Pros And Cons Of Online Dating, Dating App Pros And Cons

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Dating apps are merely another tool for people to meet others outside their social circles, neighborhoods, routines and day to day life – they shouldn’t be used exclusively in lieu of meeting people offline. Online dating is a misnomer in itself, but using it in the manner that I set out will help to distinguish it from meeting people without the use of apps.

As a dating coach, I help people understand themselves, identify blind spots and help to improve weaknesses so they can have better success offline and online. I ask the tough questions about time, effort, focus, realistic expectations and patience that most people are quick to ignore.

I don’t have a preference for one method or another as everyone is different but I do recommend using all the available tools available to get what you want in life.

Related read: Is Online Dating Worth It? Online Dating Pros & Cons

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The skills needed to do well in person are needed on dating apps as well – approachability, communication skills, good grooming habits, basic manners, compatible lifestyle choices (religion, interests, hobbies, politics) as well as patience, timing, luck, self-awareness, emotional availability, honesty and vulnerability.

While people are more lonely, isolated, frustrated than ever due to Covid and larger macroeconimic and global issues, that doesn’t mean people are ready to date just because they load up a profile. There are plenty of loners, people seeking penpals, time-wasters, people testing out the waters, and people in relationships on dating apps these days.

The ability to screen profiles, read people, ask questions, be patient, ID red flags are needed now more than ever thanks to low self-esteem, scammers, regression in social skills during Covid and on-demand culture thanks to apps and technology.

Below is an oversimplified side by side comparision of dating apps vs offline dating.

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Sure, apps can accelerate introductions and sure you might find people online are more likely to lie about themselves but there will be pros and cons with each outlet and method. Playing up to your strengths but more so working on your blind spots and weaknesses is needed to stand out and have better success.

Related read: Online Dating 101

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Spend enough time on the apps and you will encounter some people who lie, misrepresent their current situation and intentions, or fail to put in the effort you require of others.

Too many people treat dating apps like ordering apps and hope to filter out all the inefficiencies, creeps, time-wasters and bad applies instantly – one can’t expect apps to do that for you.

Dating apps should be viewed like introduction tools – it’s up to you to do your own due diligence, ask questions, be patient, use good judgment, go on dates and get to know people. You can’t expect to strike gold instantly and you shouldn’t overlook empty bios, incomplete answers on dating profiles.

Often, people will pre-qualify people too soon before they get to know them. Sure you might think you know someone sooner because of dating apps but that is all self-selected info. Background checks and screening processes are ongoing, not something you do one. It’s easy to be anonymous, be someone you are not online.

While you might have more available people to choose from on dating apps, there is an old saying – the odds are good but the goods are odd. Likes and matches mean nothing without sustained effort and action. Reading too much into these low-effort actions is a key mistake people make in addition to overly investing themselves in someone they hardly know or have yet to meet.

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Read this.

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When you meet people in person, you can observe things like height, smell, body language, eye contact and communication skills rather easily and quickly. You can save yourself time by analyzing people in person, in real-time. With dating apps, you have to wait and invest time until you meet someone in the flesh.

The common reason people use for dating apps is that they are too busy or can’t meet anyone offline. I would argue that if you are too busy to meet people organically, you are not going to have time to use apps. Similarly, would you approach you if you saw yourself out in the wild?

Learning to dress well, smile, take off your airpods, get off your phone and be approachable is recommended to meet more people offline. Rather than work from home, work from a cafe every so often. Rather than order take out, grab a quick bite at a local restaurant, even if it means going alone (just sit at the bar).

Dress for the people you want to attract, and go to the places that attract the type of people you want to meet. Join teams, take classes, smile, be friendly and learn to make small talk. Social skills can set you apart easily in real-time more so than dating apps that can limit your offerings and personalities into a two-dimensional profile.

Related read: Alternatives To Online Dating

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The truth is, there are ebbs and flows within each. Too many people try to start dating without having realistic expectations about themselves and their situations. Dating requires work, effort and focus whether you use apps or try to meet people offline.

Exercising, eating well, fostering social circles, expanding hobbies, deepening interests, making small talk, being happy on your own are all required to improve your chances for success on dating apps. If you are not happy alone, being single, you are not going to be happy with someone else. You can’t expect someone to fill in the gaps of issues you are struggling with.

Furthermore, often people are afraid to get help with their dating profiles and dating lives. Sure, it’s better than nothing to ask Reddit and friends for help but these sources can be misguided (different audiences) or super biased about your efforts. Not too many people close to you are willing to be brutally honest. A lot of people on Reddit can be jaded and bitter.

If you are shy, sure dating apps might land you matches and a few dates but if you are not working on the underlying skills, you might be doing yourself a disservice by going on bad dates, ignoring red flags, getting ghosted more often or failing to be yourself on dates.

Online dating can often present a false sense of security or improvement but anyone can game systems and fool themselves thinking they are doing better than they actually are. 

Related read: How To Do Dating Apps Successfully

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There is no reason you can’t or shouldn’t use both. Sure it’s expensive, takes time and frustrating but there are benefits of each and they can often complement each other. Apps can help you meet people who you might not normally meet otherwise. Real life allows you to showcase yourself in real-time without filters.

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Once you meet in person, it shouldn’t matter whether you meet offline on online. The same skills are needed to screen people, use good judgment, ask questions, have good communication skills.

Related read: Online dating sucks

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It can be but it depends on your location, lifestyle, personality, photos, writing skills, self-awareness, and availability.

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It can be, especially if you don’t know how to ID red flags, lack the ability to use good judgment, are depressed or are susceptible to love-bombing.