Online Dating Red Flags, Texting, Warnings, Catfishing

Dating App Red Flags: Guys To Avoid, Texting Red Flags, Warning Signs, Pushy Guys

The number of people using dating apps has reached an all-time high and will likely continue to climb as more and more people are willing to put themselves out there, the stigma around dating apps diminishes and people become more pressed for time to meet others organically in more traditional ways.

It’s important to know not everyone is genuine or means what that they say on their profile, messages (this is true for offline as well).

Even apps like Bumble that claim to put women first can actually be used to trick women into hookups. Being patient, asking questions and learning to use good judgment are needed to identify dating app red flags and reduce bad experiences on and off the apps.

How To Vet Online Dating Prospects, Men, Women On Dating Apps, Red Flags On Dating Apps

Below are some tips to identify players, narcissists, scammers, influencers and more on dating apps vs photos, bios, messages, app choice and conversations. Knowing how to vet online dating prospects is crucial for online dating success.

Dating red flags span profiles, apps, messages, date ideas, behavior, and more. Learn how to spot them before you become a victim. Here is what to watch for when online dating.

Note, not all the red flags and online dating warning signs are listed here as to not alert said perpetrators. For those that are interested in learning questions to ask on dates, how to judge character and more, contact me for coaching sessions.

For online dating green flags, read this.

Online Dating Flakes, Time-Wasters, Players, Scammers: How To Spot A Player

As more people depend on dating apps for their main or even only method of meeting people, there are things every person should be cautious of, as online dating red flags are sometimes harder to spot than offline ones.

From bots, to scammers, to people lying about their marital status, ambiguous group photos to misleading dating profile photos, here is a guide to helping you ID dating app red flags in profiles.

The Pew Center for Research published a brand-new study that digs into the numbers and is a great read for those looking to learn more about dating apps. There are a number of ways to spot a player but most can be figured out with time and patience (as well as having friends to help you).

Related read: How To Spot Online Dating Creeps 

Dating App Red Flags: What Are They & How To Find Them – Texting, Photos, Bio

Dating apps are no safer than meeting people offline. People often take profiles for granted and assume everything is accurate and up to date. There are lots of lies told on dating app profiles as well as communication, lies of omission and more.

It is much easier to lie and misrepresent yourself online with anonymity, false sense of security of apps and expectations associated with meeting people. (I highly recommend reading Malcolm Gladwell’s Talking To Strangers).

Because of this automatic assumptions and trust of dating apps and profiles (coupled with readily available public information online), people on apps can be more vulnerable to targets of scammers, bots, ransomware and professional stalkers and harassers.

A recent story published by ProPublica and Columbia Journalism Investigations highlights some of these frightening and underreported numbers around stalkers, harassment, assault, violence and rape.

With that said, below are some tips to help identify red flags with guys and girls who are immature, don’t know what they want or are trying to sleep with you rather than trying to get to know you and date you.

Related read: How To Report Someone On Hinge, Bumble

Online Dating Tips: App Choice, Photos & Bios – What Do They Suggest? Early Dating Red Flags

The first thing I recommend for anyone experiencing problems attracting the right person is looking internally. What do your app choices, photos, prompts and messages suggest?

Apps like Tinder suggest something casual for the most part unless it is the only app in your town in which is can be used to find something more steady.

Just because you find someone on Bumble, Hinge or Coffee Meets Bagel (more mature, relationship focused apps), doesn’t mean the person has a hook-up profile on Tinder or wouldn’t try to sleep with someone on date #1 if given the opportunity.

After app choice, your photos and bio/prompts are the next area I suggest people examine. Being playful and cute might seem like an easy, safe way to attract guys but it can also suggest you are not looking for anything specific nor are looking for anything serious.

Defensive language like no-hook ups tend to suggest an inability to identify such behavior or at least a natural distrust for others. I suggest focusing on what you want rather than what you are trying to avoid in your prompts and bios.

When it comes to photos, I suggest being conservative enough to the point where you wouldn’t mind a co-worker, HR or boss stumbling across your profile on a dating app.

If your photos are more suggestive or show you mostly in drinking situations or casual attire, you might find guys looking for a quick fling flocking to your profile

Your profile should show you in a more holistic light rather than weekend party mode. Don’t be afraid to show a dorky, boring, weird or other vulnerable aspect of your personality and lifestyle.

