How To Describe Yourself On A Dating App – What To Write

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What you put in your dating profile may seem inconsequential to you, but it can significantly affect how others perceive you, it can offset great photos, and it can mean the difference whether someone swipes left on your profile or keeps scrolling down to learn more.

Sure, dating profile photos are important as the first thing people notice about you is your looks while browsing through dating apps, but what you write in your profile can often make or break you, especially if you are a guy. Given that men outnumber women on apps, it’s important to get every edge possible to separate yourself from the competition.

As for women, it might feel that no matter what you put in a profile, you will get bothered by creeps and those that don’t read your profile. You are correct, for the most part. You will learn why it’s important, why you shouldn’t overlook what you put in your profile, and how to attract more of what you want.

If you haven’t read my previous post on how to write dating profiles, you should read that now. It takes a holistic approach on the various components of what should be included in a dating profile, including the topic you are here to learn about – how to describe yourself on a dating profile.

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A dating profile contains information about yourself that is used by others to assess interest, common goals, intentions, lifestyle choices, availability, personality and character. The items in a dating profile will vary from service to service, but generally include:

-photos

-demographics (age, location, height, location etc)

-prompts (conversation starters used to facilitate writing about yourself)

-bio

-intentions, family planning, marital status, religion, politics and more

Within the dating profile bio, apps will vary how much space they give you, while others leave more to be desired. A dating profile bio is typically a free-form field in which a person can use to describe themselves and what they seek beyond what is implied in the form of questions and photos.

When writing a dating bio, I generally tell people to convey a few things including who you are, how you spend your time and what you seek, all while injecting some personality. The what you seek part or ‘what are you looking for’ aka ‘what brings you to the app’ can be relatively straight-forward, but the part we will focus on today is what to write about yourself.

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Writing about yourself can feel rather awkward, unnatural, and even a bit terrifying. People will often copy and paste things they have seen on the internet or from other dating profiles they have encountered. Some might even take the approach as if a friend wrote the profile on your behalf.

Some people will state what they don’t want or ask you to message them on a different service/communication channel to get off the app asap. Whatever the approach, how you write about yourself can reveal details that will not only encourage conversations but also provide a glimpse about how you view yourself, what you prioritize in life, what your communication style is and maybe what to expect in terms of personality.

The most insightful ways to talk about yourself on a dating app is to capture items from the following:

-who you are (as a person, as father/mother, as a provider, as a member to society, as a friend, as a partner etc.)

-how you spend your time (responsibilities, obligations, travel, schedule, availability, hobbies, interests, kids etc.)

-what you seek (type of relationship, urgency, family planning, personality,priorities, must-haves etc.)

-personality (this is the tough part as not everyone is witty, creative, funny nor honest).

These items give a good foundation to describe yourself to others so that they may be able to learn more about you and know whether or not they want to seek out additional information, continue communication or possibly meet up in person for a date.

Depending on the app, you may have to spill over on the prompts to get everything in, may have to be succinct to fit everything within the character limits or have to be thoughtful as to not duplicate what is covered in the form fields/questions i.e. age, height etc.

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The best way to talk about yourself is to be direct, be as specific as possible and to create an inviting tone. If your profile reads like a resume, one might assume you are boring and stiff. If your profile is super vague, you might come off as low-effort or cliche. If your profile is incomplete, it might suggest a lack of seriousness or authenticity. If your profile is brief, it will make it harder for others to engage with you.

Dating profiles should be detailed. For example, rather than say you like hiking, describe the type of hiker you are (casual vs serious hiker, quick short hikes for the Instagram photo or intense overnight remote hike-in camper).

If you love food, do you just like to eat at expensive restaurants of do you like to explore different cuisines and hole in the walls, do you eat purely for functionality, are you deathly allergic to certain foods or do you enjoy cooking at home).

If you love reading, what kinds of books do you read, who is your favorite author, what are you currently reading or where do you like to read. All of these items are merely examples and you may not be able to address all these questions in depth but the key here is to understand how to expand answers and provide context.

