Are Dating Apps A Waste Of Time? Is Online Dating Bad, Toxic? I Hate Online Dating, Dating Apps Suck, Hinge Sucks, Bumble Sucks

As an online dating consultant and someone who has worked with thousands of clients I am here to say online dating sucks. It is something you will not hear from any other person in my position, but it is true. It’s not for everyone. Dating apps might be a waste of time for your depending on certain factors.

Why would I say this? Easy. Most people have no clue what they are doing and have no clue why they are experiencing the results they do. Some lack self-awareness, some lack approachability, some lack realistic expectations and some just lack proper etiquette.

Online dating addiction is real, online dating frustration is real and people can easily overlook bad habits, poor etiquette and self-destructing behavior which leads many to believe that dating apps are broken. Online dating is a waste of time if you don’t know what you are doing, are dabbling with apps without focus or don’t have realistic expectations.

Even if you do everything by the book, it’s not going to be easy for some people. Gender ratios, preferences for skin tones, height, lifestyle choices, location, style, grooming, facial hair, location, photos, bios, prompts, first lines, wardrobe matter.

Sometimes people need to take a break. Click here to learn more about customized dating profile critiques and coaching services.

Below are some things you should be aware of before using apps.

(related read: Benefits Of Online Dating

 

Online Dating Opinion: Is Online Dating A Good Idea? Should I Bother With Dating Apps

Dating apps are a great way to meet people outside your social circles, routines, and day to day life but only if you do it right. Creating a good profile is needed along with patience, self-awareness, realistic expectations, timing, strategy and location.

Many people lack one or more of these items and as a result, get frustrated easily and give up. Dating app burnout is real. I can bucket the reasons why people are so sick and tired of online dating into a few categories.

Pro-tip: Check out online dating 101 to make sure you are up to speed on all the dating apps.

 

Struggling With Dating Apps – Tired Of Dating Apps, Frustrated With Online Dating

Most people take awful photos, boring cliche photos, don’t know how to write about themselves nor know how to write good messages. Lots of people copy and paste awful prompts, pickup lines, bios and photos.

If you try to play prevent defense on your dating profile, you will end up like the Atlanta Falcons in the Super Bowl against the New England Patriots.

Be bold. Be authentic. Be vulnerable. Be yourself. Playing it safe and using vague, generic short answers will make it hard for you to stand out from the competition.

Use lesser obvious references to establish stronger connections online. Make it easier for others to comment on a prompt, react to a photo and inquire about something in your bio.

THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT WITH YOUR PHOTOS, BIOS, PROMPTS & MESSAGES!

YOU ARE ONLY AS ATTRACTIVE AS YOUR WORST PHOTO!

Related read: What Do Your Dating Profile Photos Signal

 

Time Wasters On Dating Sites, Online Dating Pitfalls – Toxic Online Dating Culture

Most people on dating apps do so because of loneliness, busy lifestyles, or offline inexperience with meeting people. I have a tip for you, online dating is no better than offline dating. 

Dating apps are merely introduction apps. You will be introduced to hookups, pen pals, catfishers, spammers, lonely people, creeps and occasional folks looking for dates with relationships as a possibility. 

If someone is vague, generic, uses laundry lists of adjectives or has lazy low effort bios, don’t make excuses for them. Most people are exactly who they describe themselves as online but that doesn’t mean you should take them at their word.

If someone is only asking you to meet at their place for a first date, insists on drinks for a first date, is too aggressive and asks for your number or requests to take conversations off the app quickly, take that as a red flag.

People who are too smooth with witty pickup lines, are slow to respond to messages or only respond to messages but never initiate them, proceed with caution.

Patience, questions, difficult situations, time will reveal people’s true colors.

Related read: Are You Ready To Date?

New Blog - Modern Dating By Eddie

This blog is for those that are new to dating, have little experience dating, are confused by ‘the rules’, keep making the same mistakes or are frustrated with dating in today’s culture.

 

Dating App Anonymity: Inability to Screen & Filter People; Why Is Online Dating So Bad

If you want a hookup, great, have fun! Live your life. But if you are expecting to turn sex on a first date into a relationship, you will be sorely disappointed. 

