What Do Guys Think Of Bumble? Types Of Guys On Bumble, Is Bumble Good For Relationships? Is It A Hookup App? Why Guys Don’t Respond To Your Messages On Bumble
Bumble has received a great deal of press around and after their IPO and rightfully so. It’s a great feel good story and incredible success story from a female empowerment perspective and business angle.
With that said, anyone who has used the app (regardless of gender) know a lot more about the inner workings, pitfalls, limitations and unintended consequences of the app. I personally think there is a great disservice being done to women but giving them a false sense of security about what to expect of the app and the men on the app. Bumble is a great app with lots of appeal but understanding how it works is important to getting the most out of the app.
Just because a dating app is positioned for relationships doesn’t mean it screens out liars, creeps. This is one of the biggest assumptions women make on Bumble and it can be eye-opening to see matches and dates fade away, lie completely or backtrack on intention.
Bumble Mission Statement: What Is The Purpose Of Bumble?
OUR MISSION IS TO CREATE A WORLD WHERE ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE HEALTHY AND EQUITABLE
Bumble has done a great job conveying that it is a feminist dating app and puts women in control. By allowing women to dictate who can message them, it seems to offer a very welcomed approach to dating apps where women have been known to get bombarded by unwanted messages and photos on other sites and apps.
It further tries to embody these values by going above and beyond competitors by banning shirtless selfies at non-beach locations and banning guns. On the surface, these all seem like great ideas but if you dig down into them, they can be rather misleading and causing more frustration, confusion and pain.
By suggesting the platform is free from creeps and weirdos it creates a false sense of security for women seeking a safe, secure environment.
Bumble Photo Verification: False Sense of Security
Bumble was one of the first dating apps to introduce verified profiles – great, fantastic? Wait, what does that mean? Bumble requires users to verify a pose as a way to eliminate fake profiles. But all it does is verify a user mimics a suggested pose. It’s possible someone else can conduct said pose than the person who created the profile.
With said verification, some women believe the app vouches for men or suggests they are safe to date. This is far from the truth. Bumble does not conduct background checks. They don’t cross-check criminal records. They don’t even promise that guys are as they appear – it’s possible for men to use old photos that don’t look like them today.
It’s not uncommon to arrive at a date only to find out the person you have been chatting with is 20-30lbs heavier and 5-10 years older than their photos. It’s for this reason I suggest video dates to screen people ahead of time but not everyone is comfortable with that.
Bumble Photos Rules: What Pictures Are Not Allowed On Bumble. Shirtless Selfies & More
Bumble has made some headlines with their restrictions on photos allowed on the site. The most notable rule involves everyone’s favorite type of photos: shirtless selfies. Photos taken in the mirror, in bed, in the hallway or other non-beach environment is banned.
This sounds like an obvious choice but it actually can have the opposite effect. Women use such photos to automatically detect guys that are narcissistic, not looking for anything serious or looking to hookup. Removing these types of photos makes it that much harder to ID such obvious automatic left swipes.
The same can be said of gun photos (those were also banned) on Bumble. Guns can be a lifestyle for some and another red flag that Bumble has chosen to hide from women in their attempt to create a ‘better’ dating app.
Women Make The First Move: 24-Hour Window: Anxiety, Intentions & Implications
Unlike other apps, Bumble aims to get things going rather than let matches and conversations die by enacting a 24-hour expiration window upon matching. Women have 24 hours upon matching to send the first message before a match expires. Similarly, men have 24 hours to respond after a first message is sent by a woman before the match expires.
This seems pretty straightforward but again, there are many unintended consequences to unpack. Guys are used to rejection and ghosting that it’s become almost expected on dating apps. Women on the other hand (on average) are not as experienced in sending the first message or making the first move. Feelings of anxiousness or feelings of desperation can run amok for those that are not comfortable making the first move.
As a result, it’s more likely that women will list their Instagram profile on Bumble to avoid having to send the first message. While this is innocent, it can result in users being banned on the site for promoting social media accounts. Similarly, it can convey a sense of narcissism or a sense of seeking validation, attention and social media followers among men resulting in quality guys being turned away and leaving thirsty men to pursue women.
Bumble Incognito Mode: Privacy & Hiding Profiles From Your Spouse, Partner
Bumble recently announced a new feature for their Premium product called Incognito Mode. The way it works is that anyone using Incognito Mode can hide their profile from all users unless they send a like first to said profile. Some people are concerned about showing their profiles to the internet and one way to alleviate this concern is by allowing a great sense of privacy. I believe the intent here was to allow women privacy from exes, stalkers who follow them across apps.
