Should I Hire A Matchmaker? What To Ask Your Matchmaker, Do Matchmakers Work? Pros & Cons Of Matchmaking Services

Many people are frustrated with lack of success on dating apps while others are concerned about privacy that they have begun to explore matchmakers as a possible alternative to meeting people offline. Shows like Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo and Indian Matchmaker on Netflix have popularized the industry and made it mainstream.

Before you get sucked into these high-powered sales pitches by people are contacting you at your most vulnerable time in your life, take a break, be patient and be sure to get the right info before investing your time and money.

Related read: Online vs Offline Dating – Which Is Best For Me?

 

Personal Matchmaking Services, Confidential, High End Matchmaking Services

As a dating consultant (featured in the NYTimes article below), I have helped clients navigate the dating waters whether it’s deciding between dating apps, screening matchmakers, improving offline dating skills and updating style.

Understanding the pros and cons, limitations of each service is key to increasing chances for success. Knowing the trade-offs being efficiency, privacy, cost and transparency is helpful to know before spreading thousands of dollars or wasting years of your life swiping mindlessly.

Related readDating In Silicon Valley | Seattle | Austin  | Los Angeles  | NYC

 

NYTimes-Matchmaker-Article

NYTimes-Matchmaker-Article

 

How Do Matchmaking Services Work? Are Matchmakers Effective? 

Every matchmaker is different in terms of monetization efforts with some charging men only, others charging women only wither others charging everyone they work with. Some matchmakers charge a flat fee while others charge a subscription.

Some matchmakers let you see the person’s photo, profile while others do not let you see the person until the date.

A number of matchmakers reach out to people directly offline, online or even on dating apps to get single people registered on their platform as a free member. This is done to create a supply side of single people from which they are recommended to paying clients.

Not everyone is single as it is hard to update records and sometimes single folks are asked to go on dates as favors for matchmakers to go on practice dates (whether the paying client knows about this is not known).

Some matchmakers require feedback on dates (paid customers) while others will not allow customers to cancel or not go on a date.

Matchmaking services can work but knowing what to expect, how to negotiate and how to approach them is key. Similarly, if you have unrealistic expectations, lack of patience, poor skill sets, bad hygiene, or are creepy, matchmaking services may not work for you.

Related read: Are You Ready To Date?

 

How Much Do Matchmakers Cost? Are Matchmakers Worth The Money? 

Fees can range from $2-$5k to upwards of $50k-$500k or more depending on specific preferences i.e. age, ethnicity, career etc. It’s not unheard of to have over the top requirements including bust size, waist, ethnicity, height, and more.

Some matchmakers charge a subscription fee and provide a certain number of dates per month. It’s best to review the fine print before you sign anything as legal recourse is hard to come by after the fact.

Depending on your time, availability, money etc. matchmakers can be a good investment. It’s the reason why wealthy people pay others to do things for them that they can do quicker, faster and cheaper (time is money for them).

Related read: Dating Apps For Career Professionals/Educated Professionals

 

Matchmakers Who To Trust? Matchmaking Services Reviews, How To Find A Matchmaker

Many matchmakers use internal services or more 3rd party services like Trustpilot. Trustpilot is a service that has come under the microscope for the nature of the reviews, you can read more about that here.

Yelp and Google are generally more trusted but even then there are a few things to keep in mind. Yelp reviews are more likely to be removed than Google reviews for various reasons (one should always read the filtered reviews on Yelp at the bottom).

It’s important to make sure services has an adequate number of reviews i.e. 25 or more and it’s also important to analyze the reviewers’ profiles to see if they seem suspicious (look at the example below).

Many offer generic, vague reviews while others are not even paid members and have a vastly different experience than what a paid customer would have. Others offer reviews based solely on singles mixers which again, offer no insight into actual matchmaking services.

A few provide false claims suggesting dates would be interested in relocating or traveling for dating when this is not the case. For this reason, matchmakers in smaller, remote areas should be approached with extreme caution.

Avoid ConsumerAffairs.com reviews!

Be sure to note the names on the reviewers, details/specifics (if any).

 

What To Know Before Signing A Contract With A Professional Matchmaker

Never rush to sign a contract. Terms are flexible, can be negotiated. Never assume what is discussed on the phone is legally binding – get everything in writing.

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Eddie is an image consultant in San Francisco with clients in NYC, LA, and beyond. He assists clients w/ fashion sense, social skills, hobbies & interests, etiquette, being more approachable around others & making friends.

What Kind Of People Hire Matchmakers? What Type Of Men Hire A Matchmaker?

The type of people you encounter with matchmakers are the same people leaving them 1-star reviews on Yelp. Do yourself a favor and go read some of them.

Yes, some matchmakers are more shady than others (some only advertise on radio and print to screen out people who would use the internet to find unfavorable reviews) but sometimes it’s user error that leads to frustration and lack of results.

Many people use matchmakers as ordering apps. Many are too busy to be bothered with going on dates, some have fetishes while others hate or are fearful of rejection in real life.

Many people use matchmakers beyond their matchmaking services for personal growth i.e. being brutally honest with them or for social connections i.e. getting invited to meetups.

Many of these people are looking for a unicorn of some sort through matchmakers and having this overly constrained and specific interest in a type of person is a bit weird in my opinion.