Know what you want, what you don’t want and don’t make excuses. Someone who takes excessive selfies is either self-absorbed or narcissistic or doesn’t have friends.

Someone who dresses provocatively, has half naked photos on their dating profile likely needs validation, is insecure or doesn’t want a relationship. There are always exceptions to the rules but with dating apps, you have to make quick decisions based on photos, bios and messages.

Assume nothing, assume everything.

Related read: How To Be Successful With Online Dating

 

Wrong Dating App Choices, What Are The Best Dating Apps, Dating Sites That Work

Not everyone is looking for a hookup on Tinder but to assume most people want a monogamous relationship is ridiculous. Cities where CMB, Hinge and Bumble are popular, Tinder is viewed as a hookup app. In more remote places, Tinder is the only choice. 

Similarly, just because someone is on Coffee Meets Bagel, Hinge or Bumble doesn’t mean they want a relationship or date. Don’t take people at their face value (THIS IS NO DIFFERENT From MEETING SOMEONE OFFLINE). 

Lots of people treat dating apps like Uber Eats while you should be treating them like an app like Couchsurfing. The smartest people I know, in terms of reading people, know how to filter and screen Couchsurfers.

Dating apps are merely a tool, some are better than others depending on your skills, patience and preferences. If you think all apps suck, chances are you could benefit from unbiased feedback, help and change in technique, photos, wardrobe, grooming etc. 

For tips on which dating apps you should use, read this post.

Too Eager On Dating Apps, Online Dating Struggles; Are Dating Apps A Waste Of Time?

If you think you can find the one right away or in a matter of weeks, dating will be rough for you. Just because your taller, slimmer, more attractive friend met someone asap, doesn’t mean you will.

Love takes time. You can’t expect to flip the switch and meet someone instantly. Yes, it can happen quickly, but it is not the norm.

If you want to prioritize meeting someone of quality, make the effort with time, emotional availability, energy, effort and thoughtfulness. Be realistic with your expectation, develop self-awareness. 

Related read: How To Be Successful On Dating Apps

 

Dating App User Error: Online Dating Mistakes To Avoid; Struggling With Dating Apps

Many people do not know how to use dating apps. They think all apps are the same or all apps are similar to non-dating apps they have used for work, pleasure, productivity etc. Similarly, it’s easier for people to blame apps, opposite genders rather than look at themselves. Sure, dating apps are not perfect so if they don’t work for you, stop using them rather than subjecting yourself to misery for years on end.

Dating apps main focus is monetization. They will get your hopes up, send you notifications frequently and prey on your vulnerability. Paying for premium features will not make you more attractive, desirable. Most self-sabotage occurs through offline efforts (health, nutrition, wardrobe, facial expressions, lack of hobbies, lack of ambition, lack of self-awareness, lack of realistic expectations etc.)

You can meet amazing people on dating apps but you can’t expect them to do all the work for you or have your best interest at heart. Don’t expect them to conduct exhaustive backgrounds checks or screen out creeps and time-wasters. Don’t rely on apps for all or even most of your dating efforts, use them sparingly.

Mistakes Women Make On Dating Apps

Mistakes Men Make On Dating Sites

 

Am I Too Picky Dating? Being Too Picky On Dating Apps, Am I Too Picky To Find Love?

This article titled Why Women Need to Date Carpenters Like Men Date Yoga Instructors does an excellent job of highlighting how men are less picky about women when it comes to age, education, height and income.

Similarly, for men being too picky because you feel entitled because of your physique, job title, salary or position doesn’t make up for character and personality.

Women these days are far more educated than men and can afford to be more picky than ever before. There is a fine line between preferences and deal-breakers – it’s up to you where you want to draw the line.

Tighten your age range, as leaving it too wide will cause you to receive worst profiles over time.

Related read: Rejection Etiquette

 

Online Dating Reddit Sub-Reddits & Forums, Online Dating Is Impossible

If you look for advice and tips online like forums like Reddit, you will go down very dark, disturbing rabbit holes. r/Tinder is filled with screenshots conversations, r/RedPill will talk about how women are the reason for men’s failures, r/HingeApp will make fun of women’s prompt choices.

