Is A Dating Coach Worth Hiring? Pros & Cons

Should I Hire A Dating Coach? Dating Coach Costs; Do Dating Coaches Work?

There is still a stigma around getting help with one’s dating life but that is changing. Just like people hire nutritionists, vocal coaches, wardrobe stylists, trainers, financial advisors and career coaches, people are now exploring dating coaches now more than ever.

Most people have no problem hiring professionals in their career and for financial planning, but dating has always lagged these other areas. Ask most people, and who you spend your time with is arguable more important than one’s job, buying a home or even one’s health.

Dating Coaches: Pros & Cons 

Some dating coaches are worth it but a majority of them are not. Many only focus on small areas like apps, offline efforts or genders but the best coaches are able to see things from a 360 perspective. The dating coaches that are worth it can’t help everyone as not everyone is ready to date.

There is no certification nor training required for dating coaches. That means there is no standardized training and no formal overview of service providers. Most dating coaches you see online, in ads, on Instagram posts, YouTube videos and review sites have a few things in common – they are great salespeople, have few/no review on Google/Yelp or are conventionally attractive.

These charismatic dating coaches typically have advantages most people do not have. They often lack the understanding of what it is like to be short, overweight, person of color, have a speech impediment, lack good looks and or possess charm.

The other common trait most dating coaches have is that they offer scripted one size fit all classes or courses or charge and insane amount of money for private lessons. If you are talking to someone, it is likely an assistant, intern, contractor or salesperson. Very few coaches work directly with clients.

Most coaches operate by giving general advice and don’t offer much nuance or unique help with specific situations. I am a data person but even I know there are anomalies and corner cases that rely on exceptions to the rules rather than simply playing the odds.

Lastly, when it comes to reviews, there are a lot of shady practices here. You should be careful if a coach doesn’t have a Yelp or Google listing. Internal reviews and anonymous quotes are a huge red flag. Typically, Yelp reviews are more likely to be removed if they are fake (relative to Google) but even then, older Google reviews that are obviously fake have not been removed.

Publications and news sites like Buzzfeed, NYPost, BusinessInsider and Forbes are big names but are not the most trustworthy sites for quotes or reputation. Being featured on these sites is easy – look for features in NYT or other reputable sites (ideally those referenced on dating apps specifically like Hinge, Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel).

Related read: Dating App vs Matchmaking Services

Should I Hire A Dating Coach? 

There are many misconceptions about whom dating coaches are, what they do and how much they can help you. We will get into that later but if you are considering hiring a dating coach, it might be a good idea to review these reasons why hiring a dating coach can be a good idea.

If you are willing to view coaching services as a partnership rather than a one-sided engagement, you are likely ready to hire a dating coach. Dating coaches can’t force you do anything, everything and similarly, they require that you put in work. Anyone who makes bold claims like 5x dates, 10x matches is full of shit. Results will vary and success is not always about more likes, matches or dates but rather quality dates.

If you are ready to here brutally honest advice and feedback, you are ready to date. Dating coaches is not for those that are going through heavy stuff in their lives. Dating requires honest, transparency and good communication – not just with your coach but also your dates.

A good dating coach can uncover blind spots, help you ID red flags, help you to screen profiles, read people but your losses sooner. If you are patient, willing to learn, willing to be vulnerable and willing to prioritize dating, you can benefit from a dating coach. A dating coach can hold you accountable and call you out your on misconceptions and missteps.

Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Hire A Dating Coach

There is a lot a dating coach can do for you but there is a lot they can’t do. They can’t go on dates for you. They can’t swipe for you. They can’t send messages for you. They can’t plan dates for you. This work is typically reserved for ghostwriters, concierge services and matchmakers.

If you are delusional with respect to what you think you deserve and what you think you are entitled to, you will likely not benefit from a dating coach. Many people who hire dating coaches want they to do the work for them rather than makes changes in their lives. If this is you, you shouldn’t hire a dating coach.

Dating coaches are not miracle workers. They will tell you how to take care of your skin, maintain good hygiene/grooming habits, adjust wardrobe as necessary, learn to communicate better, help you to plan better dates and how to act on dates but they can’t do it for you. These action items take weeks, if not months to improve. If you are not willing to be patient and work on these, you are not ready to hire a dating coach.

Related read: Are You Ready To Date?

Are Dating Coaches Worth It?

A great dating coach is sympathetic and will support you. Some coaches view sessions as purely transactional opportunities. They will take on as many clients as possible. Coaches like myself reject 70% of applicants so they can focus on those they can help the most but also those that are willing to put in the work.

