Dating app usage is at an all-time high. Chance are you folks, elderly neighbors or other people who swore them off in the past are on them now. However, dating apps are not for everyone and even if you do decide to give dating apps a try, you should never abandon trying to meet people in real life.
Even if you meet online, you still have to communicate, plan dates, have conversations, read body language, take risks, be vulnerable etc. – all skills you need to practice offline. Dating is not about which method is better, but rather using each outlet strategically, effectively.
Whether it’s privacy concerns, remote location or fatigue from dating apps, people get frustrated and give up on dating apps all the time. Some people fail to grasp social aspects including first impressions, timing, conversations skills, good photos, strategy and awareness of what apps are best for their demographics.
Below are some tips on what to do instead of dating apps, how to meet people using other tools and offline, in the wild.
Is Online Dating The Only Way To Meet Someone? What To Do Instead Of Dating Apps
No, far from it. Online dating is just one way to meet someone. You can meet people through activities, friends, social interactions, events or at a bar, cafe or class. Learn how to date without apps (how to meet someone without dating apps). Here are some tips to meet people without online dating and other dating app alternatives to meet people organically, offline.
Related read: How To Meet People In Real Life (How To Meet Someone Without Online Dating, Alternatives To Dating Apps)
Alternatives To Online Dating: Can You Meet Someone Without Online Dating? Alternatives To Dating Sites, How To Meet Someone Without Dating Apps
Online dating is not so much a shortcut as it is another channel. Alternative to online dating are key not just for dating but for maintaining a healthy, social, active life.
It requires time to messages, etiquette to be responsive and thoughtful and demands that you take it seriously and be honest about your intent.
More importantly, it is necessary to have self-awareness to have any chance of success. This means being honest with your age, deal-breakers, app choice, photos, bios, smiles, wardrobe, appearance, location etc.
As an online dating consultant, I always tell clients never to abandon offline channels (friends, events, classes, social functions etc.). You will never know who you might at any given time.
Dating app usage should be limited to 3 times a week, 20 minutes a day early on. Using too many apps too quickly is not a good idea. Your ability to make a good first impression in the first 72 hours of your dating profile being created is minimized if you start off using bad photos, lazy bios and poor prompts.
One of my favorite quotes is from Professor Dean Ellis, USC – Never turn down an invitation, to meet up with someone, you’ll never know who you might meet whether it’s a friend, colleague, business partner, or spouse.
Related read: How To Look More Photogenic, Approachable
What To Do When Online Dating Doesn’t Work – What To Do Instead Of Online Dating, Alternatives To Dating Apps, What To Dating When Dating Apps Don’t Work
No one tip is 100% certain; applying all the tips may not work right away. Over time, with practice and persistence you can start to meet people if you are genuine, approachable and interesting.
Similarly, dating apps are merely a channel, many people who don’t have success on dating apps may have characteristics that might make it hard to meet people offline as well.
It’s important to be mentally, emotionally available as well as ready to be open and giving of yourself. Those are have trust issues or not in a good place should not expect to have someone lift them out of their rut or be their everything (best friend, partner, mentor, spiritual leader etc).
It’s likely you have spent enough time on dating apps to give up on them or at least take a break so here are some ways to reset your life and increase opportunities to meet others offline.
Related read: Online Dating Sucks
Date Without Apps: Keep Busy, Catch Up On World, Local Events, Travel (How To Meet Someone Without Dating Sites)
First and foremost, you need to have things to talk about if you ever meet someone you are interested. Most people fail at keeping conversations going because they run out of things to talk about. Watch the news, read independent papers, listen to podcasts – have things to talk about.
The more you stay indoors and don’t try new things the harder it is going to be to start and keep up with conversations.
Whatever you need to do to source material from wherever you can to keep things lively, varied, fresh and relevant. If you don’t have the money to travel, that is fine. The best stories are from human connections and experiences not necessarily tied to how far you traveled or how much you spent.
Day trips and hikes, weekend roadtrips, or traveling to remote areas work. Research lists, go to places you have never been, talk to locals (they will never see you again), ask for tips, wander aimlessly.
Dress with a Purpose, Style. Dress For The Person You Want To Attract
Instead of wearing what is comfortable or easy for you, mix it up a little. Your body is a canvas full of space for opportunity when it comes to drawing eyeballs.
Wearing a t-shirt of a local brewery, travel destination, sports team, band etc. can oftentimes bridge the gap when trying to initiate conversation.
Add some flair – wear a nice scarf, get an interesting watch instead of a generic Apple Watch or sport some cool eyeglasses instead of your contacts.
Put some additional effort into your appearance – you’ll never know who you will meet and you don’t want to look sloppy or like a mess in case you do meet someone interesting by chance. Looking approachable is the first step in becoming approachable.
Make sure to your hygiene practices are not self-sabotaging your efforts.
