Dating Tips For Women Seeking Relationships, Modern Dating Rules For Women, Dating Don’ts For Ladies, Dating Blog For Women, Female Dating Advice
Dating is brutal these days. It’s harder now than ever before thanks to lack of etiquette, common sense, ambitious communication channels and expectations, endless options, bad dating advice, echo chambers, isolation and loneliness and also cost of living and less free time than ever before.
There is a lot of bad, incomplete dating advice out there thanks to limited attention spans, media formats and focus on clickbait techniques. There is a reason why I choose writing as my format to deliver advice as there is not enough room for context and depth as with Tik-tok, Instagram and Buzzfeed-like channels for information and news.
There are numerous reasons why women may struggle with dating, and this article is aimed at those who are looking to evaluate more aspects around their lives, behaviors, biases and consequences of choices made.
1 – “Dating Down” Looking For Equals While Dating
This is definitely going to get attention but hear me out. When it comes to dating, guys typically don’t care as much when it comes to things like education, job, face, height, politics, religion etc. They are more superficial than that. Women typically look for equals with respect to job, education, socioeconomic status, their race or Caucasian and someone who is generally taller than them.
If you do the math, these preferences or deal-breakers drastically reduce the dating pool for women. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being picky, but if time is a factor for you, then something has to give. When you consider current trends in which women are outpacing men in advanced degrees, these ratios become pretty grim.
This great post (Women Need To Date Carpenters Like Men Date Yoga Instructors) goes into detail about preferences, deal-breakers and the implications (or consequences) of choices when it comes to being too picky. Unfortunately, this is a mindset that is hard to break because men have done this for generations and it will take generations for women to achieve this mindset and approach when it comes to maximizing their dating pool.
I am in no way suggesting that people should be categorized by job, education or similar factors, but they way society and dating and bucket people these days, it can be easy to prematurely filter people.
When it comes to age, men can date women 10-15 years younger than them, and this happens because there are women that date these men. Women typically set their age range about to their age (minus a couple years) or older and gradually loosen the criteria with age. If more women dated men their age or a few years younger than themselves earlier in their lives, women could increase their dating pool.
Dating down does not mean ignoring boundaries, values, or intentions. It means you re-evaluate preferences and deal-breakers to see which ones are flexible and which ones should be firm.
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-As seen in the NYT, Bumble & More-
2 – Being Too Trusting, Pre-Qualifying People Too Often, Too Quickly; Screening Profiles, Reading People
There is something to be said about being trusting, optimistic and giving people the benefit of the doubt. There is also something to being jaded, doing background checks and being cautious about others. I am not here to tell you which is best but to tell you that nothing can take the place of good judgment, asking questions, taking your time to get to know others and being cautiously optimistic early on when dating.
It’s great to be excited about meeting someone new whether it’s from an app, through a friend, or through a social function but there is a tendency to make a few mistakes: 1) assuming people are telling the truth and 2) extrapolating characteristics, values and intentions based on superficial data points gathered early on.
People exaggerate or flat out lie about themselves more often than not. For guys, these lies range from height, jobs, marital status, intentions, location and wealth. Similarly, some men will use their jobs, confidence, social skills, communication skills and charm to disarm women as they unleash manipulative tactics to let down their guard.
It’s important to take time to get to know others, ask questions and do simple background checks to reduce being taken advantage of. It’s not just what questions you ask but when. It’s also about how they answer the question, and not just the words used. In my coaching sessions I will provide questions that are subtle and used to get answers in cases with vague profiles, mysterious backgrounds, lack of availability and contradicting information.
The more you live a fulfilling life (friends, family, exercise, nutrition, mental health, job etc) the more likely you are to value your time and more likely you are to not go on dates that you are not excited about.
3 – Intentions, Timelines & Planning – Dating Advice For Women
Just because a guy says he wants a relationship in his dating profile doesn’t mean he wants it now or wants it with you necessarily. Similarly, just because he says he wants a kid or wants to have a family doesn’t mean he wants it in the next 2-5 years. One should never assume that both parties are on the same page – it’s a collaborative effort that requires both parties to be engaged, proactive and following through on plans.
It’s important to analyze behavior, actions and plans to see if they align with words. If a guy says he wants a family, what is he doing now to plan/prepare for that? Is he looking to move to the burbs, is he saving up money, is he being honest, transparent and direct in his plans? Is he introducing you to friends and family? Is he thinking ahead and making plans with you now, or putting you behind his job or setting vague timelines?
It’s easy to tell someone what they want to hear, but it’s more revealing when people disclose things proactively and put things in motion. Life can get messy and things come up all the time i.e. job loss, relocation, taking care of family members, health and finances. People can change their minds. It’s important to check in and see if you are both on the same page, rather than assume you are just because everything else seems to be going well.
Some people hate confrontation, get too comfortable in situations, or would rather maintain status quo rather than break up.
Learn to analyze behavior rather than settle for the things you want to hear. Do actions reinforce intentions? Are you in a relationship because of how they make you feel? Are you afraid to break up with someone because the thought of being single and starting over again feels like too much?
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4 – Surrounding Yourself With Too Many Cheerleaders
It’s great to have friends, and even better to have loyal friends you can count on, cheer you up and pick you up when you are down, however many women are missing friends that can be brutally honest with them.
