Signs He’s Not Into You: He’s Just Not That Into You Rules, Exceptions, Over Text; Is He Interested In Me, Low Effort Men

It’s very tempting to jump into the deep end and immerse yourself with dating apps or dating in general. It’s easy to focus on superficial items like looks, height, education and career and go with the flow, but one shouldn’t assume a guy is on the same page as you or that he will change.

Failing to qualify a guy beyond the resume-type characteristics is something that happens too often in relationships. Ignoring red flags is a sure way to keep low-effort people from sticking around. 

Below are tips on how you can learn to be more efficient in your dating approaches, know what to do when he doesn’t reply and tips around messaging and etiquette guides around likes, matches, low-effort messages and delayed responses on the apps. 

Related Read: Online Dating Green Flags

He’s Not That Into You: Signs He Is Not Interested In You

The items below are not meant to serve as a checklist but rather a constant reminder to check in and see if your needs are being met. Some people are ok with low-effort, infrequent communication and lack of availability – everyone is different but that doesn’t mean you should put up with it.

Things change over time and people change too with life decisions, major crossroads at work, life or through the years (holidays, family, financial stability, jobs etc.). There is a big difference between being interested in someone (just for sex) and being invested in someone and wanting a relationship – don’t blur those lines.

Here are some signs he’s not that into you.

Related read: Worst Bumble Intro Lines For Women


Why Do Guys Match And Not Message, He Looks At My Profile But Doesn’t Contact Me

Some guys swipe on everyone or only focus on matches they are most interested in – simple as that. This happens more often on Bumble given guys can’t send a first message on the app to stand out like with Hinge and also because not all women message their matches.

Some guys swipe right on girls they are not interested in dating but maybe hooking up with. Don’t assume anything. Don’t put your life on hold for strangers. Make the first move or move on.

Related read: Why Men Need To Stop Liking Only And Start Messaging


How To Navigate The Dating World Successfully, Online Dating Tips & Advice For Women

A number of women are fine taking things as they are, enjoying the honeymoon stages of dating, but are a bit hesitant to ask the tough questions or confront a partner about difficult conversations that could jeopardize relationships.

While it’s great when relationships happen organically and two people are in sync, it rarely happens this easily and sometime involves more work than what your friends tend to suggest. 

There is no perfect formula nor fool-proof method to determine if a relationship will work or if the guy is as genuine as he implies or suggests he is, but there are some ways you can start to determine if things are heading down the right path.

Being a passenger in your life can sometimes mean going in a direction you are not happy with or stalling indefinitely with no destination in sight.

Related read: tips for being successful w/ dating apps


One-Sided Conversations, Doesn’t Match Responsiveness, Doesn’t Initiate Messages

The classic excuse a guy gives for not wanting to text or call is that he doesn’t like doing so and would rather meet in person. That is fine but use that as a possible red flag while dating. Texting is not about being crafty or witty as it is being timely, thoughtful, honest and candid.

Only messaging when it’s a reply to something you started or failing to ask questions that aim to know you better are signs he is looking for something more superficial or is just lazy.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Most guys talk to more than one girl at a time, so should women. Don’t chase guys that don’t make an effort to prioritize you. It’s your job to seduce as it is his job to chase if you believe in those social norms.

Similarly, if you fail to make the first move, you are subjecting yourself to being a passenger in your life. Guys like women who take the lead sometimes but be careful not to do it all the time.

Related read: Online Dating Expectations: How To Navigate Dating Apps


Bumble No Response, Bumble Guy Doesn't Reply


Guy Stopped Messaging On Bumble? Why Do Guys Stop Texting On Hinge?

If you are on the app long enough, you will encounter instances where guys simply stop messaging or unmatch.

This could be for several reasons including: they don’t think you are eager to meet up, don’t think you are looking for something casual possibly, they met someone else, they were in town and left, or they thought you are only interested in being chat buddies.

Matches mean nothing! The idea is to get off apps sooner than later and go on dates. In most cases, people assume that to be a few days or few weeks at max.

Related read: Ghosting Etiquette


Why Do Guys Stop Talking To You On Apps And Then Start Again; Signs He’s Not The One

It’s called hot and cold (manipulation tactic). Could also be lazy. The more important question is why do you care about these guys that waste your time? Focus on those that don’t stop talking to you.