How To Find Red Flags In Dating: Be Patient, Ask Your Match, Date Questions

In the age of apps, people are a little too eager to meet and make assumptions about others. Taking the time to ask questions, get to know each other is a timeless classic way to learn about a person, what they value, how they spend their time, who the surround themselves with etc.

If you only ask superficial questions like food, drinks, TV shows etc. this reveals next to nothing about a person.

Be vulnerable, ask tough questions, make people think and squirm a little (in a good way) and don’t be afraid to ask polarizing or controversial questions but make sure not to ask them like in an interview process.

A guy who dodges questions or doesn’t show goals in life nor can’t be bothered to think beyond weekend plans may provide enough clues early on about his state of mind and place in life.

Go on double dates, do some chores every now and then during dates. Ask difficult questions when the timing is right, relevant.

Pro-tip: Ask them mildly profound or deep questions and see how they respond if at all.

Related read: First Date Red Flags

Online Dating Red Flags, Warning Signs: Evaluate Their Profile, Photos, Bios; Messaging

You can tell a lot about a person and their photos but it is not always easy nor accurate. Self-absorbed photos are an easy way to ID such f*ckbois (gym selfies, bathroom selfies, trying too hard to look good in photos, photos next to cars, photos showing wealth, photos that are a little to perfect, portrait like).

Are his bios and prompts mostly discussing weekends, drinks, partying or TV shows? Does he discuss his passions, insecurities, interests, loves, guilty pleasures and self-deprecating humor? Do his messages come off a little too strong or is often a bit too coy?

Does he flood you with compliments aka Love Bombing? Is he taking the time to learn about you or is he focused on trying to make you feel good and meet you asap.

If a guy comments on your looks too eagerly, makes innuendos that are a bit forward or only messages you at random times around his schedule then perhaps take a harder look at what he is signaling.

An alpha male who has an inflated ego, is a bit too confident or is a little too sure about making assumptions about you are but a few ways to identify narcissistic behavior.

Hi, hey, what’s up or simple opening lines are obvious but I figure this needs to be said in 2020 still (sigh).

Related read: Least Attractive Hobbies & Interests On Dating Profiles

Online Dating Red Flags Texting: Instagram, Links, Guy Asks For Your Snapchat, Whatsapp

If someone lists their IG, WhatsApp, Snap profiles in their dating profile, chances are they will talk to anyone, are looking to get followers, are looking for attention, are narcissistic or have no sense of privacy. No need to get off the app to chat, set up dates or video call.

Regardless of the reason, listing this upfront to strangers is a definite red flag. One exception is on Bumble where it’s not uncommon to find some women uncomfortable making the first move so instead list their Instagram account handle. The more you deviate from the dating apps, the harder it is to report bad behavior.

Related read: Online Dating Stalking, Abuse, Sexual Harassment

Red Flags To Look For Online Dating: Look For Negative, Jaded Bios and Answers

Dating apps are hard and inefficient. It is not uncommon to meet men who become jaded over time. “Please don’t waste my time with XYZ.” “If you don’t intend to meet up, swipe LEFT!!!” are just a few of the passive-aggressive, defensive languages men use to weed out girls.

Similarly, a guy who is too agreeable, does not have his own opinion and is not willing to challenge you politely and thoughtfully might be trying too hard to please you and thus unable to assert himself accordingly to your liking.

Chronically complaining about exes, co-workers, life is a red flag. These are but a few of the red flags of an insecure man and emotionally insecure man who has spent too much time on dating apps and is now jaded by women and dating.

A follow-up sign is insecure mind games (being defensive and unable to trust). Here are some red flag phrases to look out for.

“Swipe Left If” – Shallow

“I am ‘x’ height’ because apparently that matters.” In words of Harriet Marsden “they’ve clearly chosen to be a little b*tch about it.”

“No Drama” (men: this means doesn’t want your opinions; women: I can’t read, analyze people).

Learn how to decode other cliche phrases here.

 Red Flags In Dating Profiles: Cliche Prompts, Answers, Pickup Lines & Lazy Intro Lines Hi, Hey

These are obvious signs of copy/paste efforts, low effort being put into online dating or at the least, lack of creativity. The current fad (and a bad one) is coronavirus pickup lines.

