How To Keep The Conversation Going On Hinge, Bumble: Texting Tips, Questions To Ask On Bumble, Hinge. How To Respond, When To Reply, What To Say, Dating Topics
Although many folks struggle with app choice, photos, bio, prompts, likes, matches and first messages, it’s not uncommon to never make it past exchanging a few lines with matches. Matches mean nothing on dating apps as not all matches send messages nor respond to others.
The novelty of a new match and person to talk to can quickly dwindle. Repeat conversations can feel like Groundhog’s Day. One can only answer how a day or weekend is going before wanting to rip out eyeballs with mundane, boring generic opening lines on dating sites.
Given the number of options people have on dating apps, any cliche, boring messages can quickly lead to you being unmatched or ghosted before you know it.
What you say on dating apps, what you put on your profile and your ability to screen profiles and read people is key to unmatch time-wasters quickly and focus on those that match your effort, etiquette, responsiveness and enthusiasm.
Below are some tips on what to talk about on dating apps, how to transition conversations and topics to focus on and avoid, whether you should try to move the conversation to texting or Whatsapp and how to get more first dates.
Pro-Tip: Worst Opening Lines On Dating Apps
How To Start A Conversation On A Dating App, First Messages On Dating Site Tips, What To Talk About Online Dating
It’s quite a feat to get dating app opening line down to start exchanging some meaningful banter, connections and experiences with your matches on dating apps.
Below are some tips on how to talk on dating apps, continue conversations, transition to date planning and avoid getting unmatched or ghosted prematurely
Related Read: Boring, Generic, Cliche Phrases To Avoid On Dating App Profiles
How Do You Keep A Conversation Going Over Text, What To Say, Questions To Ask, Questions To Ask Hinge Match, Questions To Ask Bumble Match
Now more than ever, it’s tough to keep conversations going long enough before they fizzle out or before a date is scheduled.
Nervousness about safety, lack of open places open, crowded trails, streets and parks make it challenging for people to plan dates. Isolation along with job-security can wreak havoc on one’s mental health.
Here are some tips to consider not only when matching and after sending the first messages but more so how to prepare ahead of time.
Being good at texting on dating apps and carrying conversation starts before opening the keyboard. It requires you to have enough interests, life experience, hobbies, passions, ambitions, to draw from.
The more you stay inside, the harder it is to have things to reference, quickly respond to and create banter.
Sure, tv, movies and podcasts help with conversation topics but being current with local and world events, going outdoors in nature and urban walks, having different social circles, trying new local establishments, traveling and exploring (even if locally i.e. new neighborhoods, nearby towns, hiking trails, paths) all help to draw talking points from quickly and easily when you get that match.
Having an opinion matters, even if you are wrong. No one wants someone who is ambivalent, indecisive, takes too long to reply to or doesn’t get references.
Related read: Questions To Ask Him, Her On Dating Apps
Dating Profile Critique For Men & Women: Dating Profile Review (Hinge, Bumble)
App Choice, Photo Order, Photo Critique, Bios + Prompts + Photo Captions, Wardrobe Feedback, Grooming Suggestions, Clothing & Hairstyle Recommendations, Body Language, Smiles, Facial Expressions, Hobbies, Interests, Lifestyle Choices, Etiquette & More For Men & Women.
-As seen in the NYT, WSJ, AskMen, Women's Health & More
Being Physically, Emotionally Ready For Dating Apps
One of the common mistakes people make is joining dating apps before they are ready. It’s one thing to be emotionally ready from a relationship that ended or being in the right state of mind, but it’s another thing to be socially ready.
Even if both individuals are interested in each other, there is no certainty around what intent means to each person. Dating apps are more like introduction apps – the purpose is to get introduced, spend time getting to know each other and decide if both parties want to meet up.
Nowadays, there are many lonely people looking for penpals, people who are taking their time to get to others and of course those that don’t know what they want. Uncertainty and indecisiveness can kill the momentum and raise doubts about sincerity, effort and enthusiasm.
Related read: Are you ready to date?
Communication Skills, Social Skills On Dating Sites, Online Dating Chats, What To Say To Bumble, Hinge Match – Online Dating How To Keep The Conversation Going
Being a good conversationalist requires skills. Often it’s not something one can just wing. A good communicator is one who has a lot to draw from in life, often in terms of experiences such as travel, work, education, hobbies, interests, friends, family, classes and more.
The less one has to draw from the more difficult it is to come prepared to engage in quality conversation. The most interesting people are those that have versatile backgrounds, are a bit of an odd-ball, have varied interests and those that are charming, enthusiastic and convey a healthy dose of energy.