Ambivalence, Indecisiveness, Goes With The Flow: Subtle Signs He Is Not Into You

Some guys are just drifters in life. They don’t have drive, don’t care for much about date ideas, what to do on the weekend, can’t make up their mind about what to order. There is nothing wrong with that but if that is a sticking point for you, learn to identify this behavior early on.

It’s ok to be open to ideas but one should be enthusiastic about experiencing something new with you rather than always letting you take the lead for dates, plans.

Related read: Why Am I Still Single?


Signs He’s Not Interested After First Date, He Updated His Dating Profile After Our Date

If a guy is interested after a first date, he will do all the things that are necessary to make it know he had fun, is interested in you and wants to see you again. Sign’s he’s not interested after a first date include radio silence, not asking you for a second date, not making specific 2nd date plans, saying he will get back to you when he is free, saying we should do this again or some other vague line.

I don’t want to list out all the things and make it very obvious to guys to pretend/fake their way through this part of the dating process so I break these down for clients one on one to make sure they are coming off authentically but also make it easier for women to fall less for false positives.

If he updates his profile after your date – who cares? You are not exclusive. You can’t expect someone to put their profile/dating life on hold for a first date. Similarly, you should not put your life/dating on hold for a first date either. Stop overly investing yourself in a stranger/first date. Date others. If you don’t want him dating others, make it know you want to move things along.

Related read: Ghosting On Dating Apps


Signs He’s Just Not That Into You: Low Effort Guys

If he continually makes plans last minute or is unable to plan dates with you in advance, take note. You shouldn’t put your life on hold for someone you just started dating. Yes, you should try to make an effort for someone you like but don’t always be so open, available.

Continue to live your life – make plans with friends, keep up with work connections, exercise, make time for family etc. but don’t put your life on hold waiting to see if/when he is available to hang out with you.

If he is interested, he will make time for you and make it known even if it’s a short date, meeting you at your lunch break or just dropping off something just to see you, he will make the effort if he is interested.

If he throws a fit because you can’t spend the night or you can’t stay out late because of plans the next morning, take note.

Read: Why Am I Not Getting Asked On Second Dates?


Dates Are Superficial, Often Physical, Lack Substance, Depth – Low Effort Dates

Physical touch and sexual compatibility is key in relationships but if most of your dates are more physical in nature rather than substantive, this could be a red flag in a relationship.

Relationships require growth, connections, experiences and time to get to know each other. People learn the most about each other over meals, travel, living together and difficult situations.

If your whole focus is on fun, IG-worthy dates that is perfectly fine but you are depriving yourself of learning more about the guy you are dating and finding out if he is husband material, father material or capable of personal growth.


Keep Parts Of His Life Separate From You, Changes Subject Often; Mysterious Signs 

If you are dating someone who lives far away, travels often for work or is unavailable for large periods of time, take note.

While it might be nice to have space and time for yourself, it could be sighs of red flags while dating. Some guys use distance and busy lifestyles to avoid commitment or hide other parts of their lives from you.

Reluctance to go out on dates in public, meets friends and family, take photos together, post on social media or be vague about life, plans, or people he hangs around with could be a sign of infidelity.

Someone who is unable to be open about how they spend their time or lacks details into their lives can be trying to hide something from you.

Part-time relationships are easy, convenient but often lack room for growth as these are mostly filled with physical, intense moments and lack time and substance to get to know someone intimately.

Related read: Manipulation Tactics By Men


Assuming Too Much Of The Person You Are Dating, Not Wanting The Same Things As You

Just because the person you are dating wants exclusivity right away, took you on a destination vacation early on, is introducing you to friends doesn’t mean they want to settle down, get married or have kids.

These are great signs but one shouldn’t imply much of acts like they that don’t require much consideration. Money or public displays of affection often times don’t require much effort or commitment.

Sometimes it’s the little things like remembering details, coordinating birthday plans with your friends, asking about your family, being willing to spend time with your niece and nephew or willing to give up a day of watching college football to show some effort beyond a quick trip purchase or weekend getaway.

Discussing plans, priorities, aspirations or even simple things like if he is looking to stay in the current location indefinitely or long-term can signal other plans.

Similarly, maybe the person can’t have kids or loves kids but doesn’t want them or is prioritizing a career rather than a relationship or family-planning.

Sometimes signals can be confusing even without any deception, so it’s important to be clear with your intention and plans rather than assume all the early signs point to the same end goal you have in mind.

