Online Dating Questions: Dating App Questions, Questions To Ask On Bumble, Questions To Ask On Hinge, Questions To Ask On A Dating Website, Good, Funny Questions
When it comes to asking people questions on dating apps, it can be difficult to figure out what to say. Should you send a comment or just a like? Should you comment on the first photo or last photo? Should you click through one’s Instagram photos?
Not everyone makes an honest effort to put themselves out there. It’s important to identify those time-wasters, narcissists and those with different intentions, lifestyles and focus on those you are more compatible with. This can mean fewer possible likes and matches, but that is ok. Quality matters more than quantity.
Below are questions to ask on a dating app, topics to avoid and how to develop more of a connection with matches to increase chances of getting dates.
Related read: Common Mistakes Guys Make On Dating Apps
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The best questions are those that show you have reviewed the person’s profile and make an effort to connect with them. Low-effort questions, yes/no questions, and questions that the person has heard often enough will go unnoticed.
Rather than ask a question straight out, the best comments to send reflect a give and take approach. By asking a question, you are requesting the other person make an effort. By pairing your question with a comment or opinion first, you offer up something in exchange for a request for information. This is how conversations start. Offering a comment or opinion along with your follow-up question shows effort, but also helps you be decisive and take a stand.
Open-ended questions should be related to a person’s profile, photos, hometown, bios, prompts, captions, IG photos or Spotify playlists. The more obscure or non-mainstream (more risk) your focus is, the higher chance you will stick out. Using hi, hey, how are you, how is your day is not only low-effort but repetitive. Too many people play it safe but that is boring.
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When it comes to Hinge, there are a number of ways to ask someone a question either when sending a comment with a like or after you match. The possible things to ask questions range from prompt answers, photos, captions on photos, prompt poll, voice prompt, video prompt, Instagram feed or profile questions (hometown, job or education).
With 6 photos, up to 6 captions, 3 text prompts, 1 video prompt, 1 voice prompt and 1 prompt poll, 24 Instagram photos, 1 hometown, 1 job, 1 education, you have up to 45 things to comment on – that is quite a bit. Obviously not everyone syncs their IG to their account nor do they always caption photos, add voice or video prompts, add poll prompts or answer prompts with any sort of detail.
Typically, prompts are recommended over photos as most people focus on photos which are easier but lead to more repetitive questions, comments. Being unique helps you stand out. Most people overlook details in things like photo captions so tap the photo to get offered up clues the person may have offered.
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Bumble has different fields and profile structure than Hinge which can make things easier or harder to ask questions about depending on how you view it and how people fill out their profile. The main difference with Bumble is that it has a bio. This means that a person has the option to write about themselves without using a cliche, generic prompt.
Unfortunately, not everyone uses the Bumble bio efficiently. Sometimes people write very little, some list their Instagram accounts while others use lazy, low-effort bios like ‘just ask’. Fortunately, Bumble allows users to have up to 6 photos, 3 profile prompts, Instagram accounts, Spotify accounts, hometown, education and job which offers up to 14 ways to comment or ask questions on a profile.
This may not seem like much in terms of quantity, but Bumble prompts are typically better than Hinge as they are more open-ended and more insightful, assuming a user selects the right one and fills it out thoughtfully. Similarly, items like one’s Spotify playlist can offer up specifics about what a person listens to.
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It’s easy to comment on a well-known location in a photo or a show everyone watches. Take some time to dig deeper into a profile. Look for clues that others may have overlooked. These details will prove not only are you familiar with a location, activity or reference but also show you are paying attention to them.
Avoid comments that focus on looks, body, or other superficial things. Yes, these comments can work occasionally, but often times, these flirty comments will lead nowhere and may be reported by users for being creepy. Do you really want to pursue someone who spends time addressing superficial comments from strangers? Do you really want someone that vain, shallow and superficial?
Remember, even the best comments will go unnoticed if you ignore filters, preferences, deal-breakers. Like applying for colleges, it’s good to have stretch goals but if you are focusing exclusively outside your league, you are likely to fail.
Similarly, one needs to have a profile filled out thoroughly to make it easier for the other person to comment on but also show that you are making an effort. Standing out on dating apps is more than just witty lines, it’s also effort on your profile, timing, self-awareness, grooming habits, wardrobe, smiles, job, education and more.
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Avoid generic, empty questions like how are you, how is your day, hi there how is it going?
Similarly, you want to avoid questions that make you send dismissive, jaded or defensive. Questions like are you married, what brings you to the app, do you have kids, are you poly etc. sound a bit abrupt. These are things to ask in person or after a few messages. This is more of an introduction, not an ordering app or interview.
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Questions can range in topic and style. Some questions could be about hypothetical situations, current events, observations about pop culture or about local flavor. There is no right answer as everyone is different.
Some people want to learn more about you and want you to ask them questions. Some want to meet up asap for a date. Learning to screen profiles and read people is crucial to know what kind of person they are and know they might find interesting to talk about.
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The key is not to start small talk at all. There is a fine line between interview style questions and small talk. Too much small talk can lead to penpal syndrome on dating apps.
Keep the conversation to a minimum and focus on obtaining a date. Too much small talk on dating apps can be too hard to bounce back from. If you are going to chat ask questions but also don’t treat it like an interview, offer up details about yourself. Be responsive, don’t let too much time go in between messages.
Related read: How To Keep The Conversation Going On Dating Apps
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These are the most common questions and opening lines that people ask on dating apps aside from hi, heyy, how are you. They are not that much better, and are very cliche. There are better first lines to ask on dating apps and in my coaching sessions, I will teach you what to say, when to ask and how to get better conversations.
With that said, you should always be truthful in your answers. Don’t be dodgy, don’t just say what you think the other person wants to hear. The more people lie or misrepresent themselves, the worse dating apps are for everyone.
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-How was your day?
-How was your weekend?
-How was your (insert holiday)
-How are you?
-What are you up to?
-Any plans this weekend?
-What made you swipe right on me?
-Hi, Hey, Heyy
-What brings you to this app?
-What are you looking for?
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Be unique, don’t ask her the same questions that are clearly answered in her dating profile, don’t make the questions feel like a job interview, and don’t ask her yes/no questions.
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About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He has insight into algorithms as well as a keen understanding of dating cultures across locations, demographics, and orientations.
He helps with profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & where to meet singles. Whether you are a POC, short guy, introvert, engineer, or just struggling with dating, he can help you be efficient & strategic.
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