Without energy, effort and enthusiasm, it’s hard to keep conversations going. It’s hard to be excited about someone who doesn’t show and match the same level of these qualities that you possess. Boring, cliche conversation starters get repetitive, especially during covid.
Treating conversations like interviews feel like an extension of Zoom job interviews. Too many people try to play it cool with simple, straight-forward questions and topics but the best conversations are ones that allow both parties to geek-out, be a bit vulnerable and keep the other hooked.
Fear of being one’s true self is an easy way to kill a conversation quickly. Even if a convo dies within a few messages, at least time is saved and both people can move on. There is nothing wrong with letting a conversation die if one or both parties are not interested.
Related read: Things You Can Say That Will Get You Unmatched Instantly
Conversation Starters, Topics For Conversations, Questions To Ask To Keep The Conversation Going, What To Ask Hinge, Bumble Match
Great conversations involve connections, shared experiences, agreement / disagreement (banter) and/or learning something new. In order to teach someone something new, one has to have the arsenal to be in a position to teach.
Being an expert in a variety of fields is a great way to do this. Having strong passions and interests across a slew of areas shows dimension, intrigue and uniqueness.
If someone lacks experience with hobbies, interests, social context, culture, arts or awareness and interest about the world around them, dating apps will be brutal and I generally recommend these people get off apps until they come ready to engage, learn, fail, explore and teach.
Dating requires give and take and too often people join apps to fill a void, feel better about themselves, or merely see what’s out there.
How To Chat On Dating Apps, How To Talk On Dating Apps – How To Avoid Small Talk On Dating Apps
Avoid cliche topics or sounding like an interview. Asking a question that has likely been asked hundreds of times is enough for a woman to unmatch rather quickly.
Such questions include how is your quarantine going? How is your day? How is your week? How is your morning? These are not bad questions, but they are not great especially if you hardly know someone, and they are talking to other people and hearing the same lines over and over again.
Look at backgrounds and details in photos. Don’t choose the most obvious photo or prompt to comment on. Ask open-ended questions that are relevant to the moment rather than networking type questions or questions that are too random or private.
If there is not enough context in the photo but you are familiar with the location, you can inquire about something related to the location – did you go to xyz? what did you think of abc?
Related read: What do your dating profile photos signal?
Matching Energy, Enthusiasm, Responsiveness & Etiquette, Cutting Off Time Wasters On Dating Sites
Don’t waste time or other people’s time on dating apps. Be prepared to give of yourself including time, effort, energy, and vulnerability. A life filled with hobbies, interests and friends will help immensely with one’s dating life.
Showing up with nothing to offer is a recipe for despair, fatigue and general miserableness on dating apps. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, talk to a few people at once and then focus on those you are most interested and want to meet.
Be curious. Ask questions. Provide thoughtful answers. Forget about being cool or polished or proper. It’s ok to be clutz sometimes. It’s normal to make mistakes. It’s fine to be nervous. Online dating (like all things in life) takes practice.
Not everyone will be worth your time and that’s ok – that’s why it’s called dating and not arranged marriage.
Dating is meant to discover others, what you like, what you cannot stand and what you are attracted to. Dating should be viewed more so like a learning experience rather than an ordering app.
One-worded answers, never being the first to kick off conversations and taking too long to reply are queues one is not interested or at least not worth the time. Focus on those that match your energy. If you don’t have many options to be picky, take a break from dating apps and improve your profile (photos, app choice, hobbies, bio etc.).
Don’t make excuses in your head for others particularly if they never ask. People who are genuine, thoughtful will let you know if they are busy or when they will be free. They will reschedule dates if they cancel on you. Don’t be the one doing all the work. Dating requires give and take.
It’s important to get off the apps asap and not let conversations go on indefinitely, as they can quickly fade. One should not match with others if he/she is unable to meet in person within a week or two.
When requesting a date, do your research. Find fun places for a date, research alternatives (just in case), consider the weather and location given your date’s location.
Show some effort. Be excited. Don’t expect others to be more excited than you and what you convey through your messaging. Be specific with dates, times and activities. Vague questions get vague answers.
Broaden Your Interests, Surroundings, Life Experience (Dating Topics)
Being familiar with an area, going to places alone or with friends ahead of time, being curious, developing interests and figuring out what your match is possibly interested in will go a long way.
Writing more about oneself in a bio and through appropriate prompts makes it easier for others to engage.
Hiding details, being vague and providing cliche answers is a sure sign that someone is insecure, not ready to date, boring, or is not going to put in the effort you are looking for. Take queues in the photos, bio, and communication.
When in doubt, volunteer, take classes, explore new routes, dine alone, read the news, make new/different types of friends, check out local culture publications around food, travel, or events.