Related read: Common mistakes women make in online dating


Online Dating Coaching For Men, Women

Help w/ swiping, timing, app choice, messages, filters, deal-breakers, paid features, screening profiles, reading people, ID'ing red flags/liars/time-wasters, date planning, & using dating apps more effectively & efficiently.


Hoping He Will Change, Not Ending Things Soon Enough, Sunk Costs

Investing years of your life in a relationship can take an emotional toll and create feelings of chemistry, intent and compatibility and shared priorities, but time spent is not always a good proxy for future success, or commitment.

Some guys will go with the flow indefinitely or get too comfortable as is in a relationship. Before you know it 2, 5, 10 years will pass and things are exactly as they are when you first started dating. That is fine for some but may not be for you.

Hoping a guy will change because he is deeply in love with you is a bad expectation to have as the two are not always compatible.

It’s quite possible a guy is madly in love with you and does all the right things but merely doesn’t want to get married, nor move in together, nor have kids nor want to progress in any sort of way. There is nothing wrong with that unless the person has stated otherwise or fails to follow up on promises.

The thought of being single again for some women is sometimes less desirable than staying with someone who is wrong for you.

This could be driven by financial dependency (getting use to a lifestyle is above your means on your own) or social dependency (all your friends are from his friends). This could be accidental, unintentional or could be a manipulation tactic with years of crafting.


He’s Only Telling You What You Want To Hear, Love-Bombing On Dating Apps, Sites

Some guys will say anything to a woman to avoid confrontation, let down her guard, or build trust. If you are on a timeline for having a relationship, having a kid or getting married, it’s important to keep on that timeline rather than let things slide.

Yes, it takes two to tango, but unfortunately some guys may not be as urgent as you for progressing in relationships.

It’s not uncommon for goals to be postponed for careers, salary targets or other ever-changing things in life. It’s not so much what happens in life that dictates if relationships will succeed but more so how people respond. Not so much with apologies but with plans, actions and continual preparation to achieve those goals.

A guy’s priorities, interests or objectives can change with certain milestones including first time sleeping together, first time traveling abroad, first time meeting in-laws, meeting friends, discussing long-term plans or getting a promotion or being fired from a job.

Difficult situations and conversations are a good way of getting a good read on someone as opposed to listening to what they want to say on their terms or when you are in a good mood, happy place.

Related read: Look up ‘love-bombing‘ and other related dating terms associated with manipulators.


Worst Bumble Bio, Bad Bumble About Me, Bumble Profile Examples, Bumble Bio Woman, Bumble Profile Female


Why Do I Get Attached To A Guy So Quickly? Reasons For Overly Investing Yourself In A Man 

It can be for a number of reasons, but for some women, it might be that they don’t think they can be happy and when single or that being in a relationship is better than being alone even if it’s not a great relationship.

For others, it can be traced to upbringing and structure in the home i.e. physical or emotional abandonment.

Often times, women get blinded by the resume aspects of a man i.e. job, charm, education, height, looks or people seem to like him etc and pre-qualify men too quickly before they have done anything to earn it.

You are in charge of your own happiness, it doesn’t come from someone else. A balance of emotion and logic is needed to date successfully and evaluate relationships objectively.

Hitting the reset button can be difficult and starting over again being single, moving out, making new friends can be brutal but staying in a toxic, unhealthy relationship is worst.


How To Spot A Good Man On A Dating Site, How To Know If A Guy Is Serious On A Dating Site

It takes time, patience, self-awareness, luck and effort. It starts off with a great profile and signaling the right things (does it suggest you are wife/relationship material or just a fun date). Making the first move is key as great guys are in high demand.

Analyzing photos, communication skills, effort, enthusiasm and etiquette are key. It’s a soft skill many people lack, especially if they are too technical or analytical.

Knowing how to ID red flags is important. Many manipulators are smooth talkers and tell you what you want to hear. You shouldn’t overly invest yourself in strangers, nor pre-qualify guys based on a resume-like profile.

It takes time to learn about someone and know how the behave in various scenarios. You can’t rush this, unfortunately. It’s one of the biggest mistakes women make on dating sites. Dating apps are not ordering apps.


Once A Guys Loses Interest Can You Get Him Back?

Why would you? Have some dignity. Don’t chase people. Focus on those that match your effort, etiquette, enthusiasm, and responsiveness.


He Stopped Talking To Me But Still Likes My Photos On Social Media, Unmatched Me But Following Me On Instagram

Who cares? Liking photos on social media means absolutely nothing. Don’t let him occupy space in your head. Why haven’t you blocked him yet?