Any old bloke can copy and paste lines from Reddit when they lives are too dull or boring to think of something interesting, unique.

No Dates Planned, Vague Date Suggestions, Texting Red Flags Before A First Date

If a guy never asks you questions, it could definitely be a red flag. Not everyone you match with is up for going on a date or ever meeting. Some guys are lonely, don’t know what they want or too nervous to ask you out. This is inevitable. Other times the other person is lazy or expects you to carry conversations. Not everyone is great at texting but you know what, learn to get better at it if you plan to use apps.

If conversations on dating apps seem to go nowhere, don’t make excuses for him. Some guys are looking for companionship or pen-pals. A guy who wants to meet up will let you know and ask you out. If a guy is not aiming to get to know you or show he has read your profile or plans a good date, move on.

Texting red flags before a first date are slow to respond, doesn’t confirm dates, unmatches you on dating apps, or doesn’t make concrete plans i.e. time, location or activity. Avoid low-effort people.

Unmatching After Getting A Phone Number, Before A First Date

While not always definitive, some people unmatch after getting a phone number and before going on a first date. At worst, the person is trying to free up their queue for seeing other matches on the app.

At worst, the person may be trying to hide being ID or reported on the dating app. Either way, use caution. Typically people should remain matched well into a first and second date.

Guy Wants To Meet Up Right Away, Pushy Men Online Dating Meeting Too Soon

Requests to meet ASAP, grab drinks near his place, short/direct flirtatious messages, generic pickup lines and too smooth behavior are typically red flags for guys who are looking for something casual. Why do guys want to meet so soon? It’s partly being efficient and partly trying to weed out girls who don’t seem interested. But it can also be to hook up, give you less time to google them or avoid being blocked/unmatched on the app.

Usually guys are on their best behavior early on but show their true color when things don’t go as planned.

Seeing how he treats servers, observing how he responds to a date that is unexpectedly cut short or how he responds to your declining of an additional drink are just a few ways to see how he deals with rejection.

See how he reacts to a date that doesn’t involve late night hours or drinks – suggest a play, coffee, museum etc. during the week or during the day.

If a guy is looking to get too cozy too quickly with you at a bar, booth or over dinner, imagine how quickly he moves with other girls. Typically, first dates are used to get to know each other.

Opportunities to get close quickly and easily can be one way guys try to mask their intentions. Being overly aggressive, not taking no for an answer or getting upset about slight rejections or making you feel bad are a few ways to dig into a guy’s personality.

Lying About Having Kids On Dating Profile, Lying About Age A Red Flag? Warning Signs

It’s not uncommon for those with kids to not mention having kids. I have heard all the excuses. Some women don’t feel safe mentioned they have kids (for fear of attracting predators) while some guys omit this information because they don’t get as many matches otherwise.

If you don’t trust the person you match with right off the bat, that is a red flag. Similarly, what else are you lying about?

The same can be true of age and deceiving photos and profiles. It’s not uncommon for men and women to lower their age on dating apps.

Similarly, a common excuse I hear from men and women about using old photos that don’t look like themselves is that they don’t have many photos, don’t like taking photos, don’t have recent photos or the believe they look like their photos still.

This is a huge red flag – all photos should look like you today (hair color, hair style, weight, wrinkles and all).

Online Dating Guys To Avoid: Being Too Controlling Early On, Dating App Red Flags

If a guy is overly concerned about your plans, who you are seeing and demanding of your time before you have defined the relationship, take note. Many controlling guys try to keep women from their friends, family, work obligations or other parts of their lives.

Another form of being controlling is lack of compromise and prioritization. This is true of long-distance relationships, guys who work demanding schedules often in start-ups and guys unable to prioritize you.

Things come up, work is unpredictable but grand gestures of effort are needed. Guys are typically on their best behavior early on in the courting phase and relationship phase.

No Friends, Overly Dependent on You: Putting Too Much Pressure On You Too Early

Many guys on dating apps are genuine in their approach to being ready to meet people and being able to give of themselves but not all guys are like this.

A red flag that many women point out is a guy not having friends. Having no friends can create a burden on women to fill men’s over-dependence on them (friend, confidant, significant other etc.)