Become a regular anywhere. Talk to strangers. Don’t be afraid to mess up. Those that are not willing to put themselves out there for others signal that they are not ready to meet someone amazing.
One Word Replies, Delayed Answers, Slow To Respond + One-Sided Conversations
If you find yourself always the one to start conversations, waiting for replies or trying to draw out the conversation, time to move on.
No need to waste your time and energy on people who are lazy, lack effort or don’t match your interest. Some people have a hard time giving up on people mainly due to lack of matches, options.
Don’t settle for less. If this is the case, improve yourself offline and online (photos, bios, app choice, captions, smiles, prompts, appearance etc.) so you can afford to be picky and not settle for losers.
If someone is truly busy or going through something, he or she should use good communication skills to let you know what’s going on vs having you ask them. They will make it up to you, express remorse and make plans to correct it and follow through.
Related reading: Online Dating Messaging Etiquette
How Do You Save A Dry Conversation, How To Revive An Online Dating Conversation? How To Bring Back A Dead Conversation, Restarting Online Dating Conversations On Tinder, Bumble, Hinge
If conversations are dead and there is no hope to revive the conversation, be bold and swing for the fences. Find a purpose, reason to start it – something timely, relevant but ideally unique. Timing matters, context is key.
Some people hate texting, are forgetful or just want to meet in person asap rather than engage in meaningless texts. Be flirty, be forward but be respectful. Randomness, weird observations can sometimes do the trick.
Why Don’t Guys Ask Questions On Dating Apps, Why Do Men Lose Interest On Dating Apps, Online Dating Conversations Going Nowhere
Some guys start off strong and then slowly fade away. It’s not uncommon for guys to swipe right on every girl and then focus on ones they are most interested in, ones that are mostly likely to hook up with or ones that are most interested in meeting up sooner than later. It’s just one of those harsh realities of online dating.
Your intent with conversation should not be to figure out if he is the one. Your focus should be on qualifying him and seeing if he is worth your time for one date – nothing more.
All too often women try to change a man or try to win him over when he has done zero to reciprocate that same effort, enthusiasm, responsiveness, etiquette and commitment.
This is precisely why you talk to multiple people early on, keep your options open and don’t think beyond the next date.
Related read: Mistakes Women Make On Dating Apps.
Related read: He’s Just Not That Into You
How To Keep A Online Dating Conversation Going With A Girl, Guy, How To Keep An Online Dating Conversation Going Over Text
When a girl texts you, she is signaling that she is free to chat and wants to chat. If you wait too long, she will message someone else and/or lose interest.
Don’t try to play it cool and wait to respond to her. Don’t listen to garbage advice like that. Don’t be overly eager or desperate but be responsive and timely.
How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Guy On Tinder, Bumble & Hinge – Online Dating Messages
The biggest mistakes most women make is not identifying red flags and realizing he is not that into you. Don’t try so hard to start the conversation all the time if he doesn’t match your enthusiasm, effort.
Some guys purposely ignore women to see who are the most desperate of them all.
You shouldn’t have to chase after someone all the time but you should make it easier for them to strike up conversations by filling out your profile, bio and prompts with more details, anecdotes and examples.
Online Dating Conversation Going Nowhere – Online Dating Conversation Tips
Sometimes it’s not you but them or momentum just died off. One of the biggest mistakes a person can make is overly investing themselves in stranger they haven’t met.
Sometimes you need to know when to fold your cards and move on rather than get discouraged about endless chats and conversations that never turn to dates.
Learn to cut off timewasters here.
Online Dating Penpals, How To Tell If Your Match Just Wants To Be Penpals: Dating App Penpals, Online Dating Questions
If your match dodges questions about meeting up for a date or declines your date ideas but offers no follow up i.e. alternative days, request for time, you might be wasting your time with a penpal.
Most people are comfortable meeting after a few days or at most a week or two depending on availability. If your match offers no timetable for availability, move on. Too much texting before a first date can sabotage any opportunity for something romantic.
How To Get More Dates From Dating Apps (Hinge, Bumble, Tinder etc.), How To Talk On Dating Apps
Great conversation flow is great but if you take too long, you can lose interest in a match. Similarly, if you try to rush things, you can push away matches.
The key to getting more dates is timing (planning dates sooner than later), asking them in a timely manner (something interesting, fun) but also doing so in a way that feels personalized, shows effort.
Planning dates too far out in advance can be the end of a match. Similarly, asking too soon shows you may not value their time or feel like you have no plans or anything going on in your own life.
Finding a time-sensitive activity is great because you have an excuse to do it at a particular date and time and shows effort.
