What Are Men, Women Looking For On Dating Apps (Validation, Attention, Friends?);

How To Answer What Are You Looking For Dating, 

When it comes to dating apps, most people make the mistake and assume everyone is on there for the same reasons as they are, which is to date with the intention of finding a relationship. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

There are a number of reasons why people use dating apps, and unfortunately dating apps themselves muddy the waters by marketing the app beyond just dating. 

Even if you come to the apps with the best of intentions, those motivations can quickly change as the weight of negativity, hopelessness, bad behavior and poor etiquette can alter people’s intentions over time.

Below are some reasons why people use dating apps and what you can do to protect yourself, protect your wallet, protect your time and protect your mental health.

Related read: Dating Apps & Mental Health


Is Online Dating Easier Than In Person? Are Dating Apps Easier Than Offline? 

Dating apps are merely introduction tools, they allow you to meet more people in a shorter period of time, but those interactions or connections can be artificial or false flags. Dating apps allow users to expand their dating pool beyond people in their day-to-day lives, hangouts, social circles, routines and neighborhoods.

Too many people make the mistake thinking dating apps are easier to meet people that out in the wild – it’s not. In fact, it can be harder. Dating apps have a low barrier to entry meaning the number of people who create a profile or send a like to someone is less than the number of people who approach others offline, in-person.

More effort is needed to dress up, shave, muster up the courage to speak to someone and be yourself in person than to move your finger one inch on your screen (which you can do on the toilet, in a zoom meeting or while your date is in the bathroom). 

Related read: Harsh Reality Of Dating Apps


What Percentage Of People Use Dating Apps? Is Online Dating How Everyone Meets Now? 

Estimates vary, but I would say about 70% of men and 40% of women use dating apps (those between the ages of 25-55). But note that within those figures, most women will take more breaks, longer breaks and men will use more apps, spend more time on apps, send more likes than women. The resulting effect is that men on any app can outnumber women 2 to 4 to 1 or more.

Most studies show 40-50% of people now meet on dating apps making it the most popular method of meeting people but by no means is it the only method or the best method. I recommend clients to never rely on dating apps for all or even most of their dating efforts.


Bad Bumble Profile Prompt Answers, Bumble Bio Woman, Bumble Profile Female

Using Dating Apps To Make Friends, Using Bumble To Meet Friends, PenPals On Dating Apps

Yes, it happens. Some people (mostly women) use dating apps to make friends. You can see this in their profile, i.e. friends first. If you look at Tinder, these women are not doing anything wrong here. Tinder’s tagline is: :Tinder | Dating, Make Friends & Meet New People.”. Yes, Tinder is an introduction app with no explicit focus on reasons to meet people. People use apps like Tinder for a variety of reasons so assume nothing/everything.

Apps like Bumble have carved out a special section of their app just for friends called Bumble BFF as to keep the dating part of the app focused on romantic interests (not pen pals). 


Friends First Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, Friends First Meaning On Dating App Profile

One common phrase you might see on dating apps is ‘friends first’. This implies that the user is looking to take things really slow. That is fine and dandy but it suggests that the person is unable to use good judgment when dating and gets burned too quickly. It’s possible to date and evaluate people as you go along rather than put up this barrier with people viewing it as “challenge accepted.”

Using Dating Apps While Traveling, Using Dating Apps To Find Tour Guides, 

Some people use dating app exclusively while traveling, whether to find hookups or tour guides. Some use it to cheat on their spouses. Learn more about Travel Mode here.

Online Dating Advice For Women

Screening Profiles, Why Don't Guys Reply, Low-Effort Messages, Overwhelmed w/ Matches, Signs He's Not Into You, What Your Dating Photos Signal, Coffee Dates, Lying About Age, Biggest Mistakes Women Make

Why Do Women Go On Dating Sites? What Are Women Looking For On Dating Apps? 

According to YouGov,

Women on dating apps/websites are more likely than men to:

-say they’re there to see what the app is like (28% of women vs 18% of men),

-boost their self-esteem (23% vs 14%) or

-find someone for a friend (22% vs 14%)


Why Don’t People Use Dating Apps?

It can vary but most common reasons are location, options on dating apps, overwhelming options, mental health, low effort people, liars, privacy etc.


Worst Bumble Bio, Bad Bumble About Me, Bumble Profile Examples, Bumble Bio Woman, Bumble Profile Female

Why Do Men Use Dating Apps? What Are Guys On Dating Sites Looking For?

It will vary, but it can be to cheat on a partner, hookup , find friends, find a therapist, scam others, boredom, see what’s out there, test the dating waters, find a tour guide or quite possibly to meet someone to date with the intention of seeking a relationship. Despite what dating apps claim, they don’t screen profiles or do background checks.

Why Are There So Many Single Guys On Dating Apps? 

It will vary, but it can be to cheat on a partner, hookup , find friends, find a therapist, scam others, boredom, see what’s out there, test the dating waters, find a tour guide or quite possibly to meet someone to date with the intention of seeking a relationship.