Dating coaches should tell you less about what to do in certain scenarios and help you understand the people you are trying to attract. Dating coaches cannot give you the answers all the time, sometimes you need to make your own choices based on trade-offs i.e. fewer matches but better matches, being picky vs waiting longer to get a date, dating someone you are on the fence with vs dating someone you are excited about.

Dating Coach For Hire: The Problems With Dating Coaches

Some coaches are single themselves. Some are on the same dating apps they are trying to get you to use. You may not care about a dating coach’s status but some people do. If they have been single for a long time, that might be of bigger concern as relationships come and go.

Some coaches don’t have any other service providers recommending them, which could be a huge red flag. Coaches like myself have recommendations from trusted therapists, matchmakers, coaches, dating apps and more.

Not everyone has the same intentions and goals, but good dating coaches should recuse themselves if your goals don’t align with their offerings. Don’t just hire a coach because they are attractive, charming or make bold claims. Look for dating coaches that have experience with your situation.

I mostly focus on those that are overcoming tough circumstances i.e. women over 40, people of color, introverts and engineers, and those that live in competitive areas for their gender i.e. NYC, SF, LA, Seattle, Austin, Chicago etc. A lot of advice is geo-specific and advice should factor in local angles.

Dating Coach vs A Matchmaker, Dating Coach vs Matchmaking Service

Some coaches are matchmakers but not all matchmakers are dating coaches. Some matchmakers will hire wardrobe stylists and dating coaches to prep clients for dates. Some dating coaches act as matchmakers for clients in select situations. One is not necessarily better than the other although if you are looking to outsource your love life and are unwilling to put in the work, then you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Dating Coach vs A Ghostwriter – What Do Dating Coaches Do?

Some dating coaches will act as a ghostwriter, but most will not go that far. Most good coaches are more invested in technique and strategy rather than writing profiles and messages for you on your behalf. Please note, that if you do hire a ghostwriter, you may be hurting your chances as most of them recycle profiles and messages and women are usually smart to catch on to generic, cliche lines and messages.

Related read: Why You Shouldn’t Outsource Your Dating Life

Dating Coach vs Therapist: Which To Use; Which Is Better? 

Dating coaches tend to specialize in and focus on present and future oriented processes to help you become more date ready (grooming, styling, communication, hobbies, interests etc), evaluate options for meeting people (apps vs matchmakers vs speed dating vs offline efforts) and typically have a set start/end date or number of sessions.

I typically work with clients for about 1-2 months and often have a follow-up, check in sessions 3-6 months out or longer, depending on changes made, experiences and more.

Dating therapists tend to focus on healing past/ongoing trauma and coping with life stressors (depression, body issues, eating disorders, fear of public speaking and other phobias. Therapy is usually ongoing and is done by a licensed professional. Dating coaches can be used in addition to therapists but typically individuals should start with therapists first to work on underlying issues.

I am one of the few dating coaches and photographers that therapists recommend thanks to my holistic approach and focus on fundamentals rather than hacks, shortcuts and gaming the system.

Related read: Are You Ready To Date

If you need immediate mental health support, you can find help here:

https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help

https://www.cdc.gov/mental-health/caring/index.html 

Dating Coaching Costs, Prices; How To Find A Dating Coach

Dating coaches can range in price from a few thousand dollars for courses and bootcamps to 5-6 figures for one on one coaching. Many coaches will require contracts and long-term commitments. Coaches like myself don’t want to work with those that don’t find value in my services and don’t want to work with me, which is why I don’t put outrageous demands on clients.

Dating App Coach Reviews

Dating By Blaine Reviews – Dating By Blaine Yelp Reviews

Vida Select Dating Reviews – Vida Select Yelp Reviews  |  Vida Select Google Reviews

More coming soon.

Why Are Dating Coaches Expensive?

Yes, it can definitely be worth it hiring a dating coach. Not all coaches have public facing reviews, know your demographics and areas. If you think about it, who you spend your life with is one of the biggest choices you will make in your life. Additionally, people have limited time to find their partners and it’s expensive to waste countless time, money, energy etc making the same mistakes again and again.

This is why I turn down about 70% of clients so I can focus on those experiences I am familiar with and have helped others in. I am not going to accept you as a client if:

-I don’t think I can help you,

-I don’t think you are ready to date,

-You don’t have realistic expectations or

-You are not ready to put in the work.

People get help all the time. The cost of making mistakes, ignoring blind spots and wasting your precious time is much greater than the cost of hiring a good dating coach.