Why Tinder Super Likes Are Super Creepy
Back in 2016, Tinder rolled out a new feature called the “Super-Like” to allow people to separate themselves from others in an effort to show you are really interested in them vs casually swiping right. The idea here was to allow the other person to know you are interested before he/she swipes on left or right on you. Less than 2 years later, Bumble copied that same feature with a “Super-Swipe”. A great podcast with Head of Product OkCupid highlights the bystanders view of such behavior.
On the surface it seems like a good idea but ask any woman and you will probably get a neutral or otherwise unfavorable view of the feature. The idea is based off the fact that many guys swipe right on anything with a pulse and while that might be true, it doesn’t change the fact that it seems like an overly eager an aggressive move. A popular cringeworthy term used by millennials is ‘Thirsty’
A super-like will not offset the fact that you have bad, unflattering photos, improper grammar, suspect photos with possible exes, a barrage of selfies or photos with sunglasses or very dark, cryptic and weird photos. Instead of paying money for a feature like super-likes, use the money if not the time to swipe right more efficiently and work on your profile. If your profile is not that interesting to begin with, a super-like will delay the inevitable left swipe. Also, it is unknown whether a super-like came from a once a day free product feature or if someone has a paid subscription to a 5 a day offer. Who wants to be the 5th person a suitor pursues at a bar in one night?
As an online dating photographer, I always try to draw the analogy of online behavior to offline equivalent. In this case, a super-like could be equated with a guy running up to a girl at a bar and saying “I love you” before having the chance to flirt, make-eye contact or even make the other person aware of their very existence.
Perhaps some girls need or want that extra attention or confirmation before swiping left or right but for the average woman, it makes no difference and can even be offsetting. If I were a woman, I would feel super weirded out if a guy seems super interested in me but knew nothing about me other that a few photos and a few hundred characters. I would perceive the guy as trying to hard. I am definitely not advocating for guys to be even more lazy nor express less interest in a girl but what I am saying is that you should not ignore other aspects of your profile.
My general approach to online dating or meeting people offline for that matter is to focus less on the external stuff you cannot control and focus on yourself first. Focus on ways to distinguish yourself, perhaps a well-crafted, thoughtful message vs the exact same thing others are doing — super-like. Save the super-like for later once you get to know someone after at least one date.
Lastly, do not waste your money on Tinder Boosts. It is a waste of money. Yes, it increases your visibility to others but it is temporary. You are better off improving your bio and photos to improve your ELO score organically than through a boost. Similarly do not get Tinder Gold. More matches seems like a good thing on the surface but teaching people patience and not getting their hopes up too high is a good thing.
Along the same note, Bumble’s extend can have some advantages. Boost members can initiate unlimited extends on matches which is a bit overkill and eager. You shouldn’t need to use it that many times. The once a day daily extend is just enough to extend a match another 24 hours in case that person you matched with does not have time to initiate a message. This happens. 24 hours is a rather short time to interact with matches and no one wants to seem desperate or too eager.
For help with dating app questions (i.e. how to select photos, which apps to use, when/how to messages matches etc.) check out my Frequently Asked Questions page or contact me directly here for a consultation.