There are some good pieces of advice here and there but it is important to understand the type of users who frequent such boards – single boys and men who have struggled to succeed with dating apps.

There are many jaded introverts, homebodies, and those that rather look for shortcuts rather than seek help or work on themselves.

Related read: Why You Shouldn’t Outsource Your Dating Life

 

Dating App Fatigue: Getting Nowhere With Dating Apps, Done With Online Dating

If you spend too much time on an app, either you will get frustrated and fatigued or the people seeing your profile will. It helps to update your profile completely (not small incremental changes) or take a break for a bit. Being on a dating app too long is not a good look for most folks.

Change your main profile photo, always aim to update/replace your worst photo (people will judge you by your worst photo). Get unbiased feedback on your photos, bio, prompts, first lines, app choices, smiles, wardrobe and approachability.

Related read: Taking A Break From Dating Apps

Over Swiping, Swiping Right Too Much On Tinder, Bumble; Liking Too Much On Hinge

Beggars can’t be choosers but if you swipe right or like profiles too much, too quickly, it can hurt you. Few likes or matches can lead to a downward spiral of despair forcing people to swipe more and get even more frustrated.

Apps like Bumble and Tinder can penalize users for appearing like bots or not being too discerning (spending time reviewing profiles) by displaying their profile less and less. Some users then swipe even more to avoid repeat profiles while others pay for boosts that merely don’t do much.

Related read: Harsh Reality Of Online Dating

Pro-tip: Dating App Swiping Etiquette, Strategy

 

Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work: Dating Apps Are Merely Introduction Apps. You Date Offline

Online dating requires effort, knowledge, good judgment, time and good mental health to have a good chance at success. People put too much pressure on first dates to be their everything, be their best friend be their confidant or be their therapist. This is too much to ask of a stranger.

If you are unable or unwilling to meet people organically offline, you will likely not fare better online. You meet online but date offline (flirting, planning dates, dressing up, being thoughtful are all traits that are need offline and online).

One thing most people fail to work on is on their communication skills, writing skills and general social skills. Expand your reading, musical tastes, food preferences, show/movie/podcast binging and keep up with local trends.

Related read: Online Dating Misnomer

 

Is Online Dating Worth It? Online Dating Success Rate, Are Dating Sites Worth It?

I outlined some frustrations around dating above, but you may be wondering, is online dating it worth it? The short answer it depends on many factors around you, what you want, what you are willing to compromise, demographics and more.

You can’t just show up, create a profile and expect results. Dating takes time, patience, self-awareness and being mentally, socially, emotionally ready and available.

If you self-sabotage your profile with bad photos, profiles, writing skills, don’t expect to be successful. Most people never seek independent, unbiased feedback. It’s like trying out for a sports team without training ahead of time.

Can’t just show up and expect to make the team. Sure some people are more gifted than others, but you can’t expect one-off immediate successes to be common.  Just because your hot friend met someone great in one week doesn’t mean you will.

Dating apps are a supplemental way to meet others outside your routine, daily life. Dating apps are merely introduction apps, you date offline. It doesn’t matter what you are in real life if you don’t know how to effectively market yourself online.

Don’t use apps like food order apps – you can’t expedite the process to find love, you still have to date, still have to be patient and still need to learn how to screen people.

Bad dates are inevitable, but they help you get closer to what you seek if you know what you want and are willing to put in the work.

Related read: Online dating vs offline dating (online dating vs real life)

 

Why Dating Apps Don’t Work For Guys: Online Dating Is Pointless, Waste Of Time For Guys

Many guys make the mistake of creating a profile without putting much effort into it. Would you send a resume with typos to your dream job?

Creating a great dating profile takes time. It requires patience, self-awareness, realistic expectations and most importantly knowledge of dating app user bases. It’s always better to invest in yourself and your profile rather than pay for boosts that don’t work for most guys.

