How To ID Narcissists Online Dating, Covert Narcissist Dating Apps, How To Spot A Narcissist While Dating, Do Narcissists Go On Dating Sites, Am I A Narcissist
If you spend enough time on dating apps, you will encounter a range of profiles, photos, writing, messaging and behavior that might make you question if you are using the right dating apps. Dating apps are (in theory) used to meet people with an underlying romantic interest but there are a host of reasons why people join apps these days.
Modern dating culture has penetrated dating apps like no other – it’s not just for geeks, introverts, losers and shut-ins. Celebrities use dating apps with regular frequency. There are even dating apps with waitlists that rate your marketability, including looks, wealth, influence and more when evaluating applications to get in.
I have talked in great detail about scammers as well as bots/fake accounts on dating profiles but this time around, I am here to discuss an equally disturbing type of user on dating apps and that is the narcissist.
Related read: He Is Just Not That Into You
What Is A Narcissist? What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Narcissism (short for narcissistic personality disorder) is a mental health condition. Most people think it’s just something people experience and is normal and harmless. It’s often an “underdiagnosed psychiatric condition in which there is minimal research to support a validated treatment regimen.” (per the National Health Institute).
Some traits of narcissism include an inflated sense of power, looks, success or self-importance. The manners in which its recommended to deal with narcissists can be challenging given targets lack the qualities needed to combat such behavior as speaking up for oneself, building self-esteem and setting boundaries.
Related read: Automatic Red Flags
Do Narcissists Use Dating Apps? Why Are There So Many Narcissists On Dating Apps? Narcissism And Modern Dating, Are Dating Apps Full Of Narcissists
Dating apps make it easy for people to get attention. Dating apps allow users to present themselves not only to most single people in their area but thanks to premium features, they can broadcast themselves to the country or the world rather easily. There is lots of anonymity on dating apps that rarely leads to consequences.
They have a captive audience of single people that are hungry to meet others. Often times these people can be lonely, depressed, or just fatigued with dating and will lower their standards dramatically and take what they can get. It’s not that hard to get people to give you attention on dating apps.
Dating sites actually make it easier to target vulnerable audiences by allowing them to change their location and by not putting caps on swipes or matches. Ambiguous apps like Tinder contain taglines like this: Tinder; Dating, Make Friends & Meet New People. Sure, Tinder is moving away from allowing people to put their IG handle on dating app profiles but the damage is done, the tone has been set.
Related read: Decoding Dating Profiles
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How To Spot Narcissists On Dating Apps, How To Spot A Narcissist Online Dating; Signs Of Narcissism, How To Spot Narcissists On Dating Sites, Online Dating Red Flags Narcissist
There are a number of ways to figure out if someone might be a narcissist on dating apps, but lots of the signs may not be evident on the profile itself but rather messages, social media profiles, date ideas or in person interactions. Below are some tips on how to identify possible signs of narcissism.
Please note, these are possible indications and not absolute signs of narcissism. Like with everything in life, context matters and ability to read people is necessary.
Related read: Online Dating Red Flags
Narcissistic, Self-Absorbed Time Waster Phrases, Narcissist Signs, Narcissistic Dating Profiles, Narcissistic Dating Bios, Narcissists On Bumble, How To Spot A Narcissist On Tinder
-I can’t see likes on here
-Empty / low-effort bio with Instagram handle posted
-Swipe left if:
-Superlike / superswipe or send a rose to get my attention
-Be real, be genuine
-I know my worth, I am a high value man/woman
-I’m a nice guy, I’m a kind guy
-Need someone to keep up with me
-Don’t waste my time
-Inflated job title
-If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best
-I am a sexy woman, I am a confident man
-Will probably like your dog more than you
-Looking to level up, not settle down (nothing wrong with wanting this in your life but use good judgment and learn to read people rather than asking people to out themselves; shows that you lack ability to make good decisions).
-Instagram/Snapchat profile on dating bio
Some of these phrases are also popular with those who are jaded, bitter or possibly suffering from other conditions like depression, loneliness, If you don’t agree with some of these phrases, I can understand but these are possible signs and should be taken with a grain of salt.
Related read: Manipulation Tactics While Dating, In A Relationship
Bikini Photos On Dating Apps, Bikini Photos On Bumble, Bikini Pics On Tinder, Should You Put Bikini Pics On Hinge? Gym Photos On Dating Profiles, Work Out Photos On Dating Profile
There is nothing wrong with beach photos or bikini photos in natural environments, poses and situations but most often, these photos are vary narcissistic in nature.
If done well, there is nothing wrong with using such photos but I estimate 80% of bikini photos and shirtless photos are either narcissistic or rather tacky/cringy. The same can be said of shirtless photos by men.
If you are fit, you don’t need to take off your shirt or wear a bikini. Regular clothing, form fitting tops are more than plenty to convey fitness. If you are in a hot tub having drinks, smiling and having fun, that is a normal pose/situation.
