Dating As A BIPOC

What Is It Like Dating As A BIPOC (Men, Women) In 2024: Is Dating As A BIPOC Hard? Dating & Race, Ethnic Fetishes & More

Dating in general sucks these days. It’s gotten worse for many, but people are still having success: people are still meeting in person and people are still meeting people via apps.

If you look at posts on Reddit, Quora or social media posts on Instagram or Tik-Tok, dating is hopeless.

That said, I am optimistic about dating, but I am also realistic about the struggles, biases and difficulties people face (even within their own race). It’s important not to dwell on these corner cases but rather acknowledge they exist and focus on yourself and what you can control and influence.

Below are some stories, anecdotes, insights about dating a BIPOC (men and women) and what you can do to date more effectively and efficiently so you don’t end up in a bottomless pit of despair.

While it’s important to understand nuance, context, deal-breakers etc. it’s also helpful to comprehend things like biases, filters, preferences and algorithms as these things can make dating even more difficult if you don’t know how to navigate these variables.

Dating As A BIPOC Man

Most of the frustrations of BIPOC men have to do with a perceived preference of women to date men who are Caucasian. Dating statistics and studies on preferences and race are all over the place, but what you are likely to read on public posts are one of three things:

• BIPOC women who date men in/outside their race (more competition)
• BIPOC women who don’t date within their race
• Women prefer to date someone lighter-skinned than they are.
• Inability to compete with white men, let alone ones who are tall.

These views are even worst for folks who use and rely on dating apps for all or even most of their dating efforts. Unfortunately social media, red pill Subreddits and misogynistic YT channels feed into these beliefs and tend to blame women and other men rather than do the more obvious thing which is to focus on oneself, unfortunately.

More on what to do below.

Dating As A White Woman

You might be wondering why I have a section about dating as a white woman. If you have made it this far, you can start to see where I might be going.

Many people think dating as a white woman is super easy, but in large U.S. cities, it can be brutal. Men typically have fewer deal-breakers than women, making it more competitive for women on the dating front. Women tend to be more selective (vs men) in terms of:

• height
• education
• ethnicity
• politics

Why does this matter? There is a preference for some men to prefer dating women of color because they view them as unique, exotic. An Asian fetish is major issue on dating apps as this article goes into detail.

Others have a preference for such women because they may view them as more submissive, conservative which is counter to more recent trends of women outpacing men with graduate degrees and voting more liberally than male counterparts.

Some men may have this preference because they are simply playing the odds and assessing preferences of women and focusing on those who are most likely to be interested in them. 

There are a lot of men out there that are threatened by smart, independent women. A disturbing trend is referred to as ‘passport bros’ – look it up but prepare to be disgusted.

These trends are not the norm of course, but they exist in some situations. Rather than dwell on preferences of men, focus on yourself. Be proactive in your dating life, rather than wait to be approached offline or wait for men to like or message you on dating apps first.

Rather than focus on what’s wrong with men, stop stereotyping them. Your goal is not to get more likes or men chase you but to live a fulfilling life, be happy on your own and learn to screen profiles and read people more effectively and efficiently.

Dating As A Male BIPOC: Final Thoughts

The frustration from BIPOC men here stems on preferences of women, but almost always fails to look inward at self-sabotage like: 

• social skills
• hobbies
• lifestyle choices
• first impressions (wardrobe, facial expressions, hygiene)

I understand that preferences do exist, but it’s important to focus on oneself rather than blame entire genders or societal norms for dating frustrations. You can’t control other peoples’ preferences, but you can work on yourself.

Similarly, dating apps for BIPOC men actually make it harder to date on certain apps that have biases built into their algorithms. While one should use dating apps to meet others, one should never use them exclusive or even for most of their dating efforts. 

Yes, you can still meet people offline but it will take lots of work, focus etc.

Rather than send more likes, use more apps or recite more copy-paste pickup lines, take a break from dating and work on yourself (exercise, expanding hobbies, social skills, making friends etc.). These things will pay off dividends more so than any hack, shortcut or hot take from dating coaches on IG, Tik-Tok or Youtube.

Dating As A Person Of Color TL;DR

Stop stereotyping people. If you are the type that speak in absolutes, i.e. women don’t want to be approached in public or men are trash, you may need to take a break from dating.

This simple exercise helps to recalibrate things. Next time you say something like the phrases above, internalize it i.e. the women I approach do not want me to approach them, and the men I meet are trash. See what this does? It gives you control to change the narrative and work on things yourself, rather than accept entire genders for all your dating problems.

It takes a shift in mindset and requires self-awareness but it’s the first step to address the problem at hand in your dating life. If you want to play the victim and want to believe nothing can be done, then you do you but if you want the pity party to stop, it’s time to accept responsibility and change things up asap.