What Are You Looking For?

This is rather a thorny question, subject. If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. If the guy doesn’t make it obvious what he wants with effort, plans, patience, focus and authenticity, it’s likely you two are not on the same page.


Is He Interested Or Just Nice? How To Know If A Guy Is Interested After A First Date

Just because someone is nice, doesn’t mean they are romantically interested in you. Some guys can lead women on because they are unaware of their actions or are just being nice.

In some cases, guys will play the field until they get interest from someone or decide to focus on those they are most interested in. Don’t rely on past or initial actions. Sustained levels of effort, and interest are necessary.


Online Dating Advice For Women

Screening Profiles, Why Don't Guys Reply, Low-Effort Messages, Overwhelmed w/ Matches, Signs He's Not Into You, What Your Dating Photos Signal, Coffee Dates, Lying About Age, Biggest Mistakes Women Make


Does He Like Me? Is He Interested Or Is He Just Flirting? Signs He’s Not Into You

Some guys like to flirt. They like the attention. This isn’t unique to men. Some women do it too. Some people like ego boosts or like attention. It could be that he needs a confidence boost. It could be that he is married.

There are endless ways to assess ambiguous actions and words. Best thing you can do is take things slow, don’t pre-qualify guys before they have earned anything.

There is a fine line between being interested but patient vs wearing your heart on your sleeve. Nothing is wrong with the latter unless you don’t know how to develop thick skin and are unable to brush things off easily.


Signs He Is Not Husband Material, Signs He’s No Longer Interested In You

Does he prioritize you? Does he follow through with his words with sustained actions? Has he met your family? Has he introduced you to his friends and family? Have you traveled together? Did he ask about being exclusive? These might all be signs he is no longer interested in you.

Is he hiding you from his friends? Does he accept who you are and does he inspire you to be a better person? Can you trust him? Do you share the same values? Do you want the same things in life? i.e. kids, living arrangements, marriage? Is he emotional available and matures?

There are many questions to ask and unfortunately these things take time. You can’t figure this out in a matter of days or weeks. It takes several months, even years possibly (i.e. holidays, spending time away with in-laws, major life decisions, cross-roads).


If He’s Not Interested, Why Does He Text Me?, If He’s Not Interested, Why Does He DM Me? 

Could be bored, could be looking for a hookup only, could be keeping you on the backburner (back up options for other girls). Getting attention is great but not if it is not complimented with effort, enthusiasm, action, prioritization, manners and a desire to get to know you better. Stop trying to figure out time wasters. Focus on those that respect you.


Why Does He Keep Looking At My Online Dating Profile?

Sometimes guys look at profiles to figure out what to say. Other times they are bored, creepy or indecisive.

Does it matter? Focus on effort, intention. If you are concerned, block him.

He is not contacting you. Move along already. Don’t be insecure. If you want attention, go on Instagram. These apps are for dating intentions. If people like you, they will make it known.

Why do you waste your time trying to figure out these time-wasters? That is the question you should be asking yourself.


No Replies On Bumble, No Responses On Bumble

As I mentioned before, matches mean nothing. Some guys swipe right on everyone. Some swipe right more on Bumble because they are playing the odds for efficiency. Others swipe right more because they know not all women (matches) message them.

It’s a bad situation all around so best not to get too excited over a meaningless match. Focus on effort, etiquette and responsiveness.

Related read: No likes, no matches on dating apps


Hinge Prompt and Answer, Question, Secret To Getting To Know Me Is, Hinge Profile Example, Hinge Profile Female, Male Hinge Profile


Signs A Woman Is Not That Into You, Signs A Woman Is Not Interested

If you are always the one starting conversations, planning dates or trying to reschedule dates, she is not that into you.

Dating should be a balanced effort. It will never be 50/50, nor will it be balanced all the time but like a see-saw, there should be a convergence where people put in effort to meet each other closer to halfway.

Don’t be too available, set boundaries for days/times, set expectations that need confirmation to secure reservations, tickets.


How Often Do Guys Check Bumble, Hinge, How Often Do Guys Check Dating Apps? 

Most guys check the apps multiple times a day. If they are interested, they will make it known. No one is ever that busy.


Why Do Guys Want To Meet Soon?

Some guys are just thirsty, some are looking for hookups, some don’t want to get to know you and some are lazy. You shouln’t feel pressured to meet sooner than you are comfortable with but keep in mind, there is an intention to meet up eventually within a week or two max on dating apps.