Related read: What To Wear In Your Dating Photos
Dating Site Alternatives, Alternatives To Dating Apps – Meet Through Friends And Friends Of Friends
Talk to people even if you barely know them. Meeting someone in common accelerates the validation process. Even if you are not interested in said person, they might be a good connector or have friends you are interested in meeting.
House parties are great for meeting people as they are filled with two degrees of separation and trying to figure out how people know each other is a great way to build relationships.
Related read: Online vs Offline Dating
Dating Profile Critique For Men & Women: Dating Profile Review (Hinge, Bumble)
App Choice, Photo Order, Photo Critique, Bios + Prompts + Photo Captions, Wardrobe Feedback, Grooming Suggestions, Clothing & Hairstyle Recommendations, Body Language, Smiles, Facial Expressions, Hobbies, Interests, Lifestyle Choices, Etiquette & More For Men & Women.
-As seen in the NYT, WSJ, AskMen, Women's Health & More
Volunteer, Find People With Similar Hobbies, Passions
Volunteering at nursing homes is a great start. Many people do not have as frequent visitors as one would like. Making a difference and doing a great deed while overcoming your fear or speech can be a mutually beneficial relationship.
Check job boards, Craigslist, newspaper ads, non-profits, park and recreation websites, event calendars and more for one off or recurring opportunities to volunteer with seniors.
Volunteering with a cause you care about is another way to meet people with similar interests. Whether your passion is education, food, nature, homelessness, environment etc, find a group, venue or organization that is looking for volunteers.
If there isn’t available opportunities, start your own volunteer cause. It’s much easier to talk to others even strangers over something you both have in common.
Make sure you volunteer at a regular cadence so you can build familiarity vs. doing something one off (which can work for holiday and religious purposes).
Become A Regular At A Cafe, Bar, Park
It can be a bar, cafe, restaurant, park, grocery store, local venue – doesn’t matter. I get approached by people who recognize not by my work but rather just being a regular.
Talking to bartenders and patrons next to me makes it easier to strike up conversations down the road.
Group Activities, Classes, Meetups, Co-Ed Sports
Join a gym, take a class, research alumni events in your area, join activities with colleagues at work, ask friends for help with meeting people in your area, look for meetups, join a sports league or get a dog instead of a cat so you force yourself to go outside more.
Explore Craigslist, school boards, company intranet, Nextdoor or neighborhood Facebook groups.
While these are easier said than done, many of these are easier to do in bigger towns and cities. Sometimes getting a fresh breath of air can force you socialize than if you stay where you grew up and never left.
Sit At Communal Tables & Bars
Avoid booths, corner seats, backs to people. Open up. Ask for a menu, ask if someone is sitting at the free seat. Talk to the bartender. Ask for recommendations even if you have an idea of what to order (be sure to be specific, what you like, don’t like, curious about).
If you sit at communal areas, someone will likely ask to see a menu, ask about what you are drinking (if it is interesting), ask to watch their stuff (if you dress well and are non-threatening) or might ask to take a photo if they are celebrating something.
Work From Coffee Shops and Co-Working Spaces
Take a break from the office or home office, sit in places with other people. Have cool, fucking stickers on your laptop. Ask someone for the wifi password even if you know it.
Ask someone to watch your stuff as you go order something from the cashier or go to the restroom (but don’t take too long).
Do Your Own Chores – Groceries, Laundry, Errands
The more you rely on apps the less human contact you will have and the fewer opportunities you will have to meet others. Delete apps, order in person, talk to service folks, wait in line.
Take out the airpods from your ears! They make you unapproachable and douchey.
Get Out There, Do Something Different; Do Something On Your Own, For Yourself
Change things up when it comes to routes you take to/from work, neighborhoods you hang out at, places you frequent etc. Research places to explore and use those as a guide to navigate new parts of your hometown.
Don’t be self-conscious about going out on your own. Go out to dinner by yourself. Go to a bar or jazz club by yourself. Grab dinner at the bar.
You may have to share a table with another single, you might have to rely on someone for information or advice rather than a friend or your phone, you may actually have to talk to someone you don’t know for a change.
Be confident in your own skin – ACT LIKE YOU BELONG!
Get A Dog, Companion – How To Meet Someone With Dating Apps
It’s so easy to strike up a conversation with someone if you have a dog. It gives the other person a perfectly normal excuse to strike up something to say without seeming like a come on. It also will force you to leave the house more often and socialize with others. It will also help you exercise more.
I Hate Online Dating: Why You Shouldn’t Use Dating Apps. Dating Apps Suck
If you spend enough time on dating apps with no success, it can affect your mental health. Dating apps can help your dating efforts but it’s not necessarily easier than meeting people offline. Both require a unique set of skills, patience, self-awareness and strategy to have any type of success. Read: dating apps suck.
Dating App Fatigue, Burn Out: Tired Of Swiping
It happens, people can get tired of flakes, bot, spammers, manipulators, immature people, narcissists – you name it. Rather than continue to subject yourself to torture, take a break.