When it comes to tone and language, the words you use is important. The way you describe yourself doesn’t just convey facts but how you write enthusiasm, level of interest, how you view the world and what your energy level might be like in person.

Saying you like tacos doesn’t convey anything – everyone likes tacos or should otherwise something is wrong with them. Instead, you can talk about certain types of tacos, where you like to eat tacos etc. These items reveal more about where you spend your time, why you like tacos or what kind of eater you are.

Often, people try to focus on what they think is trendy, popular or a common interest rather than take risks about what makes them unique. Rather than say you like food, travel and sleeping-in, focus on the items that make you unique and interesting. Writing about things that are either implied or a popular opinion doesn’t do anything to tell others who you are and why you are different.

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Too many people would rather avoid deep, interpersonal information, and aspirations and would rather be funny, playful, coy or indirect. It’s not uncommon to use prompts that are light-hearted i.e.:

-as a kid, I was really into;

-my friends would describe me;

-swipe left if;

-it’s meant to be if;

While it’s good to show a not-so-serious side to yourself, some people overdo it and forget to include deal-breakers, must-have items, priorities and other serious items. You can’t assume people can read between the lines or should you expect others to take you seriously when you don’t appear to yourself.

Similarly, being too negative or stating what you don’t want may not yield the attention you seek. Just because you don’t want something doesn’t mean you want the exact opposite of said item. Stating what you don’t want can imply you don’t know how to filter for such items and hope others will do it for you. Typically, people who are positive and more upbeat attract more quality people.

Sure, no matter what you put in a dating profile you will get unwanted attention from creeps, weirdos, timewasters, narcissists and immature folks but ideally if you focus on what you do want and convey that in a positive light, you will invite more quality people that may have otherwise skipped you because you were too bitter, jaded or possibly burned too many times from bad choices and self-sabotage.

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In my coaching sessions, I will help you to identify words, structure, style and tone to convey yourself to others. One simply cannot copy and paste profiles and bios as photos, facial expressions, looks, background and personality all have to weighed together as context matters. Some people can get away with certain words, effort, brevity, style and tone.

Avoid using: nice guy, trustworthy, kind, etc.

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Don’t do this. Anyone can copy and paste a quote – there is no originality there. Similarly, quotes from friends are biased and mean nothing unless they are brutally honest and self-deprecating.

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Self-deprecating humor, when down well, is a great way to describe yourself on dating apps. Too many people are super cliche or go overboard, so balancing the right amount is key.

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People generally treat you the way you treat yourself, at best. When you truly respect yourself, and actually enforce your boundaries, it attracts those who will respect you and your boundaries. You can stop all creeps, a-holes, weirdos etc from contacting you but you can increase the number of quality men that notice you.

Related read: Are You Ready To Date

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Dating profiles are not just about facts but rather details. They tell people who you are, how you spend your time, what you seek and what kind of person you are. Without details, it’s hard to build a connection, evaluate effort, be different and provide conversation starters.

Yes, you will encounter a ton of low-effort dating profiles that don’t reveal much but who cares! You shouldn’t try to figure out time wasters or sink to their level but rather hold out on people worth your time and interest. 

We are talking about finding someone to spend your time with and invest in emotionally, physically, financially etc. This is not something you should take lightly unless you are interested in attracting clowns, narcissists, assholes, time wasters and incompatible folks.

Popular Blog Categories - Online Dating Tips

Bumble  |  Hinge  |  Coffee Meets Bagel  |  The League  |  Match.com  |  Tinder  |  OkCupid  |  Online Dating Photos  |  Dating Bios  |  Profile Prompts  |  Dating Profile Templates  |  Data  |  Etiquette  |  Dating App Reviews  |  Matchmakers  |  Premium Dating App Features  |  Cliche Dating Profiles  |  Dating As A (Blank)  |  Online Dating Safety  |  Mental Health  |  Offline Dating  |  Wardrobe  |  Men  |  Women  |  Ghosting  |  Catfishing  |  Date Ideas  |  Opening Lines 

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