting, narcissistic, bad smiles, dark photos, photos with sunglasses all the time.

People want well-rounded people. Women are outpacing men in advanced degrees and don’t give a shit if you are a partner at a VC firm, have your own company or are famous. In fact, many female clients I know actively avoid these men who are one-dimensional, boring self-absorbed and lack social skills and empathy. ‘Soft skills’ (communication skills, life-balance etc.) are more in demand than ever.


Online Dating Addiction – Swiping Too Much On Dating Apps, Understanding Dating App Algorithms

One obvious symptom of dating app addiction is swiping right too much. Men are less selective when it comes to swiping right on dating apps. They tend to focus on looks mostly while women place more weight on age, education, location, lifestyle choices, race, profession and height.

The intention of dating apps is to help keep an open mind and introduce you to people outside your routine, social circles and day to day life and that is absolutely a great thing, but the problem with that is that it doesn’t factor dating app algorithms. You see, the more you right-swipe on people that left-swipe on you, the less desirable you are deemed.

Similarly, the more you swipe-right, the less desirable profiles you will be served as this increases engagement with less desirable profiles (feeding them likes). In an ideal world, people should swipe right on about 5-10% of profiles served even after using distance, age and other filters. To have the most success, you have to put yourself in the shoes of others and see what they seek and what they prefer.

Playing the volume game and trying to optimize for top of the funnel will deem you as a low-quality profile as you either lack focus, self-awareness, realistic expectations or are exhibiting bot-like behavior.


Online Dating Bad Habits – Spending Too Much Time On Dating Apps (How Much Time Should One Spend Online Dating)

There is a fine line between dabbling with dating apps and not putting in enough time, effort on them and spending too much time on them. I recommend using dating apps for about 20 minutes a day, 4 times a week and a bit more once matches are made and conversations are had and dates need to be planned.

Chances are, if you are spending too much time on apps, you will experience diminishing returns. One should not ignore other aspects like exercise, eating well, social skills, friend circles, building hobbies and interests and developing personal growth. Relying too much on a profile and swiping will do nothing if you are terrible at messaging, communication and date planning.

Related read: Never Stop Meeting People Offline


Lack of Effort & Obsessed With Vanity Metrics (Likes, Matches) – Online Dating Addiction Signs

Likes and matches mean nothing on dating apps. Anyone can pay for boosts and get more likes. Anyone can swipe right more often and get more matches but that won’t necessarily lead to more dates. Similarly, everyone gets likes early on when a profile is created (new profiles are boosted upon creation – more on that here).

Many people on apps try to optimize for top of the funnel metrics meaning that the more they swipe right, the more they get likes, the more likes they receive, the more matches are made (and so on and so forth). In a vacuum, this makes sense, but apps have to curb bad behavior and weigh overall experience of its user base.

Think about it, if guys swiped right on every woman, women would have too many low-quality matches and leave the apps in droves. This is already happening, but not as much if behavior by men went unchecked. Women are the supply on dating apps and men are the demand side of the apps.

A common complaint from men is that women never reply. Yes, that happens. Just because you get a like doesn’t mean they are interested in you to go on a date, it’s a very basic level of interest that can fade if they find something about you after a Google search or if your first message is lame. Even if your opening line is good, doesn’t mean they haven’t heard it before. Matches don’t owe you anything. Stop overly investing yourself in strangers you have not met.

It’s better to focus on fewer matches, show that you read their profile and practice on your writing skills. Too many men ignore these soft skills.

Online Dating Critique, Makeover For Men & Women

Strategy (App Choice + Timing + First Messages), Photo Critique, Bios + Prompts + Photo Captions, Wardrobe Feedback, Grooming Suggestions, Clothing & Hairstyle Recommendations, Body Language, Smiles, Etiquette & More For Men & Women.

-As seen in the NYT, WSJ & More

Insanity Is Doing The Same Thing Expecting Different Results – Compulsive Online Dating

Most men never seek help when it comes to online dating and when they do, they focus on things like photos and first lines only. Many lack self-awareness like swiping on women too far away, too old/young, too educated or ones that have different lifestyle choices, religions and ethnic backgrounds.

Guys are always looking for quick, easy hacks like paying for boosts, sending likes without comments, resetting profiles, or using canned opening lines. Few are willing to take the time to work on themselves like losing weight, updating their wardrobe, shaving their balding head, trimming their beard, and expanding hobbies and interests to be more interesting.

In case you haven’t noticed, dating apps have a gender imbalance (which is driven in part by harassment, privacy concerns, stalkers, unwanted messages, and liars). As such, men have to try harder to stand out. If you are unwilling to work on yourself continually, you can’t expect to stick out to others on dating apps that are superficial.