This feature has the potential to do more damage than otherwise intended. Incognito Mode is the perfect feature for men to hide from spouses and wives. They can roam freely, hide from their partner’s friends and use dating apps for casual hookups and dates. Most guys would have to use distant, blurred or dark photos to conceal identity on dating apps for fear of being identified but Bumble has made it easier to hide their identity.
Of course women should use good judgment, be patient and ask questions but given the suggestive nature of Bumble and it’s women first branding, one can’t help but to have doubt about the effects of their efforts. It’s widely known fact that women pay a good amount of money in ARPU (annual revenue per user) over other apps. Unfortunately I wonder if women are aware of the apps limitations and shortcomings.
Bumble’s Unintended Consequences: Why Men Love Bumble
Many men hate Bumble because they are unable to message women directly, rendering chances to get in front of a woman that much harder if they have to rely on their photos and prompts alone rather than their witty opening lines.
However, men know that women can be insecure and they use this to their advantage. One of the most Google’d questions women ask regarding Bumble is:
-Why don’t men reply to messages?
This is one of the classic mistakes women make on dating apps. They assume every guy they match with is interested in them. This is completely false. A number of guys are lazy. Some swipe right on every woman and play the numbers game and then focus on the women that are most eager, enthusiastic to meet them.
Guys in essence can sit back and wait to pick and choose which women they want to exert effort on without the burden of having to come up with the opening line which is often requires the most effort.
Bumble Vs Tinder: Which Is Better? Is Bumble A Hookup App Like Tinder? Is There A Difference?
Dating apps merely introduction apps – they require patience, good judgment, ability to screen profiles, read people, have self-awareness and realistic expectations. Yes, there are more douchebags on Tinder but that doesn’t mean the creeps are easier to filter out on apps like Bumble. Self-sabotage can be a great thing as it can be an efficient way to identify low-value men on dating sites.
On average, Bumble might have more quality men but often times it’s harder to analyze the intention and personality of guys on dating apps because Bumble suggests a level of trust that not all men on their platform are deserving of. Furthermore, just because a guy says he wants a relationship on Bumble doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a hookup profile on Tinder.
Related Reading: Bumble vs. Tinder
No Hookups: Should You Put No Hookups On A Dating Profile? What Does Not Looking For Hookups Mean?
Using this in your profile may cause the opposite effect as men might assume you are incapable of screening profiles or reading people and thus view you as an easy target for hookups.
Similarly, quality men who want a relationship might view you similarly and avoid you for the same reasons but also for sounding dismissive, negative and untrusting of men in general due to poor choice of men in the past. Rather than state what you don’t want, state what you want. Be optimistic but cautious. Your profile should be a balance of who you are, what you have to offer and what you seek.
Is Hinge Better Than Bumble? Hinge vs Bumble
Hinge is often compared to Bumble. They have a strong overlap of users and are two of the most widely used apps for folks 27-45. The main different between the apps are that men can messages women first, Hinge has no bio or about me section and matches don’t expire in 24 hours.
See: Hinge vs Bumble vs Tinder Side By Side Comparison (brutally honest comparison)
Are Guys On Bumble Looking For Relationships? Is Bumble For Dating?
Most are, some are looking to date, some are looking for hookups. It’s up to you to be patient, exercise good judgment, ask questions, screen profiles and read people.
Final Thoughts: Is Bumble For Hookups or Serious Relationships?
Dating apps are merely introduction apps, they are not ordering apps. People are not as they appear despite claims of dating apps. Online dating requires good judgment, self-awareness, realistic expectations and good mental health to allow oneself to have the ability to be in a good position to analyze profiles, read people and know how to ID red flags.
Don’t think dating apps will act in your best interest. No dating apps conduct exhaustive background checks. They make no claim to the reputation of users on their platforms.
Dating Coach Services
First date ideas, wardrobe styling, places to meet singles, where to sit at bars and restaurants, body language, vocal intonation, eye contact, conversation skills, how to flirt over text, how to be more approachable and get people to start conversations with you, mock dates and more.
Additional Reading: Bumble FAQ’s, Review
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a dating consultant & professional photographer based in San Francisco, servicing clients in New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago and beyond as featured in the NYTimes, SFGate, ABC7News, East Bay Express, Salon; contributor to Good Men Project, Plenty Of Fish and Meddle.
In addition to photos, he provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice, date planning, screening profiles, ID'ing red flags, offline techniques for meeting people organically, naturally.
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