Why You Should Not Hire An Online Dating Ghostwriter, Dating App Profile Writing Service aka Online Dating Profile Helper Nor Matchmaker To Outsource Your Love Life
As an online dating photographer in San Francisco I encounter people from all walks of life that need help with their photos. Taking photos is something that can be frustrating and daunting and that’s where I come in however, unlike other photographers I will not photoshop images to materially alter your appearance. My aim is to present clients in a flattering and yet realistic light.
Online Dating Requires Good Writing And Communication Skills
When it comes to online dating, you need to exert effort to tell your story to attract others. Your online profile and bio should reflect your essence (wit, charm, quirks, and creativeness). Outsourcing your bio to a ghostwriter or hiring someone to write and read your messages to matches is not only lazy but ineffective.
The true essence of people is revealed through careful thought, unique perspective and ability to be vulnerable. That is impossible to convey if you outsource that work to someone else who does not know you nor has spent time with you to appreciate and understand subtle quirks.
While I do help individuals with frameworks for Bumble bios, Hinge captions and Match.com bios, this is done after numerous email exchanges and an insightful 1 on 1 photo shoot where I get a chance to pick people’s brains, ask them private, embarrassing and profound questions to get a sense of who they are and what they are about.
I also travel quite a bit for work and likely have extensive knowledge and insight into where you live, hometown, best places to reference, where to take photos that illicit great conversation. Local insight is something at the heart of all my years of travel.
This is something I could not do with a without a meaningful 1 on 1 interaction. The real-life scenarios during a photo-shoot allow me to gain a glimpse of someone’s manners, etiquette, quirks, observations, and character. In the world of online dating, you need to focus on your biggest selling point — you.
For those that are remote, I ask several questions to get an exhaustive look at your life (love life, interests, passions, hobbies, deal-breakers, vocal tones, eye-contact, style, grooming and facial expressions to offer extensive, simple ways to improve your profile and photos.
Why You Shouldn’t Hire Ghostwriter Or Professional Profile Writing Service For Online Dating
If you hire someone to control your online dating, the first thing that comes to mind is inability to assess profiles and/or lack of time to meet people. If you lack time to set up a profile, read over bios and exchange messages, you are not going to have the time to date. Furthermore, you are depriving yourself the opportunity to go through the ups and downs and all the emotions and surprises of dating.
Dating (offline or online) is about the journey as well as the destination. The same skills needed to engage in conversation, assess character and exert effort do not stop once you match, they are needed once you are dating, once you get into an argument once you have difficult decisions to make etc. There is no shortcut when it comes to your personal life.
If you are not willing to put in the time and effort to meet someone, you are definitely not ready to date that person.
A popular complaint I have heard from people is that online dating takes too much time and I agree it can seem tedious and overwhelming. However, once a profile is set up, you should not spend more than 30 minutes a day and no more than 2 hours a week browsing, swiping and messaging. Anything more than that, and you need to learn to be more discerning and efficient.
There is nothing wrong with seeking help or getting feedback but outsourcing all aspects of your online dating to save time and effort will be more costly down to you in the long-term. Ability to write, assess people, communicate effectively, flirt and take chances are essential skills you cannot afford to overlook.
Most people have mentioned that they would be disgusted/repulsed if they found out the person they met used a ghostwriter to misrepresent themselves or if they lied about having a dog. At the end of the day, if you lie about having a dog or lie about the communication stages of online dating, what else are you lying about?
You can read more about one ghostwriter’s experience working for a ghostwriting agency. Misrepresentation, lying about your identity is a sure way to end up on miserable dates and gain a bad reputation.
Getting Banned From Dating Apps For Using Dating Profile Ghostwriters
Some accounts are likely to get banned for logging in from various locations and using different IP addresses.
Should You Hire A Matchmaker?
I get a lot of requests from Matchmakers to send over clients to them that need more hand-holding. Sure if you don’t have the time or are not willing to invest yourself to meet others, then matchmakers could be the way to go.
In my experience, people who contact me for concierge, full takeover of profiles and such are not the type of people that are ready for love or would make for a quality partner that I would feel confident to introduce to friends, family or colleagues. I vet my clients extensively and make sure they are not only willing to put in the effort but are physically and emotionally ready to give themselves to amazing people.
The other thing to consider when using a matchmaker is understanding who their stakeholders are. If you were on the market to buy a home, would you trust your seller’s agent? Most people would not. Interests are not aligned.
