Decoding Popular Phrases On Dating Sites: Dating Profile Translations – What Do Guys And Girls Mean, How To Decrypt Online Dating Profile Phrases, Meanings

When it comes to dating profile bios, there is a lot of ambiguous language and phrases one will encounter on men’s and women’s profiles. These are generally red flags and codes for hidden meanings. Some are intentionally ambiguous while others are pretty upfront and obvious. Knowing them ahead of time will save you time and heartache. 

 

Worst Dating Bio Phrases On Hinge, Bumble & Tinder: Decoding Dating Profiles (Men’s & Women’s)

Just Ask | Ask Me Anything | I’m An Open Book

My life sucks, I have nothing to write here.

 

Fluent In Sarcasm

I’m a humorless asshole who gets off on belittling people and being a manipulative bitter person.

 

Can’t Handle Me At My Worst, Don’t Deserve Me At My Best

I have multiple personalities. Bat-shit crazy.

 

I’m A Nice Guy

Men who believe basic social expectations, gestures, and manners are currency for sex.

 

Swipe Left If | Don’t Waste My Time

I lack the ability to screen profiles, read people and use good judgment.

 

Open-Minded

With respect to sexual activities, partners, situations and arrangements.

 

Laundry List Of Must Have’s

I have nothing to offer in life.

 

Looking for the Jim to my Pam

The Office TV show reference. A girl looking for her soulmate. She is boring, basic, unoriginal and just sits in the corner quietly and expects you to do everything.

 

Pineapple On Pizza

I have no original thoughts and will play it safe in life and spend too much time on r/foreveralone on Reddit.

 

Work Hard, Play Hard

I micro-dose to function and do lines on the weekends.

 

Looking For Someone Easygoing | I’m Easy Going

See I’m Open-Minded.

 

Not Sure How This Works, LOL

I lack basic comprehension and shouldn’t be allowed to use the internet.

 

I’m Looking For A Girly-Girl

I am looking for a pushover who will not challenge me.

 

Looking For Someone To Make Me Laugh

Looking to date a clown for some kinky butt stuff.

 

Brunch, Hike, Mimosas, Festivals

Basic personality who takes queues from Instagram to tell me how to lead my life.

 

No Drama | Drama-Free

There is no room for drama as I have too much already for the two of us.

 

Must Be Able To Carry A Conversation

Judgmental and will never let you get a word in.

 

Instagram Handle On Bumble, IG Only In Bio

Instagram account will lead you to their OnlyFans profile. Makes money from strangers watching their streaming account.

 

Good Vibes Only, Positive Vibes Only

I’m not good at sorting complex emotions and maturity.

 

Wanderlust | Digital Nomad

Bad at relationships. Leaves town when things get difficult.

 

[Insert Height] Because Apparently That Matters.

Insecure simp.

 

Dating Profile Meanings: What Do They Really Mean? Decoding Profiles On Dating Sites

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Sick Of Games

I have multiple babies with multiple people.

 

Ethically Non-Monogamous / Poly

Woman looking for a man to let her partner / husband have fun with while she watches.

 

I’m In An Open Relationship

Guy who has never dated and thinks you will think he is cool because he has a partner and not a loner.

 

Not A Fan Of Politics

Trump Supporter.

 

Only Emojis In Profile

I can’t write at all.

 

Health Conscious

No fatties.

 

Entrepreneur

Unemployed.

 

No Hook-Ups

Will not have sex on a first date but will definitely do so on date #2.

 

Not Looking For A Relationship

Looking to bang. That’s it.

 

Hi, Hey, How Are You, How Is Your Day / Weekend / Afternoon / Evening?

I copied and pasted this to everyone.

 

Friends First

I have no friends and am an emotional vacuum and will use you as my therapist.

 

Tech at Tech Company

I am just another employee exploiting people for wealth.

 

Down To Earth

Has no ambitions in life. Lives on couch.

 

Show Me Around

I’m too cheap to pay for a tour guide. I’m too lazy to initiate anything. Will just lay down and stay still, quiet during sex.

 

My Kids Come First, My Son / Daughter Is The Center Of My Universe

Shitty Parent. Some things are obvious, don’t need to be said unless you have reason to try to persuade people otherwise. If you are a great parent or don’t know how to screen people who don’t respect your situation, that says more about you and your ability to screen profiles and read people.

 

Must Love My Dog, Must Love Dogs, I’ll Probably Like My Dog / Your Dog More Than You

You will be the third wheel in our relationship. I will love my dog more than you.

 

If I Super Swiped You It Was An Accident, If I Super Liked You, It Was By Accident

Narcissist. Makes poor decisions in life. Needs help.

 

Sapiosexual

I don’t want you to think I’m easy.

 

I Like Staying In And Going Out

I am a human.

 

Dog Mom

My dog lives in my purse or a stroller and is fed with baby bottles and is burped in public.

 

Someone Who Doesn’t Take Themselves Too Seriously

All about one-night stands.

 

I’m Adventurous // Adventures

I don’t believe in condoms.

 

My Friends Say I’m Pretty / Good-Looking

My friends don’t know how to lie to my face.

 

I’m Really X Years Old | Bumble Won’t Let Me Change My Age | Age Is Wrong

I am too insecure about my age and it shows.

 

I’m Romantic | I Love Cuddling | I’m Affectionate

Sex-addict or virgin.

 

I Have Two Roommates

Guy lives with his parents.

 

I Love To Laugh

I am a serial killer.

 

Number of Countries Visited

Shallow, instragrammer. We will be featured on Boyfriends of Instagram whether you like it or not.

 

Please Be Emotionally Available

I attract emotionally unavailable people 24/7.

 

Does Anyone Actually Read Profiles?

A cliche way to deflect having to write about yourself.

 

School Of Hard Knocks

Lives at home with parents, unemployed.

 

Here For Friends Only

Why are you on dating apps then? Do you know what dating means?

 

Knows How To Treat A Lady

I’ve only dated a-holes, please help me out!

 

Where Are All The Real Ladies At?

I haven’t found any on Grindr after all these years.

 

Where Are All The Good Guys At?

I keep ignoring red flags in guys. Help.

 

Bonus Points If

I will treat you like a school kid.

 

Try To Keep Up With Me

I get around.

 

Personalized Online Dating Profile Critique

Strategy (App Choice + Timing + First Messages), Photo Critique, Bios + Prompts + Photo Captions, Wardrobe Feedback, Body Language, Smiles & More

About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie Hernandez is a dating consultant & professional photographer based in San Francisco, servicing clients in New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago and beyond as featured in the NYTimes, SFGate, ABC7News, East Bay Express, Salon; contributor to Good Men Project, Plenty Of Fish and Meddle.

In addition to photos, he provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice, date planning, screening profiles, ID'ing red flags, offline techniques for meeting people organically, naturally. 

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