If you are posing outside the hot tub, looking away, wearing glasses or not doing anything other than posing for a photo, that can be viewed as narcissistic.
Related read: What Do Your Dating Profile Photos Signal?
Natural, Organic Dating Photos
Avoid stiff, portrait-like images that feel forced, and obviously professional. My photos rely more on location scouting, natural environments/poses - like a friend took them.
I take photos on my camera or phone in a discreet manner. We will go to bars, cafes, hiking trails, rooftops, parks, restaurants, galas or your own home.
Narcissistic Signs On First Dates, Narcissist Red Flags On First Dates, Covert Narcissist First Date
-Doesn’t commit to plans
-Shows up late
-Pretends or knows lots of people but relationships seem fake
-Picks shallow places to go on dates (trendy spots i.e. Vandal NYC, most instagrammable places list on Infatuation/influencer post)
-Wants to be seen
-Makes you pay for first date
-More concerned with posting photos on social media, asks you to take a photo of them for social media
-Wants to sit in high traffic areas of bar/restaurant
-Tells you they have lots of admirers
-Talks badly to staff members
-Too much makeup, too much gel in hair, can’t get clothes wrinkled
-Doesn’t ask you questions
-Looks at her phone/watch often
Related read: Online Dating First Dates
Narcissist Traits Male, Narcissistic Traits Female, Signs Of A Female Narcissist, Signs Of A Male Narcissist – Am I A Narcissist?
-Lots of Instagram followers (anything over 2k for sure)
-Public Instagram profile
-Lots of selfies on Instagram
-Updates Facebook profile photo way too often
-Can’t wait to check comments on photos posted to see what people say
-Looks in the mirror too long/often
-Always busy, always working on something important
-Makes it seem like things will fall apart without them
-Bosses people around
-Doesn’t have many friends
-Always has the need to be at social events and lacks substance
-In/out of relationships often, easily
-Send you lots of photos of themselves (to seek compliments)
-Uses people, lacks empathy
-Wears designer labels often (not the subtle ones, the loud tacky ones)
-Talks loudly, unable to express doubt or uncertainty
-Talks too much (diarrhea of the mouth)
-Uses a lot of makeup, takes too much time to get ready, uses lots of bronzer
-Overly sexual/provocative demeanor
-Surrounds themselves with cheerleaders/yes people only
-Makes everyone miserable if things don’t go their way
-Everything is always about them
Pro-tip: If their profile is public, get a good-looking friend to request to follow them on IG so you can see what kind of photos they have.
Narcissistic Poses On Dating Apps, Narcissistic Poses On Dating Profiles (Bumble, Tinder, Hinge), Narcissist Traits Female, How To Avoid Narcissists On Dating Apps
You can’t avoid narcissists on dating apps completely but you can avoid liking them and matching with them quite a bit if you know what to look for. These are possible signs on dating apps not having one or more of these doesn’t always mean you are a narcissist. Context matter as does tone, body language, facial expressions, number of photos, bios, prompts etc.
-Two hand selfies
-Posing on the beach
-Looking away in photos (can also be a sign of insecurity i.e. not happy with their face)
-Lots of sunglasses
-Blurred background (taken with a dslr, took to long to pose)
-Photos look like stock images
-Always the center of attention
-Filtered photos, photoshopped photos, softened skin (aka perfect photos)
Ultimate narcissist photo: clutching phone with two hands, using a duckface, turning away, wearing sunglasses, taking photos in a mundane place i.e. not traveling i.e. hallway, bed, elevator, bathroom etc.
Related read: Worst Dating Profile Photos
Do Narcissists Have Low Self-Esteem? Ego Boost Dating Apps, Seeking Validation On Dating Apps, Using Dating Apps To Get Instagram Followers
You bet! That’s why they love dating apps. They care deeply about what others think of them and have an endless pool of suitors to fill that empty void in their life.
Do Narcissists Like Narcissists? Do Narcissists Attract Other Narcissists? What Kind Of Person Dates A Narcissist? Do Narcissists Have Low Self-Esteem
They do quite a bit, but they attract different types of narcissists. Typically, those that have/crave power & money attract those that have an inflated sense of their looks/desire and vice versa. It’s why athletes attract models and vice versa. It’s why Nick Cannon does what he does.
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-As seen in the NYT, Bumble & More-
Percentage of Narcissists On Dating Apps, Dating Sites With The Most Narcissists
It will vary by app but most are on Tinder and Bumble, some on Hinge but expect somewhere around 15-30% depending on the app, location, demographics or gender.
How To Avoid Narcissists On Dating Apps
Read this article! Learn to spot red flags.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs. Histrionic Personality Disorder
A person histrionic personality disorder needs attention, compliments etc. to feel wanted, complete. They feel worthless otherwise, and can experience self-doubt otherwise.
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He has insight into algorithms as well as a keen understanding of dating cultures across locations, demographics, and orientations.
He helps with profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & where to meet singles. Whether you are a POC, short guy, introvert, engineer, or just struggling with dating, he can help you be efficient & strategic.
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