Generally, apps have around 2:1 to 4:1 (or higher) gender ratio of men to women. Women are more likely to be hit on offline and fewer men are likely to approach women offline than they would on apps. Guys are becoming more socially awkward, shy and motivated than ever before.

Blame apps, video games, social skills, mental health, lack of self-care, societal norms, professions or lack of confidence.


Worst Bumble Bio, Bad Bumble About Me, Bumble Profile Examples

Using Dating Apps For Free Meals, Using Dating Apps For Free Food, Dinners

Yes, some people use dating apps for free meals. It happens. There are enough men out there willing to indulge women out there – blame your fellow brethren rather than women. 

Funny Female Dating Profile Examples

Using Dating Apps For Validation, Get IG Followers; Using Dating Apps For Attention

It’s pretty common to see Instagram handles on Bumble profiles. It’s not recommended as it can signal that you are looking for attention, IG followers, validation or attention. 

Related read: How To Spot Narcissists On Dating Apps

Worst Bumble Bio, Bad Bumble About Me, Bumble Profile Examples, Bumble Bio Woman, Bumble Profile Female

Why Do Guys On Dating Sites When In A Relationship? Married?

Dating apps don’t require you to be single. Similarly, it’s not illegal to date when married or in a relationship. Some guys use dating apps to cheat on their partner/spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. Others use dating sites when they are in open relationships. See ENM relationships. These relationships are more frequent in larger cities and range in terms of knowledge and awareness by said partners.

How To Answer What Are You Looking For On Dating Apps (Hinge, Bumble)

Be honest. Say what you are looking for. Don’t lie, Don’t be coy. Don’t try to be funny or smooth. Be vulnerable – state what you want. I am not advocating you use any of these lines (some seem too transactional – lacking insight into person, qualities, attributes etc).

-I am looking for a husband

-I am looking for someone to share a family with

-I am looking for a dad for my doggo

-I am casually looking for something serious

-I am looking for something to share their Netflix account with me

-I am looking for someone to share their martini olives with me

-I am looking for a tour guide, I am looking for someone to show me around town

-I am not looking for anything serious

-I am looking for a date to a wedding this summer


Why Are You On A Dating App? What Brings You To This Dating App? Online Dating Intentions

This is a common question people ask. It can be a manipulation tactic to get you to justify your worth to someone, it could be an innocent question or it could be that someone google’d questions to ask. Assume nothing, everything.


Bumble Dating Profile Example, Bumble Bio Male, Female, Open Relationship Example

Why Do People Go On Dating Apps, Reasons People Use Dating Sites? 

If you go to a bar and meet a guy by himself, what might be the reasons he is there? He might be hungry, he might need a drink to decompress, he might be looking to be alone with his thoughts, he might be looking to make friends, he might be there to find a hookup, he might be there to cheat on his partner, he might be looking for a third wheel in their open-relationship or he might be there because he likes the ambiance and doesn’t want to be alone.

Some people use dating apps to see what the potential dating pool is like in a different market (i.e. decide if they should move out there). Some people are just lonely and are looking for a penpal.

There are many reasons why he might be there instead of looking to meet a woman to date. Just like you would not assume anything from a stranger in a public place, you should not assume anything from a person who spent 5 minutes to create a profile and 30 seconds max to swipe on your profile and send a message to you.


Do People Actually Find Relationships On Dating Apps? 

Of course, dating apps are one of the top ways people in relationships meet. With that said, they are not that much better than meeting people offline. These are not ordering apps, these are merely introduction apps and it’s as much skill as it is luck (if not more).

All the people who find relationships on apps leave the app quickly so you have leftovers of people who lack self-awareness, don’t know what they want, sabotage their profiles, have difficulty communicating, have bad lifestyle choices or are aiming outside their league.


Is it Difficult To Find Love On Dating Apps? Dating Apps Yes or No?

It’s much easier to create a lame profile than it is to approach someone offline – take that with a grain of salt. With that said, apps may or may not be the better choice for you depending on your writing skills, photos, location, etc. People are generally more selective on apps than they are in person.

It’s not a matter whether you should use apps or not but rather, do you use them sparingly to supplement meeting people offline. Are you working on yourself? Are you actively making efforts to market yourself to the people you want to attract?

Never abandon meeting people offline – you need those communication and social skills once you match and plan dates. 


What Dating Apps Do People Use Now? What Dating Sites Are Popular Now?

Read this guide. There are about 8 or so dating sites that dominate usage and they will vary by location, age, gender, orientation, intentions and more.


Using Dating Apps In A Relationship, Using Dating Sites While Married

Some people use dating apps when in open relationships or to cheat. Dating apps have facilitated this thanks to hiding profile, changing location etc.


Online Dating Coaching For Men, Women

Help w/ swiping, timing, app choice, messages, filters, deal-breakers, paid features, screening profiles, reading people, ID'ing red flags/liars/time-wasters, date planning, & using dating apps more effectively & efficiently.

About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He helps w/ profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & offline efforts.