Some apps have high male to female ratios while apps like Bumble require great photos, bios and captions since men cannot message first. Other apps tend to fair better for short guys while other apps are best for more quirky, artsy and non-mainstream men.

Even if you are an attractive guy, you can still do miserable on dating apps. Photos and profiles that worked on Tinder in your 20s may not work on Hinge and Bumble in your 30s.

Having a great profile and photos means nothing if you don’t know how to send a first intro message to a girl or if you just send likes without comments.

Read this post to see if you are optimizing on all fronts with respect to your dating efforts.

Related read: Modern Dating Sucks, Modern Dating Is Toxic

 

Why You Should Quit Online Dating: Quitting Dating Apps, Taking A Break From Dating Apps

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Spending more time on apps, downloading more apps, paying for apps and updating your profile may not yield any improvement with online dating.

Having success with dating apps requires knowledge, focus, patience, awareness, and self-improvement.

If you spend too much time on dating apps and pouring your entire self-worth into it, it can affect others parts of your life.

If you don’t get proper help from an experienced, trusted professional don’t continue down the dark path of despair. It’s not worth it. It can lead to depression quite quickly, easily.

Related read: Psychological Effects Of Online Dating

 

Is Online Dating For Losers? Is It Pathetic To Use Online Dating?

No, but it can feel like that because lots of people have awful profiles, photos. Rather than focus on those that you don’t care about, focus on those who put in the effort and are worth it.

The great catches get snatched up quick on dating apps so if you are not seeing results, take a break, work on yourself and get some independent feedback on your photos, profile, app choice etc.

Friends and family can be biased so seek out help from a stranger who will be brutally honest and see you like someone on the app would.

Typically, losers are the ones that message the most, are the most forward and most visible. If you want to avoid losers, learn to analyze profiles, ignore people who don’t share your values and priorities and clearly have not read your profile. Don’t expect apps or guys to out themselves for you.

Related read: Online Dating Stigma

 

Can’t Find Anyone On Dating Apps, Not Attracted To Anyone On Dating Sites

It could be you are too picky. It could be your photos are bad or your profile is lazy. It could be that you are stuck in the Hinge algorithm bug. It could be your don’t know how to screen profiles nor read people.

It could be you don’t know what you want or you are on the wrong apps or your photos signal things differently than what you seek. It could be your filters are different from those you are attracted to.

It could be you live in an area with unattractive people. Not being attracted to anyone on dating apps is common, especially when algorithms dictate who you see. It pays to be patient and work on yourself and your profile. Not being attracted to anyone on dating sites can also be due to app choice, unrealistic expectations or your area and demographics.

Related read: Dating App Hobbies & Interests To Attract Others

 

Image Consultant: Wardrobe, Social Skills & Lifestyle

Eddie is an image consultant in San Francisco with clients in NYC, LA, and beyond. He assists clients w/ fashion sense, social skills, hobbies & interests, etiquette, being more approachable around others & making friends.

Problem With Dating Apps: Why Do Dating Apps Suck, Dating Apps Are Toxic, Broken

Dating apps are not ordering apps. They require effort. If you are looking to dabble part-time or just see what is out there, you are not doing it right.

You get out what you put in. Even then, many people can be biased, have unrealistic expectations or lack self-awareness. With that said, the more you get left swiped by people you right swipe on, the less visible you will be.

It’s important to have realistic expectations, patience, great profile and make good lifestyle choices.

Related read: Dating Feels Like A Job

 

Why Am I Getting No Likes On Dating Apps, Hinge, Bumble, No Matches On Hinge, Bumble

It could be bad photos, it could be dark, distant or grainy photos, it could be too many selfies, it could be lack of smiles, interests, hobbies or approachability. It could be unrealistic expectations with age, distance or looks.

There are way too many unknowns to figure this out however troubleshooting all these items will get you closer to figure out the answer.

If you manage to get no likes nor matchs on apps after a few weeks, or months. Take a break. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Related read: Is Online Dating Worth It?

 

Why Am I Getting No Matches On Bumble, Hinge? Sick Of Dating Apps – I Hate Online Dating,

It could be the likes you are receiving are not from the people close to you, nearby or in your desired age ranges. It could be you are not patient (things take time).

