What Is Hinge’s Invited You To Start The Chat? How Does It Work? Hinge’s Invitation To Start A Conversation Feature. Mark Unresponded Messages, Reduce Ghosting, Etiquette
If you have used dating apps long enough, you will notice a large portion of likes or comments rarely turn into matches. Of those limited matches, a few lead to conversations. As an online dating photographer and consultant here in San Francisco, many people put all their effort into photos and largely ignore bios, prompts and method of initial contact and communication.
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There are a variety of reasons for this inefficiency including: volume of matches, lost interest, further investigation of the profile beyond main photo after matching, better options presented, unflattering Instagram post, got tired of the app or online dating, other person did not initiate conversation, never intended to communicate (bot, spammer, looking for Instagram likes, website traffic, accumulating likes on apps) etc.
Reduced Ghosting Effort
Hinge released a feature called ‘Invite to Chat’ whereby people (either gender, not just women) who have received a like or comment notification can then turn around and invite the individual who liked or commented on a photo or prompt to chat.
The aim here is to show an intent to engage in conversation without having to use words and to reduce ghosting by the other party. This feature also contains the ability to mark messages as responded. These are gentle/ungentle reminders to continue the chat with your match.
Hinge describes the feature as letting users decides who should make the first move. Many would argue that a like or comment on a prompt or photo is a first move while others suggest these are incomplete, ambiguous, low effort signals.
It also claims the reason behind the feature is that 23% people “just got busy and forgot” about people in their inbox. I would argue that if you have that many matches or not on the app enough (2-3x a week, 20-30 minutes a day is plenty) then perhaps online dating is not for you.
How To Respond To Invited You To Start The Chat
On occasion, people may not see your original comment. It’s rare but Hinge is one of the buggiest dating apps out there. If you do get this prompt after sending out the initial comment, merely point out that the conversation has been started or that you commented on a photo or prompt. Some people will acknowledge this oversight, some may reply saying there was no mention (Hinge is pretty buggy so not out of the question).
If no response or if you receive a lame response, move one. Rarely do people not notice the initial message and a simple reminder/prompt is enough to rekindle a conversation but don’t hold out too much hope.
Many folks on dating sites are flaky, lazy and inconsiderate. Focus your time on those that respect your time. You should only focus on those that match your time, effort, enthusiasm and respect otherwise consider this lack of decency as a possible red flag.
Whether its men or women, straight, gay or bi, people like it when others show initiative beyond initial interest. It shows confidence and frankly many people on dating apps could benefit from some of this.
Too much anonymity, hiding behind old, blurry, dark photos and incomplete bios has made it challenging for people to reveal themselves. This is all the more reason to stand out more easily among a sea of indecisive, insecure and nervous folks.
What Can You Infer About People Who Use This Generic Prompt?
Inviting someone to chat after a comment is already sent is lazy. People like this are looking to be entertained or use it as a way to analyze someone to see if they can manipulate them and take advantage of them. It can be an early indicator to see how eager and quickly you are willing to jump through hoops for a complete stranger.
Similarly, if you send a like and the other person sends this message, it is slightly better but chances are neither party is that interested nor outgoing enough to put themselves out there. If you like someone, comment on a profile or photo, don’t just send a like. Better yet, follow up on the comment with a question or opinion.
Pro-tip: Reduce your chance of getting unmatched or ghosted by avoiding these Hinge Tinder bingo offenses.
Should You Use Hinge Invited You To Start The Chat?
If you have to ask someone to start talking to you, you are barking up the wrong tree. You shouldn’t have to ask someone to show interest in you or exert effort. People can get anxious because they are blinded by infatuation, don’t have many options (likes or matches) or are using a volume approach with dating apps.
If you are interested in someone, make the first move. Take control of your love life. If you are a passenger in your own life, things will not go the way you hoped for or planned. However, you shouldn’t be the one to continually message first – don’t text him. Make sure the other person matches you energy, interest and enthusiasm. There is a fine line between taking the lead here and there and being too clingy, making excuses for others and trying to see if he or she is interested in you.
Some guys and girls try too hard to make something out of nothing on dating apps. One of the biggest reasons is lack of options. Rather than trying to convince someone you are not really interested in to go out with you, focus on yourself and what you can influence and control. Work on your appearance, smiles, style, hobbies, interests and conversation skills. Improve yourself and make yourself more interesting so you can afford to be more picky.
How To Respond To A Like On Hinge
Likes alone are meaningless. If you like someone, add a note to the like. I generally advise people not to respond to a simple like alone. It can be viewed as lazy or can be viewed as something done by someone who is shy. Focus on those that put forth a little more effort and creativity. If you do like someone, don’t just send a like, send a note as well. Reference their profile, photos or captions. Don’t use a boring intro like how are you or what are you doing.
Your Turn – Red Buttons vs. Blue Buttons
Red buttons point out incoming likes, new matches and conversations where it is your turn to respond by summing these up as a total. Blue buttons on the matches tab sum up conversations where it is your turn to respond.
Hinge Date From Home – Ready For A Video Or Phone Call?
After matching, Hinge users will see a “Date from Home” menu pop-up appear at the bottom of each conversation with their matches. This prompt will ask if they’re ready for a video or phone call with their match. This prompt came from a survey of users suggesting they would be open to a digital date. You can select Ready or Not Yet. If both people select ‘Ready’ both users will be notified. Hinge will eventually ask you if you met up (private feedback).
Online Dating Etiquette, Hidden Chats
If you are no longer interested in speaking with someone, you can unmatch or slide the conversation left and select hide to hide the conversation for a later time. Typically, the more you engage with someone the more polite thing to do is to state that you are no longer interested in the person. More on this here: https://eddie-hernandez.com/online-dating-etiquette/ Any match with no activity in 14 days is automatically hidden.
For additional tips on all things Hinge related: https://eddie-hernandez.com/?s=hinge
Next Read: Dating App Conversation Starters & Tips
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a professional photographer specializing in natural, candid online dating photos. Featured in the SFGate, ABC7News, East Bay Express, Salon; contributor to Good Men Project, Plenty Of Fish and Meddle. In addition to photos, he provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice and date ideas. https://eddie-hernandez.com/contact/
Dating Profile Critique
For those of you who are remote or virtual dating help and are looking for an online dating profile critique you can read more about my services here.
For other helpful online dating tips check out my blog for more helpful advice: https://eddie-hernandez.com/blog/
Online Dating Frequently Asked Questions (Photos, App Choice, Wardrobe, Messaging, Bios and More): https://eddie-hernandez.com/online-dating-frequently-asked-questions/
Online Dating Safety Tips: https://eddie-hernandez.com/online-dating-safety-tips/
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