Guys are typically raised to belittle and make fun of each other their entire lives and while I don’t think that is healthy or preferred way to go about growing up or treating others, it does provide a few benefits such as being honest without fear of hurting feelings or losing friendships.
Scenarios like this occur when women are afraid to give feedback to who their friends are dating or asking them for their thoughts on certain scenarios. If you surround yourself with cheerleaders who only say what you want to hear, that is not healthy nor productive. You need friends to call you out on your behavior and actions.
This is especially true if your friends are giving you bad dating advice or never had to struggle with dating themselves. Not everyone has the same intentions, timelines, preferences, deal-breakers or ability to screen profiles, read people and cut off time-wasters.
Getting objective advice and unbiased feedback can complement a great support system and social circles. Similarly, if you surround yourself with too many bitter/jaded women or friends who are in unhealthy relationships, it’s harder to recognize what health relationships look like.
5 – Being Proactive – Not Waiting Around To See Who Likes You First On Apps, Who Approaches You Offline
For some women, making a first move is either uncomfortable or just out of the question. They might prefer to see who makes the first move as an indicator to see who likes them, vs chasing guys who they are uncertain of. While that outlook is normal, it’s not efficient nor effective if you are trying to expedite dating.
Just because a guy likes you on apps, doesn’t mean he read your profile, agrees to your conditions or is interested in you. Similarly, your body language, tone or facial expressions could be turning away men who otherwise might be interested in you but think why bother because you are sending mixed signals. Some guys prefer to find a connection or reason to talk to you, whereas some manipulator will just bulldoze his way to get your attention.
Not every guy is comfortable making the first move these days, and I am not saying you should hit on guys at bars but there are plenty of ways to be subtle and indirect and create openings for guys to engage more often. Similarly, if you are spending time in places that don’t attract who you seek, you are wasting your time. This happens often when women hang out with the wrong women and social circles.
Guys typically are more comfortable being along, grabbing a drink/bite alone. Yes, safety is an issue but there are ways to be strategic about it. By being proactive, you can control the quality of conversations, introductions and situations where men talk to you rather than take your chances in random, public places where you make not want to engage.
You don’t have to make the first obvious move to get attention. You can create openings that allow men to introduce themselves, find a reason to talk to you. Sitting in booths, having your back to the rooms, sitting at isolated tables creates a moat of sorts for men. You don’t have to bend over backwards and do all the work but creating a small window of opportunity can be enough to get shy or thoughtful guys to say hello.
Online Dating Advice For Women
Screening Profiles, Red Flags, Why Don't Guys Reply, Low-Effort Messages, Overwhelmed With Matches, Signs He's Not Interested, What Your Dating Photos Signal, Coffee Dates As First Dates? Lying About Age, Putting 'No Hook-ups' In Your Profile & More
6 – First Date Tips For Women, First Date Advice For Women
-If you don’t feel comfortable going on a date, don’t go.
-Do a video chat and/or lookup the person online (does their info match their profile).
-Ask to meet at public spaces or do a daytime date if necessary.
-Don’t leave any drinks unattended, or avoid drink dates altogether.
-Don’t go to his place, don’t accept rides from strangers. Always have your own transportation plans.
-Share your location, date info with a trusted friend or family member.
-Screenshot profiles in case they try to block or unmatch.
-Keep communication on the apps until meeting (no need to exchange info until you meet).
-No need to send additional photos of yourself if asked. You should have a full body photos and close-ups already.
In my coaching sessions, I will help you to do your own background check, come up with questions to ask on first dates and develop tests to learn more about your dates and how they respond to situations.
7 – Best Places To Meet Men, How To Meet Single Men, Where To Meet Single Guys Without Dating Apps
In my coaching sessions I will analyze your lifestyle, personality and unique situation to come up with a variety of ways to optimize profiles, find organic ways to meet men, provide unbiased feedback on efforts to date and create natural openings for men to take notice of you.
Are We Dating The Same Guy Website, Are We Dating The Same Guy Facebook Group
Are we dating the same guy groups have sprouted over the years and they can be helpful in outing local bad apples but they can also be quite toxic as well. Use the groups sparingly and note that if a guy is not referenced on these sites that he is safe to date. Similarly, not all guys referenced in the group should be avoided.
In some cases ghosting is ok especially if the person doesn’t look like their photos. Similarly, mutual non-communication after a first date is not ghosting if there were no plans suggested or made for the future.
Modern Dating Advice For Women, Dating Tips For Women Seeking Relationships
When it comes to dating advice, nothing is black or white, it’s usually somewhere in the middle and knowing how to apply context and nuance in addition to taking out biases is key. Rather than stick with very specific rules or make broad assumptions, it’s important to understand details, nuance and context.
In my coaching sessions, I will do a deep dive on your life, career, personality, boundaries as well as dating behaviors, experiences and biases so you can date more efficiently and effectively. Whether it’s meeting guys offline, using apps more effectively, approaching first dates different or learning how to cut off time-wasters and manipulators, I help women become smarter daters.
Best Dating Apps For Women, Best Dating Sites For Women
Read this guide to learn the pros and cons of various apps from a woman’s perspective.
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About Eddie Hernandez
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