It’s one thing to be new in town or have friends that are married with kids but having a few good, close friendships can provide a little validation into someone’s character. As I always say, “You can tell a lot about a person by the people they surround themselves with.”

Online Dating Advice: In-Person Conversation vs. Texting Red Flags

One way to confront a guy who you suspect as being immature, unfaithful or not that interested is being direct and asking in person. Many guys hate confrontation and prefer to dodge questions and lie over text.

Lying to someone’s face is much tougher. Stuttering, looking away or having conflicting stories can add certainty that your suspicions are right.

Confronting someone can be uncomfortable and potentially dangerous so you should avoid doing so in private areas and meet in public when possible.

Lazy, Low Effort Profiles, Messages, Bios and People, Online Dating Messaging Red Flags

When using dating apps, it’s easy to get butterflies and be enthusiastic about your match or upcoming date.

Dating apps can be a great way to meet people outside your routine, lifestyle and social circle but there are many people use treat dating apps like a game and never intend on meeting people or lack the ability to put much effort into dating.

Some apps involve mindless swiping to see who likes you first before making a move – people swipe during meetings, on dates while their date is ordering drinks or is using the restroom and as a game with friends.

It is important to keep track of effort, energy and enthusiasm during the courting stage.  Someone who is indifferent, lacks an opinion, doesn’t meet you halfway or uses short answers and never asks questions is a definite red flag.

It’s not uncommon for people who agree to go on dates to never end up going on said date because of cancellation, rescheduling (and never following up) or straight ghosting.

If someone cancels a date it is up to them to reschedule. If they make no effort you should not make excuses for them nor should you bend over backwards to try to accommodate them.

Some people like to be chased and some people like to exert control and power over others. While this is not often then case, it happens more than people care to admit.

Don’t waste time on people who don’t make a sincere effort to date you. Don’t let a dating slump lower your standards so much that you ignore classic red flags like this.

Asking For Selfies & Photos, Moving Conversations to Text – Pushy Guys On Dating Apps

There is no need to move off a dating app to communicate until at least after you met. Some guys will ask you to them photos of yourself, a selfie. Don’t do it.

All the photos you have of yourself on your dating profile is suffice. Once you move platforms it becomes easier for others to exploit you, blackmail you etc.

There are plenty of ways to read and analyze people’s app choice, photos, bios, captions, messages, poses etc. to reduce chances of catfishing without being so creepy asking about a photo. If someone still insists on a photo, chances are they are insecure or have been catfished often or have trust issues.

Dating Profile Verification Links From Users, Matches, How To Tell If A Hinge Profile Is Verified

These are scams. Don’t click links from matches and people you have not met. It is likely spyware or phishing software that will get access to your files, accounts and more.

The only verification links that are legitimate are from dating apps themselves like Tinder’s catfish test in partnership with Noonlight.

Related read: Dating Profile Verification

How To Spot Fake Accounts & Profiles, How To Tell If A Hinge, Bumble Profile Is Fake

Here are some tips for Hinge and Bumble to detect possible fake profiles by analyzing photos, bios, prompts, location, paid features and more.

Read this: https://eddie-hernandez.com/how-to-spot-fake-profiles-catfishing-on-dating-apps/ 

Bumble Scams, Hinge Scammers, Types of Scams On Tinder

Related read: Dating App Scams

How To Spot Married Men, Signs The Guy You Met Online Is In A Relationship

Some dating apps suggests links based on mutual friends. Some apps will block people you are friends with or know on dating apps (1 or 2 degrees of separation). For this reason, you can’t expect to find a profile online directly or through a mutual friend.

Dating sites like Match.com have the ability to make a profile private until the person decides to reveal himself or herself to you by adjusting privacy and visibility settings.

One strategy (married men in particular) deploy is using dating apps only when traveling as to reduce chances of connecting with someone locally.

If you match with a guy who is from out of town on work, says he is going through a divorce, is not on social media and only wants to meet at hotels (never in public) – consider these red flags.

Other possible signs of a double life or infidelity include multiple phones, paying by cash only, using nicknames and making grand promises of future exclusivity or moving to your town without any exact timelines or specifics.

Related read: Dating Apps for Open-Relationships, Poly, ENM

Emotionally Unavailable Men & Women: Trust Issues While Dating

If you date enough, you will encounter emotionally unavailable girls and guys on dating apps. It’s not a matter of if, but when. Most will out themselves with phrases like “I am not sure I am ready to date” or “I need time, space” or “I am not in a good place right now” etc.