It can take weeks, months for people to see your likes and vice-versa. If you want to learn how to get more matches on dating sites, read this post.

Related read: No Likes, No Matches On Hinge, Bumble

 

Can’t Find Love On Dating Apps: Bumble Sucks, Hinge Sucks, Tinder Is A Waste Of Time

Dating apps are merely introduction tools, not ordering apps. These things take time and if you don’t know how to screen profiles, read people, be patient, communicate boundaries and cut things off in situations where the other person clearly doesn’t want the same things as you, you should get off the apps.

 

Is Bumble A Waste Of Time? Why Online Dating Is Bad, Why Is Bumble So Bad?

Bumble sucks because the filters are not two-sided so people assume too much of others. Similarly, since all you can do is swipe right (unless send comments on Hinge), people tend to swipe right more on Bumble. This creates a bad user experiences because men swipe right more, women get bombarded and then women in turn message fewer matches. Bumble also sucks because cheating is encouraged thanks to Incognito Mode.

Bumble is great for men who are attractive and in demand because they can just sit on their ass and wait for likes and messages to pour in without have to do much work. Bumble sucks for average guys as they can’t stand out through comments like with Hinge. Since women get more right swipes on Bumble, harder for men to be seen, get noticed. Women have more (but not always good/decent) options on Bumble.

 

Online Dating Preferences, Deal-breakers & Filters; Why Is It So Hard To Meet Someone Online

People are more selective on apps than they are in person. Some will go as to far as to explicitly say they don’t want ex body types, races, etc. Preferences are fine but seeing these things in bios all the time can be discouraging.

It’s harder to make a good first impression on a dating app with limited info, photos etc. Many people are not good at taking photos nor writing about themselves which is why jobs in these fields have sprouted in the last decade.

Related read: Dating App Preferences, Deal-Breakers & Pet Peeves

 

I Don’t Want To Go On Dating Apps: Why Are People Afraid Of Online Dating

That’s fine but these days, most people are meeting via dating apps and if you are not on them, you are missing out on a huge portion of people who are single looking to meet others like you.

This is more true now than ever during Covid. If you are not on dating apps, you are missing out on a large portion of the population.

Some people are afraid to be rejected or have privacy concerns. Others feel awkward while others are too embarrassed to join apps and have others seem them.

What the reason, not everyone is confident and able to brush off rejection and be able to approach dating apps with the thick skin, patience needed to succeed.

Related read: Online Dating Stigma

 

Online Dating Coaching For Men, Women

Help w/ swiping, timing, app choice, messages, filters, deal-breakers, paid features, screening profiles, reading people, ID'ing red flags/liars/time-wasters, date planning, & using dating apps more effectively & efficiently.

 

Are Dating Apps Ruining Dating? Dating Apps Are Destroying Dating, Dating App Frustration

In a way, yes, they are. They are training people with bad etiquette, manners and expectations. Most people think twice about going out and trying to meet people actively whereas with apps, many times, people are completely lazy and lack self-awareness.

Dating apps give people a false sense of hope in that they can do next to nothing and expect results. As a result, the few that actually put in work, don’t rely on apps 100% of the time, work on themselves and exert effort, patience, self-awareness and proper etiquette have higher chances for success.

Those with unhealthy attitudes and outlooks are more likely to become hermits, stop going offline to meet people and exert their frustrations and displeasure with people online as a result. If you know how to ID red flags, screen people and cut off time wasters, this shouldn’t be an issue.

 

What Is Online Dating Like For A Man, Online Dating Sucks For Men

List of mistakes and self-sabotaging efforts men inflict on themselves.

 

Are Guys On Dating Apps Looking For Relationships?

Some are, some are not. Read this.

 

What To Do When Online Dating Doesn’t Work, Dating Apps Are Not Working For Me

Read this.

 

Why Is Online Dating So Hard In Your 20s? Why Is Online Dating So Hard In Your 30s? 40s?

That is because most guys in their 20s lack social skills, communication skills as well as confidence, hobbies, interests, style etc. to stand out. They are too shy and insecure. Women like confidence and that typically comes with age, looks, practice and experience.

