Married Men On Bumble, Hinge, Tinder; Why Do Men In Relationships Use Dating Sites, Caught Boyfriend On Dating App

Dating apps these days are a mess. They were never perfect, but they worked reasonably well 5-10 years ago if you had self-awareness, knew how to screen profiles & read people, and used them sparingly in addition to other offline efforts. There were fewer apps back in the day, profiles required more information and opportunities to hide profiles were very limited.

Thanks to Covid, WFH, isolation, scams, and loneliness, people are using apps at record levels and some are using them exclusively to meet others offline. At the same time, the amount of people who are exploring ENM (ethically non-monogamous relationships) are also on the rise, which can muddy the online dating waters.

 

Why Do People Use Dating Apps? Reasons For Joining Dating Sites

Most people assume dating apps are for single people looking to date, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure, some apps are designed to meet people for serious relationships, but not all are. These marketing efforts and descriptions offer up rather vague use cases for people, including:

Apps were always a tool for some scammers. Dating sites had the stigma of being used mostly by vulnerable demographics like older folks, inexperienced daters, those who are divorced/widowed, single parents or those going through bouts of mental health issues. These apps have become mainstream and the focus of these apps have expanded to focus as introduction apps.

 

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Why Do Married Men Use Dating Apps? Why Are Men In Relationships On Dating Sites? 

Married men on dating apps are becoming more and more common these days. Some men outright cheat on their spouses. Some men have don’t ask, don’t tell policies with their wives about relationships they have. Some men have open-relationships with their partners. The rise of ENM in modern dating culture has provided, in some cases, a shield for cheating as some men claim being on a dating app is not cheating.

For some women, they either are lied to, while others claim to not care given that the men they meet are in open-relationships. Sure, there are women in open-relationships on dating apps, but most are upfront about it and most don’t lie about it when asked. Some men will not tell women of their marital status if not asked about it (which is a poor excuse) and others may use the excuse of being separated.

There are many reasons why married men use dating apps but it’s up to you to ask questions, screen profiles, read people and do your own due diligence given that dating apps don’t screen profiles for marriages or other basic demographic info but also because some men lie in their profiles and to others in person.

 

How To Find My Husband/Boyfriend On Dating Apps? 

These days, it’s harder and harder to tell if someone is cheating on their spouse through the use of dating apps but there are a few ways to tell. 

  • Phone notifications: most dating apps alert users of likes, matches and messages.
  • Frequent business trips: some apps allow you to change location to mask profile from locals who might see you
  • App charges: apps need payment in order to use advanced filters like hiding profiles, changing location.
  • Dodgy behavior: some dating apps require occasional login-codes sent via text message.
  • Burner phones, work phones, Google voice: these provide alternative methods to verify identity to avoid using personal phone numbers. Facebook uses phone numbers to suggest friends on the platform

 

Reasons Why Married Men Use Dating Apps, Why Does My Husband Use Dating Sites? 

Even if you catch your boyfriend, partner, or spouse on a dating app, it doesn’t mean they are necessarily cheating but that is not an excuse for bad behavior. When caught, some men might use manipulative tactics to put the blame on their girlfriend, partner or spouse. Some excuses include they thought they were cheated on, they were not getting enough attention, or that they were looking for friends. 

 

Using Dating Apps To Find Friends, Bumble For Friends

For a while, Bumble had an in-app feature for networking and finding friends. These still exist but are not accessible via a stand-alone app. There is no need for users to use the dating app to find friends (they have been alerted often of this offering).

With that said, the friend features on apps like Bumble BFF are pretty awful for most straight men. In most cases, it’s guys trying to sell MLM schemes or gay men trying to lure straight men for sex. Using Bumble BFF as a straight man is the equivalent of a woman of using Tinder – usually gross interactions, photos, and intentions.

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How To Tell If A Man Is Married Online Dating, Signs A Man Is Married On Dating Apps

There are no ways to be certain if a man is married or not, but there are some possible ways to raise/reduce doubt. 

  • Phone number is not listed online.
  • Only sees you during work trips, weekdays.
  • Not available during holidays.
  • No information about him online (Linkedin, Instagam, Facebook)
  • Gave you a fake name or nickname.
  • Reverse image search his photos.
  • Uses Bumble travel mode.
  • Bumble location changes often
  • Uses Incognito mode on Bumble, Match.com
  • Has a burner phone
  • Has a tan line on his ring finger
  • Takes you out to dimly lit bars/restaurants only, sits in private booths/areas

There are other advanced ways to detect married men on dating apps but I don’t want to alert men on avoiding detection beyond more well-known means.

 

Percentage Of Married Men On Dating Apps, % Of Men On Dating Sites Who Are Married

These are two different questions, inquiries. I would argue that 3-5% of married men are on dating apps. Tinder and Bumble are the two most likely apps a married man is likely to use (with the 3rd being Grindr). However, if you ask Google, that number can be much higher.

 

Caught My Husband On A Dating App What To Do? Found My Husband’s Dating Site Profile

This really depends on what you want, how you wish to be treated going forward. Most husbands, when confronted, will play the blame game. Either they will blame you or blame an old profile they are trying to delete, or claim they are looking for friends. In less than 10% of situations, is there a reasonable excuse but even then, these excuses show poor behavior even if not cheating.

Some more elaborate excuses include setting up a profile to catch a friend’s spouse on the app or creating a profile to see if you are using dating apps. These cases are very distinct and should be handled depending on the nuance but most will require some therapy work, difficult conversations or excuses.

 

Found A Fake Dating Profile Of Me, Fake Bumble Profile Of Me, Fake Tinder Profile Of Me

In some cases, people will pull photos off the internet and create a fake profile. Either to resemble that person in all their likeness i.e. job, age, location etc. or to use in a different location.

 

About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He helps w/ profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & offline efforts.