Matchmakers can be convenient if you are busy, have kids etc. but even then, dating requires you to be present so if you are bad at choosing good dates, that doesn’t mean matchmakers will screen for things you have a hard time filtering yourself.

 

How Do Matchmakers Find Clients?  What Do Matchmakers Look For? 

Matchmakers rely on finding clients on dating apps, other public review sites like Yelp and Google while some browse Linkedin and social media or post on local Facebook groups, Nextdoor, or online forums. They also attend singles events or pose as single people themselves on dating apps.

Matchmakers largely target those who have the means to afford them and struggle with dating. It’s possible to note who has been on single for a while through some research. If a matchmaker solicits you on a dating app, you can definitely report them to the app and get them kicked off.

Related read: Biggest Mistakes Women Make On Dating Apps

 

Questions Matchmakers Ask Clients? What Should I Tell My Matchmaker? 

Questions will range but typically be similar to those on dating apps. With that said, matchmakers are notorious for not divulging all the info to clients.

For example, if a woman wants a guy who is financially secure, taller than her and looking to have a family, the matchmaker may not disclose that the guy is not looking to have kids right away, is located far away, is still going through a divorce or wishes his is willing to convert to another religion.

See these dating profile templates to see what kind of questions are asked, but note not everyone is as exhaustive as they claim to be. If you wish to see some sample questionnaires some matchmakers ask clients, contact me for some samples.

 

Should You Hire A Matchmaker? Complaints About Matchmakers

Most complaints about matchmakers are around not fulfilling contracts i.e. # of dates, quality of the dates, recurring fees and subscriptions or inability to find dates who want to see them again. In some cases, men are asked about bust, waist sizes where women are not asked about preferences at all.

Matchmakers do not screen users so it’s possible to go on dates with married men as it is a discreet way to meet women without putting their profile out to the masses.

Others lie about their financial means or employment. In one case, a user in California claims to have married a man who already married and made off with half her wealth.

The biggest complaint is that many men on the services lack social skills, looks and are using matchmakers as a way to hookup with others by dangling marriage or long-term relationship possibilities.

Obviously everyone should be patient, ask questions and use good judgment but don’t assume these services are doing background checks or vouching for users personally.

These blind dates seem to be very hit or miss and if you can’t see your date ahead of time or know that their photos are recent, the desire to go on said dates diminishes it.

Related read: Biggest Mistakes Guys Make On Dating Sites 

 

Is Hiring A Matchmaker Worth It? Why You Should Use A Matchmaker

It certainly can be but likely for older guys with money who want to go on a date with a young woman that would not be interested in them otherwise.

Like dating apps, using matchmakers requires patience, self-awareness and realistic expectations.

Just because you pay someone a lot of money doesn’t mean others will find you attractive, desirable. Focusing too much on wealth, career, looks etc. is a sure way to get burned while dating.

The people who use matchmakers often have inflated egos, are narcissistic or treat people like a commodity on ordering apps and less like people. When you can only screen on physical traits, interpersonal traits are often ignored or downplayed.

Most services don’t and can’t value people on their soft skills, personality, ambition, and trustworthiness. Some matchmakers never meet their clients in person! Matchmakers are not miracle workers – you have to work on yourself, appearance, attitude, communication skills and emotional IQ.

I have done some informal matchmaking with clients I have worked with but I only introduce clients to others that I would introduce to friends, family, colleagues or people I know. I would have to vet the people thoroughly before making any such instructions.

Related read: Outsourcing Your Dating Life, Pros/Cons

 

Free Matchmaking Services, Affordable Matchmaking Service

Several matchmaking services offer free services to clients such as passive date arrangements. These are dates primarily with the paying customer in mind and no set number of dates promised.

It’s not a bad way to spread your reach but being a non-paid member means that your best interest in mind is not in focus all the time or at least not before the paid client.

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Professional Matchmaker Reviews, Ghostwriter Reviews, High End Dating Services Reviews, Matchmaker Comparisons

Most matchmakers use Trustpilot for their main review source. I do not trust Trustpilot reviews. Google and Yelp reviews are more in line with actual results but even then make sure there is a substantial number of reviews from people, with photos, full names from each account. 

Yelp actually filters reviews for people who are new to the site, don’t have many reviews, lack photos or activity on the site. Read these complaints about their practices here. You won’t look at their reviews the same way again. 

Quora on Trustpilot | Trustpilot Reviews | Trustpilot Analysis | BBC Trustpilot Watchdog Report

Reasons why you shouldn’t hire a matchmaker or ghostwriter. With that said, most success stories are not publicized for privacy reasons as there is still a stigma around using dating apps, matchmakers, etc. Take each review with a grain of salt.

Matchmaker Refunds – How To Get A Refund From A Matchmaker

Many matchmakers will offer a partial or full refund if you make a big stink i.e. Yelp/Google review, BBB complaint, talking to a journalist, writing a blog post that ranks high on SEO. With that said, it is best to have a direct conversation with your matchmaker. Outline your concerns and when in doubt, cite the contract for details.

 

About Eddie Hernandez

Eddie is a dating coach for men & women in San Francisco (clients in NYC, LA, Chicago, & beyond ), as seen in the NYT & Bumble). He helps w/ profiles, photos, wardrobe, messaging, date ideas, red flags, lifestyle choices, hobbies, grooming/hygiene, communication, social skills & offline efforts.