Should You Mention You Have Kids In Your Profile? Is It Ok To Use Photos With Your Kids In Your Dating Photos?
With the growing number of people flocking to dating apps these days, online dating has gone mainstream. Platforms like Hinge, Bumble and Match.com have become popular among single parents, widowers and divorced adults. Dating in general can be challenging as is – shared custody schedules, practices, unexpected illnesses, field trips, games and finding a reliable babysitter.
Dating apps can seem super intuitive and easy to use and while setup is straightforward, best practices are still a struggle with folks attempting to position themselves for partners. A few photos and limited character bios is all that users have to tell their story making online dating a rather complicated affair.
When it comes to profiles of single, divorced parents on dating apps, one of the most commonly asked questions is whether to mention kids in one’s profiles and whether or not to include photos with your kids. There are many reasons why someone might choose to omit important details or leave profiles rather ambiguous but it’s these small details that can greatly affect how others decipher profiles.
Privacy On Dating Apps
When it comes to privacy on dating apps, many users take a cautious approach to displaying information about their lives, routines, jobs – safety is an important issue that should not go ignored. Catfishing, identity theft and desire to keep one’s private life well private, are all reasons for limiting the information you display about yourself, your life and your children.
Why Parents Use Photos With Their Kids
Some reasons why parents decide to include photos of their kids or with their kids fall under two buckets – 1) limited photos (all photos are with their kids, family); 2) parents want to convey that their kids are the single most important thing in their lives. Let me address the second point first. It should be understood that as a parent, your kids are your number one priority – this should not only be obvious but go without stating. If you feel compelled to convey this to possible suitors, it might suggest you have some doubt or reservations about trusting people or have a hard time screening folks who have other intentions. Users on dating apps need to develop skills needed to be patient, ask questions, analyze profiles and bios as well as read people offline and online.
Now for the first point, it is completely normal to have few photos as a single parent or recently divorced parent. If the photos you have are limited, it’s fine to use a few photos with your kids but remember your first order should be focusing on selling yourself in your profile. If you must use photos with your kids, limit them, blur out faces however it is best to use mostly photos of yourself, with friends and family or engaging in activities.
Why Parents Omit Information About Their Kids On Their Dating Profile
If you are on dating apps long enough, you will notice some rather ambiguous profiles on dating apps – people who post photos with nieces and nephews, folks who post photos with students or kids at orphanages, people who don’t caption their photos, users who don’t state whether they have kids in the drop down field and those etc.
One possible reason for this is user error – user quickly assembled profile and did not give these ambiguous details much thought (rare, but possible) and the second reason is most likely the case – those with kids don’t want to hurt their chances for matching with others (they think their kids to disqualify them from suitors). While this is completely understandable, it is misleading. I am always a proponent of being honest on profiles. With so much anonymity, lack of transparency on dating apps, giving anyone doubt about right off the bat by withholding information makes it hard to trust you and often times signals some insecurity about your situation.
Parents, like all users on dating apps, should feel comfortable and confident in their own skin and lives. Honesty is the best policy here. This is particularly true if you are looking for something serious. Leaving information out about your kids might increase the chances someone thinks you are not looking for anything serious. It’s often understood that users with limited profiles that are shallow and lack details are more than likely to be searching for a hookup or something casual vs those that put more effort, detail and completeness in profiles.
Etiquette Around Kids and Your Dating Profile
I recommend parents include a few details around their kids in their profiles. Mention you have kids, mention ages as well as how many you have. Some parents or even non parents prefer parents who have younger kids or those whose children are older. Being transparent is key here. Sharing information about your kids conveys your intention, life situation confidence in your situation. The other key thing to remember is to not sound negative in your profile i.e. ‘don’t message me if you don’t like kids.’ This is referred to as defensive language and can cause serious doubt about your ability to trust folks and give people a chance.
If you are hoping to hide your kids and then bring up this new piece of information several dates in, it can cause distrust and heartbreak. Be upfront and filter out folks right off the bat. Don’t waste your time playing games – you are a parent, your time is precious and you deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are.
About Eddie Hernandez
Eddie Hernandez is a professional photographer specializing in natural, candid online dating photos. Featured in the SFGate, ABC7News, East Bay Express, Salon; contributor to Good Men Project, Plenty Of Fish and Meddle. In addition to photos, he provides guidance around app choice, bio optimization, messaging techniques, wardrobe advice and date ideas. https://eddie-hernandez.com/contact/
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