Related read: More matches on dating apps
Carrying The Conversation Online Dating, Online Dating Conversation Fizzles, Online Dating Conversations Die, Online Dating Dry Conversation
The purpose of a conversation on a dating app is to get to know each other and figure out if you want to go on a date with said person. Not all people are ready to go on dates or even want to.
Some are bored, some are looking for attention, some are scared of meeting in person (insecurity, photos don’t look like them, lied about their profile, some are juggling other dates while some are not making dating a priority in life). Don’t ignore these red flags.
Match effort, enthusiasm and ask the person out. If they don’t give you an answer or don’t say yes, move on.
Can’t afford to be picky? Improve yourself (exercise, get better photos, practice conversation skills, get feedback on your dating profile, strategy, app choice etc). Most people never get help and spend way too much time with self-sabotaging efforts.
Bumble Conversation Tips: Bumble Conversation Starters, Openers, How To Start A Conversation on Bumble? Hinge Conversation, What To Say On Bumble
How To Start A Conversation On Tinder? Tinder Messaging Tips, Examples, Tinder Convo Starters, What To Say On Tinder, What Topics To Talk About On Dating Apps
How To Start A Conversation On Hinge? Hinge Opening Lines, First Messages, Hinge Conversation Starters, What To Say On Hinge
When Should You Move The Conversation Off The Dating Apps? Moving From Dating App To Texting, How To Continue A Conversation On Hinge, How To Continue A Conversation On Bumble, How To Continue A Conversation On Dating Apps
It varies but that is something I go over with clients in my coaching services. Typically after a date is secured but it will vary by the person.
How To Transition From Bumble To Texting, How To Transition From Hinge To Texting
Set up a date. Info here. No need to exchange numbers until a date is planned.
Dating App How Is Your Week Going? How Is Your Day? How Is Your Weekend? What Are You Up To? Online Dating How Are You?
These are lazy, low-effort lines. Fine if accompanied by other (better) lines but if used sparingly. Read more on these lines here.
Questions To Ask Online Dating, Dating Topics, Dating Conversation Topics, Online Dating Chat, Questions To Keep A Conversation Going, Dating App Conversation Tips, Successful Dating App Conversations, Questions To Ask On Hinge, Questions To Ask On Bumble
Read this to learn about questions to ask on Hinge and questions to ask on Bumble.
Dating Coach Services - Men & Women
First date ideas, wardrobe styling, places to meet singles, where to sit at bars & restaurants, body language, vocal intonation, eye contact, conversation skills, how to be more approachable, conversation starters, grooming, hygiene, hair, wardrobe, style, hobbies, lifestyle choices, uncovering blindspots, reducing biases and more.
Clients from NYC, LA, Chicago, Washington DC, Silicon Valley, San Francisco, Boston, Austin, Seattle, London, Sydney & beyond. As seen in the NYT, WSJ, AskMen, Women's Health, Forbes & More
How To Keep The Conversation Going, What To Talk About On Dating Apps, What To Say On Dating Apps, Bumble Questions To Keep Conversation Going, What To Ask Hinge Match, Conversation Starters For Dating
How To Write A Good Dating Profile – Tips For Men, Women On Hinge, Bumble
Online Dating Messaging Etiquette – What Not To Say After Matching On Dating Apps
Bumble Openers & First Messaging Tips (Bumble Conversation Starters)
Tinder Open Lines (How To Start A Conversation On Tinder, Tinder Conversation Tips))
Rejection Etiquette (Ending Conversation, Turning Down People, Dates, Unmatching)
How To Be Successful With Dating Apps – Advice On Profiles, Messages, Photos, Communication
Biggest Mistakes Women Make On Dating Apps – Common Mistakes Women Make On Dating Sites
Online Dating First Dates – Date Ideas, Planning, Communication & More
Online Dating Red Flags – Red Flags In Communication, Unmatching, Date Ideas, Asking For Photos, Pushy Guys
Best Tinder Profile Photos – Best Tinder Photos For Guys, Girls
Hinge Invited You To Start The Chat – How To Start Conversations On Bumble, Who Should Message First
Best Dating App Conversation Starters (Hinge, Bumble, Tinder) – Openers, First Messages
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a dating coach for men & women and a professional photographer based in San Francisco, servicing clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, Silicon Valley, London, Washington DC, Boston, Sydney and beyond as seen in the NYT, WSJ, SFGate, ABC7News, AskMen, Women's Health Magazine & more.
Former analytics professional and user of dating apps himself, he possesses unique insight into dating app algorithms, user behavior, first impressions and communication styles. He provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice, messaging, image consulting, date planning, screening profiles, ID'ing red flags, and offline tips for meeting people organically.
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