Dodging questions, seeming distracted, arrogance, rudeness, narcissism or evasiveness are all symptoms of such folks.

Most emotionally unavailable people are working through issues from a past relationship whether it’s a break-up, trauma, cheating or something similar. Listen to what people say, don’t make excuses for people who don’t make the effort, ask for time or meet you halfway.

Red Flag Phrases In Dating Profiles: Online Dating Guys & Girls To Avoid, Warning Signs

Good Vibes Only

School Of Hard Knocks

Because Apparently That Matters

Shirtless Pics

I Don’t Know Why I Am Here

Mention of Sarcasm

Work Hard, Play Hard

Friends First

Here To Meet New People / New In Town

I Just Moved Here (translation: I am looking for a tour guide)

Myers Briggs Personality

Negativity

Looking For Someone Who Doesn’t Take Themselves Too Seriously

Not Looking For Any Drama, No Drama

I Don’t Know Why I Am Here

Make Me Laugh (looking for a clown)

Do Narcissists Use Dating Apps? Dating Profile Red Flags, Dating App Red Flags Narcissist

Oh you bet! Some try to be overly sexual, while others are disguised as models, influencers or disinterested.

Many people use dating apps for non-dating purposes whether it’s an ego boost, validation, followers on social media or to scam individuals. Dating profile red flags are plenty and familiarizing yourself with them is key to avoid heart-break.

Narcissists are everywhere on dating apps. They are pretty easy to find. Signs of narcissists on dating apps include selfies, excessive selfies, selfies highlighting their body or physique, duck faces, making pouty faces, selfies in the gym, selfies in bed etc.

Look for signs of self-importance, bragging, seeking attention and insults about people in their profile.

Related read: Narcissists On Dating Sites

How To Spot A Good Man On A Dating App, How To Know If A Guy You Met Online Is Serious? 

Avoid guys that focus on your looks or pay you excessive compliments. Guys that are a little too confident or take their time to reply should give you pause (are they working with a profile writer, ghost writer)?

Google their lines and responses to see if they copied and pasted them from the internet. Avoid guys with narcissistic photos. Avoid guys that are dodgy and avoid answering questions about themselves and don’t want to open up and be a bit vulnerable.

Related read: Online Dating Green Flags

How To Spot A Good Woman On A Dating Site

Avoid narcissists, Instagram handles in bios, vague profiles, generic answers to prompts, excessive selfies, inconsistent photos (hair color, length, style), jaded language i.e. no hookups. Look for someone comfortable in their own skin and doesn’t look insecure, distrusting.

Avoid those with one-word answers, those that don’t ask you questions, those that take too long to reply to messages.

Negging On Dating Apps: Tinder, Hinge & Bumble – Insults; What Is Negging

Negging on online dating is nothing new but some bots, spammers, creeps or those with low self-esteem occasionally match with others to build confidence or tear down others.

Negging is a manipulation strategy in which someone delivers a back-handed compliment (half-compliment). Avoid people who use negs on dating apps as they might have bad intentions or aim to destroy your self-worth.

Red Flags Of An Insecure Man, Emotionally Insecure Woman Red Flags, Red Flags In A Guy, Girl

Possible red flags include no friends, limited interests, thinks you still have feelings for your ex, says s/he loves you right away, love bombs you (you are my everything), need for constant validation, or jealous of your social circle.

It could also be threatens to end the relationship, talks about how exes cheated on her/him, checks your phone, questions fidelity, angry if s/he can’t see you everyday or every time s/he wants to see you, can’t handle criticism and s/he is extremely moody.

High-Maintenance Women On Dating Apps

This is a term applied to women who try too hard to maintain their appearance, take photos etc.

Many guys prefer a woman who is effortless, comfortable in her own skin and doesn’t need caked on makeup, is very demanding (laundry list of deal-breakers) or has staged photos in her profile.

Why Do Guys On Dating Apps Want Your Number? Why Do Guys Ask For Number?

Why do guys on dating apps want your number? Some are too lazy to message on the app, some are afraid you will unmatch them, others are looking to free up their queue of matches, and some might try to look you up and find out info about you.