Toxic Behavior On Dating Apps, Incel Tendencies Online Dating – Online Dating Addiction Signs

If you spend too much time on apps without likes and matches, you can suffer from repeat rejection and even come to hate all women. Just browse internet forums or read pathetic stories like men who pose as women out of frustration.

Don’t overly invest yourself in people. You will be ghosted on dating apps (some more than others but that depends on self-awareness, effort and realistic expectations). Don’t put all your self-worth into dating apps – don’t let strangers define you. Work on yourself all-time. Get help if needed.

If dating apps don’t work for you, stop using them. Focus on offline efforts. Relocate or take a break from dating. It’s not worth obsessing over. More time on apps doesn’t lead to more dates or even greater levels of success. Stop relying on help from biased friends and family who are unwilling to be brutally honest with you or have context strangers don’t.

If you haven’t received many likes or matches after 3 months, you should take a break and get independent feedback on your profile, efforts, lifestyle choices, expectations and strategy.

Related read: Psychological Effects Of Online Dating


Dating Apps Prey On Insecurities, Loneliness On Dating Apps

Making you pay to swipe on profiles after you run out to hiding likes unless pay for them or are patient are a couple ways online dating companies prey on insecurities. Also flooding users with options and giving them a false sense of interest is another way to increase engagement.

You can reduce insecurities by using apps less and not worrying about hypothetical situations, does he/she like me, what does it mean if they saw my IG story, why hasn’tt he/she responded etc. Who cares? Focus on those that show interest, respond in a timely matter and want to meet up. Can’t afford to be picky? Work on yourself, improve your profile or get off apps altogether.

Dating apps can cure or improve loneliness. That is something you have to work on yourself, with professional help before you can expect to have any success on dating apps. Being lonely and putting too much pressure on a stranger is rather a tall ask and unrealistic. You can’t expect others to make you happy if you are not happy on your own.


How to Stop Online Dating Addiction, How To Stop Dating App Addiction

Meet people offline, exercise, expand hobbies, take classes, explore new neighborhoods, eat well, delete apps and deactivate accounts.


My Boyfriend Is Addicted To Dating Apps, Husband Addicted To Online Dating Apps

Why is he still your boyfriend / husband is the question you should be asking yourself.


Why Are Guys Addicted To Online Dating, Why Is Online Dating So Addictive?

Cheap thrills, too shy to get rejected in person, too insecure to approach women offline, can hide behind apps, easier to be anonymous online or just too damn lazy to put on pants, dress up and take a chance to be vulnerable.


Further Reading: Risks, Negative Effects Of Online Dating, Addiction & Self-Esteem, Dating Apps Destroying Self Esteem, Tired Of Dating Apps, Online Dating Frustration, Ugly Truth About Online Dating

Safety Tips While Online Dating – How To Stay Safe On Dating Apps

Harsh Reality Of Dating Apps – Struggles of Using Dating Apps As A Man, Woman

The Online Dating Misnomer – Misconceptions Around Dating Apps And Expectations

Beginner’s Guide To Dating Apps – Online Dating FAQ’s

How To Be Successful With Online Dating – Dating App Tips For Men, Women

Dating App Anxiety, Online Dating Anxiety – How To Reduce Anxiety Around Dating Apps

Online Dating Resource Guide – Dating App Resource Guide For Men, Women

Biggest Mistakes Women Make On Dating Apps – Worst Mistakes Women Make, Assumptions Made And More

How To Be Successful With Online Dating – How To Get More Quality Likes, Matches And Dates

Dating App Rejection Etiquette, Unmatching – Online Dating Etiquette, Expectations, Best Practices

Is Online Dating Worth It – Is It Worth Using Dating Apps As A Man, Woman

Ghosted On Dating Apps: Ghosting Online Dating

Are You Ready To Date? – Are You Ready To Start Dating Again

Dating Coach Services - Men & Women

First date ideas, wardrobe styling, places to meet singles, where to sit at bars & restaurants, body language, vocal intonation, eye contact, conversation skills, how to be more approachable, conversation starters, mock dates, grooming, hygiene, hair, wardrobe, style, lifestyle choices, uncovering blindspots, reducing biases and more. Clients from NYC, LA, Chicago, Washington DC, San Francisco, Boston, Austin, Seattle, London, Sydney, Melbourne & beyond.

-As seen in the NYT, WSJ & More

About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie Hernandez is a dating consultant for men & women and a professional photographer based in San Francisco, servicing clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, and beyond as seen in the NYT, WSJ, SFGate, ABC7News & more.

Previously an analytics professional and user of dating apps himself, he possesses unique insight into the inner workings of dating apps and user behavior. He provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice, image consulting, date planning, screening profiles, ID'ing red flags, and offline techniques for meeting people organically.

Dating App FAQ's | Online Dating Resource Guide | How To Be Successful With Dating Apps

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