How To Attract More People With Your Dating Profile and Bio
As an online dating photographer and consultant, I can confirm that good photos do help your chances at success in online dating however, what you write can negate any advantages your photos provide. In case you haven’t done so already, check out this intro guide for writing your online dating bio. Once you have the basics down, come back here to optimize those efforts.
Main Profile Photo
The first thing people see when a profile loads up is your main profile photo. I go into more detail about photos to use and avoid in this post, but your main profile photo is the single most important part of your profile. A bad photo may result in someone not clicking through to see the rest of your profile, photos. Depending on the app you are on, if you are not getting enough profile views, I would start here.
Dating apps can be a bit intrusive with questions… Match.com *cough* but most dating apps ask fairly good at keeping fields in a bio to a minimum. With that said, all required fields should obviously be filled out but just because a field is not required doesn’t mean you should skip it or ignore it. Failure to include a job industry, hometown, smoker/drinker status etc. can be viewed by others as lacking effort or suggest you are not looking for anything serious. I am not advocating you list every specific detail including exact company, exact job title but you should provide some general details so people can get a sense of who you are. Also the more details included the easier it makes it for others to engage with you.
The main mistake people make on the written portion of their online dating profile is listing their deal-breakers. Listing several no’s can communicate a certain level of jadedness, distrust and level of hurt from such people. For example, listing you don’t want players, scrubs, flakes, immature personalities and liars implicates that you have dated such people in the past and likely have dated several of these types regularly. I will be the first to say that yes, you should avoid people like this but there is a way to communicate this without seeming too negative.
Instead of listing that you don’t want someone who is immature, you can instead say you are looking for someone who has a good head on their shoulders, good moral compass, is professional, respects people by being on time, is responsible or strives to be well-rounded professionally and socially etc.
On the flip side, you do not want to write these in a list on your profile — you should list examples of these traits through short stories. For responsibility and thoughtfulness, you can hint at something by saying you are the one in your circle of friends who hosts dinner parties or over-packs for camping trips by bringing extra food or waits in line early for brunch while your friends take their time getting ready / waking up. Short stories are far more effective at communicating personality traits than listing a bunch of adjectives.
Not Writing Enough
In some cases you will be limited in how many characters you have to write something about yourself but even so, you need to effectively use the space you have to fill in the blanks and provide insight into who you are. The biggest mistake in this area is photo captions. Most sites and apps provide space for you to caption your photos. Do not overlook this. This is extremely helpful for group shots — please label the people and yourself in these shots i.e. my sister and I at a family reunion, my cousin and I wandering the streets of Eastern Europe, my best friend from college and I celebrating 10 years of friendship, my roommate and I cheering on the Giants. Using labels in this instance will alleviate any possibility that the person in your photo is not an ex AND it can provide context of how you spend your time (and with who).
The other instance that comes to mind is not being descriptive enough when listing hobbies. All too often I see people list super generic things in their profile i.e. I love to travel, I love Mexican food etc. First off, who doesn’t love to travel or doesn’t like Mexican food? Be more descriptive. You can say I love to travel to urban cities near and far and wandering the streets aimlessly. This communicates that you love to explore vs. laying out on a beach all day. Instead of listing you like trying new restaurants or like exploring bars, say that you are a sucker for butternut squash and roasted Brussels sprout dishes or Manhattan drinks at speakeasy bars. These specific examples reveal specific quirks and secret passions (FYI — quirks can be super insightful, attractive and endearing).
Writing For Yourself, Not For Others
If you spend any time on dating apps, you will notice a trend of writing that resembles a memoir or autobiography. These types of bios are a bit inflated, biased or even inaccurate. These bios are what I can aspirational and borderline the ‘The Most Interesting (Wo)Man” approach. They shouldn’t be written for yourself but should be written for who you are trying to attract. Bios that are too strong, forward or trying to convince you this person is perfectly content being alone are usually a red flag for me i.e. “I am a great catch!”. There is a fine line of being comfortable in your own skin and being narcissistic. Conversely, bios that lack energy, details, enthusiasm can be see as dull, depressing or thoughtless. If you have a hard time writing about yourself, people will extrapolate that and assume you are like that in other aspects of your life.
With this insight, you are now ready to overhaul your online dating profile and can effectively reveal things about yourself more so than any list of adjectives can. With that said, be sure to limit these stories and do not write an endless novel about yourself — leave something up to the imagination and keep the stories short and sweet.
Now that you have your bio and profile covered, do a quick check on your photos to make sure you are not self-sabotaging your chances at success.
If after all this you feel like you are still not successful on dating apps, contact me for a personalized, in depth profile critique.
For additional tips about dating apps, profile photos, bios, prompts, check out my blog.