Transactions and fulfilling obligations are at the heart of their work. Sure reputation and rating are important, but matchmakers tend to serve you matches on others that have paid them, not necessarily those that are best for you. Take a look at Indian Matchmaker on Netflix for example to see how interests are not aligned even when they are paid top dollar.
Many people tend to give up on dating apps and outsource their love live to matchmakers but the amount of apps you download, the number of likes you send nor the number of dates you go on does not equate to success. There is plenty of self-sabotage on dating profiles and most people are unaware as they never seek help from others.
Love requires users to be present, engaged and partnered in a process unlike hiring a plumber which is rather ubiquitous which matchmaking feels like for most people. Many matchmakers tend to bury their reviews or business listings on sites like Yelp – don’t be fooled.
Most Common Pick Up Lines Used By Dating Profile Ghostwriters
If you think you are unique with your pickup lines, try again. Too many guys use the same old tired lines and it’s obvious you cut and pasted these lines from the internet or hired a ghostwriter. Classic giveaways are not using a first name or trying to come up with a controversial but not intense question or comment.
“Hey. As an animal lover, I want to find out your opinion… dressing up your dog: yes or no?”
“A beautiful seaplane. A suitcase full of cash. And a dashing co-pilot. Whereto?”
“Oh, you like Pink Floyd? Cool. I saw them in concert in ‘77.”
“Hey (insert name), so where shall we tell everyone we met, at church, the gym, or the weekly meeting at the organ rescuers society?”
“‘I work in marketing and if you want to know more about it I have a 367-slide powerpoint presentation for our first date.”
“Hey, are you doing that thing where you’re playing hard to get (winking emoji)?”
“Better Sunday adventure: Netflix binges, hot yoga class or aggressive mimosa sipping?”
“You declare a three-day weekend. Are you heading for the mountains, the beach or sleeping till noon?”
“Hey, (insert name). Something about your profile caught my eye. I think it was the fact that you seem like you have more style and substance than most of the women here. I’d like to learn more about you, so tell me, if you could remove one thing from your daily schedule, what would it be?”
What Dating Apps Thing Of Ghostwriters….
“These companies are essentially leveraging and capitalizing on people’s vulnerability and that’s something Bumble will address accordingly. Being held accountable for the things you say and the actions you take is Bumble’s number one [priority] and if the messages aren’t from you, then you can’t be held accountable. That really worries me.” –VP, Marketing – Bumble.
“the creepier internet version of the 2005 movie Hitch.” –April Short, Alternet via The Inquisiter
What Former Ghostwriters Say About Their Profession
“As a closer, as a ghostwriter, I had no contact with the client I was pretending to be, so I had no way of knowing if they were creepy, dangerous, or married,” offered ‘Chloe Rose,’ one of the writers. “You’re tricking them into going onto a date with a complete stranger.”
Plenty of women feel that hiring someone to communicate for you is dishonest and would immediately unmatch. It’s misrepresenting yourself and your personality from the beginning. What else are you willing to lie about?
Dating is all about getting to know one another and depriving yourself of those candid, raw initial courting phases is misleading, dishonest and rather pathetic. To me, these people view dating and relationships as transactions, another notch on the societal belt. If you want a co-parent or spouse you want to divorce in 5-10 years, go for it. If you want to build a solid structural relationship, it takes time, patience and vulnerability.
Should You Get Professional Dating Photos? https://eddie-hernandez.com/online-dating-portrait-photography/
How To Write A Dating Profile: https://eddie-hernandez.com/how-to-write-an-online-dating-profile/
Best Hinge Prompts: https://eddie-hernandez.com/best-hinge-questions/
Bumble Bio Examples: https://eddie-hernandez.com/a-list-of-best-bumble-bio-examples/
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a professional photographer specializing in natural, candid online dating photos. Featured in the SFGate, ABC7News, East Bay Express, Salon; contributor to Good Men Project, Plenty Of Fish and Meddle. In addition to photos, he provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice and date ideas. https://eddie-hernandez.com/contact/
Dating Profile Critique
For those of you who are remote or virtual dating help and are looking for an online dating profile critique you can read more about my services here.
For other helpful online dating tips check out my blog for more helpful advice: https://eddie-hernandez.com/blog/
Online Dating Frequently Asked Questions (Photos, App Choice, Wardrobe, Messaging, Bios and More): https://eddie-hernandez.com/online-dating-frequently-asked-questions/
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