No need to exchange numbers until you meet.

Green Flags On Dating Apps, Green Flags In A Girl, Guy, Green Flags Online Dating

It’s not so much that a few green flags are a sign this is the one or this person is a keeper, but rather for that moment, this person is doing the right thing – nothing more, nothing less.

Rather than list green flags which people might overanalyze pre-qualify people too quickly, and unnecessarily, it’s best to learn to read people’s actions but also intentions, timing, tone, effort, etc.

I offer coaching sessions in how to read people and look beyond meaningless, one-off actions and how to determine consistent effort, enthusiasm, prioritization and actions over time.

Learn more about green flags here.

Social Media Red Flags

Narcissistic photos i.e. excessive selfies (narcissism, mental health issues, body issues).

Why Do Guys Hide Their Profiles On Match?

Mostly for the same reasons women do i.e. privacy but sometimes to make it easier to cheat on their partners, spouses.

Dating A Divorced Man Red Flags, Dating A Separated Man

Talks badly about ex, not straight with his story, no definitive time with finalizing the divorce, still lives with ex, doesn’t prioritize you.

Online Dating Red Flags For Guys – Low Effort Women

Vague profile, low-effort, moves off the app too quickly, doesn’t want to meet up, refuses video chat, sends you links to click on, one-word answers.

Don’t Know Yet Bumble, Bumble Don’t Know Yet Red Flag, Older Dating Red Flags

If you want kids, don’t waste your time on someone who is not sure if they want kids. Don’t expect to change someone’s mind. Similarly, if they don’t know if they want a relationship, don’t expect them to change their mind.

On the flip side, just because someone says they want a relationship, doesn’t mean they want one now or with you. Don’t know yet on Bumble can be a red flag depending on what you seek or how focused you are on dating. Only you know your preferences vs deal-breakers.

Grindr Red Flags

Everything on Grind is a red flag if you are on the app seeking a relationship. Grindr is for ordering sex. It’s Ubereats for blow jobs, sex etc.

Tinder Girl Wants To Meet Right Away – Internet Dating Warning Signs

Are you ugly? Is she out of your league? Is she asking to meet in weird, remote areas, hotels or asked to be picked up?

Guy Keeps Changing His Location On Bumble, Guy Keeps Changing his Location On Hinge

If a guy keeps changing his location on dating apps like Hinge or Bumble, he is likely using them while traveling for work on or on vacation or possibly moving. Either way, he is likely looking for something casual.

Online Dating Won’t Give Number, How To Say No To Giving Your Number On A Dating App

It’s not needed for girl to give out a number on dating apps. Many guys use lame excuses like they don’t check the apps or prefer to text or buggy apps but that is BS. Guys are pushy and if you don’t feel comfortable, don’t give it. You can coordinate dates via the app perfectly fine. If he doesn’t trust you, move on.

Most first dates don’t end up with second dates and if you have a hard time ID red flags or using good judgment, you likely want to be extra careful as people can look up your address online via a phone number (which is why I recommend using Google Voice to hide this info a bit). 

Bumble Travel Mode Red Flag, Bumble Red Flags, Bumble Don’t Know Yet Red Flag

If a person doesn’t know what they want yet, it’s not a red flag. It means they don’t know. If you want kids for example and they don’t know, it’s not a red flag on their end, it’s more so you have different goals and intentions.

Red flags have to do with people misrepresenting themselves or sending mixed signals. When you choose to ignore signs, that is lack of good judgment. With respect Bumble mode red flags, those are situational. Some people use travel mode to:

-move from suburbs to cities

-prospect dates when in town

-planning for a move

-looking to hookup

-hide from friends, colleagues, spouse/partner

Read this to learn about Bumble travel mode.

How To Trust Someone You Met Online, How To Tell If Someone Is Genuine On Online Dating

Give guys a chance, but don’t make excuses for them. Don’t bend on your values and priorities but be open to meeting guys who don’t meet your exact list of height, education, income, ethnic and physical appearance.

Look out for red flags and don’t ignore them. This is more likely to occur if you are lonely, had a recent breakup or have had a string of bad dates.

Dating takes time. If you try to rush it, things may backfire. Just because your friend met her husband on a dating app in the first week and got engaged within 6 months doesn’t mean everyone is on the same timeline.