If He Likes Me, Why Is He Still On Dating Apps? Why Do Guys Stay On Dating Apps?

Until you two have had the talk about exclusivity, don’t assume you have it. Even when you do have it, don’t assume either person is honest. Some people lie (not all). Words without sustained effort, actions, prioritization, manners etc means nothing.

Just because he likes you, doesn’t mean he can’t also like the girl on Tinder (even though you met him on Hinge or Bumble and didn’t know he had multiple profiles). Etiquette states that people have a right to date others until you have an understanding that want to become exclusive. Simple as that.


Low Effort Men On Bumble, Lazy Guys On Bumble; Signs Of A Low Effort Guy

Men on Bumble are happy collecting likes, deferring effort to women, and picking the hottest women in the queue. It’s a nice change for many. Don’t overly invest yourself in matches on Bumble. Don’t pre-qualify matches on Bumble.

A match is just a small flick of the finger – in some cases, they may not have looked at your profile or be attracted to you. The threshold for considering a woman for a hook-up is less than that of one they are considering for a LTR. Remember that.

Signs of a low effort guy include:

-never initiating messages

-not planning dates

-not asking you questions


Signs He Will Never Ask You Out, We’ve Been Talking For Months But He Hasn’t Asked Me Out 

If you google this question, he is likely never to ask you out. Why are you putting your life on hold for someone that isn’t interested in you? Similarly, why are you a passenger in your own life? If you want to go out with someone, ask them. If he just randomly checks in with you to see what you are doing or just sends you memes, he is a time waster just seeking a penpal.


Cancelled Date But Still Texting, Is Cancelling A Date A Red Flag? No Reschedulding

This is a common scenario men and women face. Life happens. People are busy. With that said, cancelling a date in of itself is not a red. What is a red flag when canceling a date is when the person doesn’t apologize or when a person doesn’t reschedule the date. Regardless of gender/orientation, rule is: whoever cancels the date should reschedule. Don’t nudge them, don’t prompt them. If they are interested, they will make it up to you.


How To Know If He Is Still Using Bumble?

If you are not sure, he is not for you or you likely have some trust issues. Most guys who lie about not using Bumble likely use a different name, incognito mode and travel mode. If you want to know if he is still using Bumble, ask him. If you don’t want to ask, you already know.

How Do I Make Guys Like Me? How Do You Make A Guy Chase You? How To Make Yourself Attractive To Guys

You must truly like yourself first. Learn to date yourself. Learn to respect yourself. Learn to set (and keep!) boundaries.


How To Know If A Guy Is Using You For Sex, Signs A Guy Is Using You

He doesn’t take you on proper dates. He sexualizes everything. He prefers going to your place or inviting you to his place vs taking you out on public or during the day. These are the ways you can tell a guy is using you for sex or for your body only. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family. He only sees you when it’s convenient for him.


What To Do When A Guy Uses You, What To Say When A Guy Uses You

Leave him, nothing needs to be said. Don’t give a guy an opportunity to lie to you again or use other manipulation tactics. Some guys will take what they can get. Rather than try to get him to stop, best to cut him out of your life completely. Can’t expect guys that use you to change miraculously.


What To Reply When A Guy Says Not Interested

Say thanks for your being upfront and wish him the best. That’s it. No need to go on a rant, ask follow-up questions.


How To Successfully Navigate The Dating World, How To Find A Great Guy

Most women have enough good photos but fail to use their best photos or use photos that are too polished, filtered, photoshopped or fail to convey vulnerability. In addition to poor photo choices, lazy profiles, bios and introductory lines are a common theme I see as well.

The other biggest hurdle I see is a failure to screen profiles effectively, read people, be selective, not overly invest oneself to quickly and ID red flags and manipulative traits in guys.

In my coaching services, I work with women to unlock these and other roadblocks that get in the way of meeting quality people, being ready to be open and vulnerable and knowing how to ID red flags and cut things off more quickly.

Don’t rely on biased feedback and advice from friends who look different than you and have different lifestlyes and preferences than you. Contact me today for a consultation.

Dating Coach Services

Photos, Profile Reviews, Image Consulting, Date Ideas, Meeting Singles Offline, Social Skills, Screening Profiles, Reading People & More. Clients: Women, Men, Gay & Straight Individuals Seeking Relationships

About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He helps w/ profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & offline efforts.