There is always room for improvement but not everyone wants to subject themselves to brutal honesty whether it’s hurdles with height, appearance, location, expectations, urgency, preferences, deal-breakers etc.
Dating coaches can help you unlock these blocks but not everyone is willing to put in the work or is in a good place mentally to be ready to act on all the items suggested.
Related read: Taking A Break From Dating Apps
Professional Matchmaking Services – Are Matchmakers Worth It? Offline Dating Agency
For those that like their privacy or don’t have time to date on their own, there are professional dating services and matchmakers. These can be costly and at times ineffective if you don’t do your homework. Read up on this post about pros and cons of matchmakers.
Online Dating Ghostwriter – Should I Hire An Online Dating Profile Writing Service?
Professional writing services tend to use generic lines that people have heard over and over again.
Alternative Dating App: Dating App For Geeks, Nerds, Introverts & Shy People, Dating Apps For Alternative Lifestyles
If you find Hinge and Bumble too mainstream, you might want to give OkCupid a try. It’s a more independent, quirky app for gamers, introverts, artists and homebodies.
How Do I Meet Men Without Online Dating, How Do I Meet Girls Without Dating Sites, How To Meet Someone Without Online Dating 2021, How To Meet Guys Without Online Dating, How To Meet Girls Without Dating Apps
Go to the places that attract the type of people you want to meet. Don’t go to places your friends drag you to. Be selfish, make new friends and do the things and visit the places you want to explore.
Final Thoughts – What Can I Do Instead Of Online Dating? Offline Dating Services, Dating App Alternatives, How To Meet People Without Dating Apps, Online Dating Services
Taking baby steps is an important way to start to meet people. While much of the planning and preparation to be able to be ready to increase your chances for this can take place online, you have to practice leaving the home to maximize your chances for success.
Expanding your passions, interests, curiosities coupled with maximizing your time outside and in public places will help bridge the gap to meeting people even if are not the first to engage in conversation.
Will going to one Meetup, two volunteer events make a difference? Possibly not but over time getting yourself out there will move you closer to meeting new people.
If you are looking for dating apps that don’t require an email nor phone number, you shouldn’t be dating. What are you hiding?
Related read: Online Dating Services
Dating Coach Services - Men & Women
First date ideas, wardrobe styling, places to meet singles, where to sit at bars & restaurants, body language, vocal intonation, eye contact, conversation skills, how to be more approachable, conversation starters, grooming, hygiene, hair, wardrobe, style, hobbies, lifestyle choices, uncovering blindspots, reducing biases and more.
Clients from NYC, LA, Chicago, Washington DC, Silicon Valley, San Francisco, Boston, Austin, Seattle, London, Sydney & beyond. As seen in the NYT, WSJ, AskMen, Women's Health, Forbes & More
Related Reading: Alternatives To Dating Apps, How To Meet Someone Without Online Dating, Online Dating Alternatives, Offline Dating Options, How To Date Without Apps, What To Do Instead Of Dating Apps
How To Meet People In Real Life: https://eddie-hernandez.com/how-to-meet-people-irl/
Never Stop Meeting People Offline: https://eddie-hernandez.com/never-stop-meeting-people-offline/
Dating in San Francisco: https://eddie-hernandez.com/dating-in-san-francisco/
Online Dating Safety, Verification: https://eddie-hernandez.com/online-dating-profile-background-checks/
Dating Apps That Are Better Than Tinder: https://eddie-hernandez.com/best-dating-apps/
Online Dating Doesn’t Work For Me: How To Be Successful With Online Dating
Online Dating vs Matchmaking Services: https://eddie-hernandez.com/dating-apps-vs-matchmakers/
Tawkify Reviews: https://eddie-hernandez.com/tawkify-reviews/
Dating Apps Suck (Tired Of Dating Apps)
Is Online Dating Worth It (Should You Quit Dating Apps, Is Online Dating Worth It For Guys
For those that are seeking specific places, opportunities for meeting people offline, I offer tips during online dating photo shoots. These shoots are natural, relaxed and taken like a friend would if he/she was good with a camera. Based in San Francisco but travel regularly to NYC, LA, Chicago and overseas.
How Do You Date If You Hate Dating Apps, Online Dating Makes Me Feel Hopeless, I Hate Dating Apps But Want A Relationship, How Do You Meet People If You Hate Dating Apps, Dating Without Apps, Dating Without Online Dating
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a dating coach for men & women and a professional photographer based in San Francisco, servicing clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, Silicon Valley, London, Washington DC, Boston, Sydney and beyond as seen in the NYT, WSJ, SFGate, ABC7News, AskMen, Women's Health Magazine & more.
Former analytics professional and user of dating apps himself, he possesses unique insight into dating app algorithms, user behavior, first impressions and communication styles. He provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice, messaging, image consulting, date planning, screening profiles, ID'ing red flags, and offline tips for meeting people organically.
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