When it comes to using dating apps in your 30s, things can become tricky. What worked in your 20s may not work in your 30s. For guys, you might come off as too immature. For women, many guys lose interest in women with age. There are significant drop off at 25, 30 and 35. 

As for using online dating in your 40s, you will likely encounter lots of divorced folks who don’t have time to meet others offline, have kids, might be jaded and either lack relationship skills.

These are overly generalized comments, but this is what you can expect on apps in different age groups.

Funny Female Dating Profile Examples

 

Are Dating Sites Full Of Narcissists? Is Online Dating A Cesspool for Narcissists?

It certainly can feel that way depending on your app choice. There will be ebbs and flows, be patient, swipe left to avoid narcissists. Don’t get distracted by people you are not interested in. If you find there are lots of narcissists posting their IG in their profiles, feel free to report them on the app.

Related read: Narcissists On Dating Apps

 

Why Are Married Men On Dating Sites, Why Do Guys In Relationships Go On Tinder

Related read: Married Men On Dating Apps

 

Why Do Dating Sites Never Work? Lonely But Hate Online Dating

All it takes is one. Past results are not always the best indicator for future success. Everyone is different. Over time people put in less effort, become more jaded and lose hope.

Not everyone is ready to date. It’s up to you to unmatch and move on from time wasters. Similarly, people have off days, people behave differently based on day of the week, location of first date and vibes you put off. Being lonely is the worst reason to date, you should be prepared to give if yourself and share your life. It’s about giving, not just taking from others.

Optimize the variables that you control and influence, and don’t worry about the rest. Dress up, smell good, be enthusiastic, be present, learn to communicate well, be transparent, be vulnerable, be yourself.

A good first date can mean that you realize that you don’t want to waste your time with said person, and that can be a good thing.

At the end of the day, you attract who you are, not what you seek. Dating Apps are merely a tool and definitely not needed to meet others. Not everyone is on dating apps but at the same time, don’t dismiss them prematurely until you know are not self-sabotaging your efforts, using the wrong apps or are using them ineffectively.

Have Dating Apps Gotten Worse? I Want To Date But Hate Dating Apps, Quitting Dating Apps

In a word, yes. Partly because of monetization and growth focus of companies, partly because Match Group is acquiring companies, partly because of the ease to created multiple accounts and lie on apps.

Related read: Online Dating Monetization

 

Why You Shouldn’t Pay For Dating Apps, Why You Shouldn’t Pay For Dating Sites

In most cases, paying for dating apps is like taking out ads for a sub-par product. Invest in yourself first – exercise, eat well, expand hobbies, see a therapist, practice social skills, get better photos before you even think about paying for dating apps. More on this here.

Read: Self-Sabotage On Dating Apps For Men  |  For Women

 

Worst Dating Apps, What Dating Apps To Avoid, Worst Dating Apps 2023, Dating Apps Are Trash

Bumble is the most competitive. Any app that sounds sketchy or too specific, avoid it i.e. elite singles, eharmony, farmers only, millionaire match

Why Is Online Dating So Hard For Women, Why Dating Apps Don’t Work For Women

Ask any guy and they will tell you that online dating is easier for women. They receive more likes and matches and don’t have to deal with the unbalanced gender ratios on dating apps which can exceed 3:1 in some demographics.

Sure that is great and all but men will conveniently leave things out like the number of men who lie about height, age, martial status, employment, intentions and appearance. Sure women do this but not nearly as often as men. 

They will also conveniently leave out all the awful things women experience on apps – harassment, sexual assault, stalking etc. 

Thanks to gender ratios, men will send out more likes that are not authentic/intentional just to adopt the volume approach.

Until men have to worry about their safety, they have no right to say they have it worst. After all, gender ratios are a lame excuse to fall back on all the time when you are self-sabotaging your efforts through hygiene, grooming, wardrobe, social skills, communication skills, lifestyle choices, lack of friends, low-effort dating profiles and cringy behavior.

About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He helps w/ profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & offline efforts.